Shit Outta Luck
by gandalfthefrey
Summary: Nethra Ashanril has had a tough life. Despite having to relocate far too often, there was always one constant in her life, even if she wasn't too fond of it. That constant was Cullen Rutherford. Inquisitor x Cullen. A little bit of Solas x Inquisitor. Slow Burn.
1. Chapter 1

Nethra Ashanril was never a shy mage, even after the snide comments she received from the Templars in her Circle. Magic thrived within her – it would not be right for her to keep it to herself. Regularly, Dalish mages would stay with their clan to be trained, but Nethra was an exception. Early on in her childhood, her Keeper Mirial began to notice the power that dwelled within Nethra, and for fear of her safety and the safety of others, she was sent to the Fereldan Circle to hone her powers and control them. It was since then that the young, freckled, brunette elf had resided inside the stone building, awaiting her chance to see the rest of Thedas.

It was in the Circle where Nethra met Ser Cullen, perhaps the only Templar in the entire circle who did not shove her or curse her under their breath. Nethra never knew why Templars were so callous toward her. Perhaps it was because she was always asking them questions, trying to understand the human world as well as she could. Perhaps it was because her smaller frame made her easier to pick on. Whatever it was, it never seemed to affect her blond friend very much. Ser Cullen was a strapping young hopeful who also joined the Circle early on in his childhood. From what Nethra had heard, he would beg Templar recruiters every summer to join them until Ser Fredric finally accepted him.

Nethra spent much of her time in the library, studying new techniques as well as the history of the Magi. It was in the library where she met Ser Cullen.

On a spring afternoon, the brunette girl had her nose stuck deep in a book about Tevinter Magistry when one of her regular bullies knocked over her staff, cracking its crystal into pieces. It was then that Ser Cullen came over to see what all the noise was about, only to discover a teary-eyed elf and a smug-looking teenager. From then on, the two were nearly inseparable. Eventually, Ser Cullen was even assigned to be her guard after one of the Enchanters spotted several of the more troublesome Templars following Nethra around with looks that the Enchanter described as "mischief and spite".

"Cullen, do you have any siblings?" Nethra asked one day while the two sat across from each other in the library.

"Two sisters and a brother. Why do you ask?" Cullen said as continued reading his sword strategy text.

"Well, Keeper Mirial always told me that human families have many children, but most Dalish couples only have one child. Did it ever get too overwhelming?"

"Well, sure," Cullen chuckled, "we would get into scuffles every now and then, especially over chess. But no, not really. Without them, I may have become lonely at times."

"…chess?" Nethra whispered slowly. Cullen looked up from his book. "What's that?"

Ser Teagan rolled his eyes from beside the entryway to the library.

"It's a game. Do they not play chess where you're from?" Cullen smiled softly.

"I don't believe so. I don't remember very much from my clan, though. Is it anything like hunting?"

Teagan scoffed. Cullen chuckled.

"No, sorry. Not really."

Over the years, Nethra began to notice a shift in the mood between her fellow mages and the Templars. Slowly, it began to feel as though the mages were tip-toeing around the Templars, being careful not to anger them. Many of the mages had taken to staying in their rooms for long periods of time, often together, to avoid getting into any trouble. Even Enchanter Wynne would speak in a lower tone when the Templar patrols were around.

One evening, while Nethra was picking a book to bring with her into her room, she heard yelling from outside the library. The next thing she knew, the library door burst into flames, the small blast making Nethra nearly jump into the air.

"You'd best pray to Andraste to save your soul tonight, blood mage!" She heard a man's voice echo through the stone hall, "For we will show no mercy!"

"I'd like to see you try!" another male voice shouted, "We have been leashed for far too long!"

"Nethra," the elf turned her head to see Miss Wynne, brows furrowed and staff in hand, "take your staff and hide. The Circle may no longer be safe. Quickly, now." Even while panicked, Wynne maintained a calm voice. Nethra ran to the window where her shocking staff was leaning, clutched it, and ran across library to the broom cupboard. Wynne disappeared through the burning archway into the hall. Clattering sounded as Nethra continued through the library, winding in and out of the bookshelves.

When she got to the end of the room, Nethra stopped in her tracks. A pride demon stood between her and the broom cupboard. By the monster's feet, there lay a mage, face-down and bloodied. Nethra readied herself in a fighting stance. She shot electrical waves toward the demon, spinning and waving her staff fluidly. The monster screamed as it fell down and began shrinking into a pool of green and black. As she panted, Nethra heard the stomping of metal feet echo through the library. She turned to see three Templars staring at her with wide eyes.

"She's in on it too! She raised a demon!"

"What? No, I-" Nethra stuttered.

"Quiet! Magic was made to serve, never to harm. You have dug your grave, blood mage. Now lay in it!"

Her heart was beating out of her chest as the knights advanced toward her.

"Please! I would never!" She begged, "Please don't do this! I don't want to fight you!"

One of the knights began to raise his sword, "With this strike, I will purge your sins."

"PLEASE! NO!" She shouted desperately. She had backed up against the cold stone wall. His sword sped down toward her arms as she braced for the impact. She closed her eyes tight, but the pain never came, instead, she heard three grunts and the clatter of metal against stone. She opened her eyes to see the soldiers twisted onto the ground. One had been thrown against a bookshelf, causing it to fall over. "What…" She panted. Nethra looked at her hands, trying to find an explanation.

"Search the library!" She heard someone shout. There was no time to figure out what had just happened. She quickly grabbed her staff and ran into the broom cupboard, silently chanting a charm to lock the door from the inside.

Hey! Thanks for reading! Let me know how I'm doing by giving me a quick review! Suggestions are appreciated! I apologize if the timelines of Origins and DA2 are a little bit wonky - I haven't played them in quite a while. This is a suuuuuuuuper slow burn series.


	2. Chapter 2

Nethra sat in the dark of the cupboard for what felt like days, the only thing to accompany her being the screams and sounds of her Circle killing each other. She whimpered as the screaming went on. She was sent to the Circle to escape danger and to become less of a hazard to others, yet here she was, hiding as her fellow mages and their Templar friends killed each other. Even she was no longer innocent. Whatever she did to those three Templars had either killed them or knocked them out for an incredibly long time. As much as she hoped it would be the latter, the more probable situation was that she killed them.

Suddenly, the noise finally began to die down. Leather footsteps echoed through the stone walls.

"Hello?" A male voice called, "If anyone is in here, I'm not here to hurt you. We are Grey Wardens. We're here to help."

The footsteps drew closer.

"What happened here?" Another voice sounded.

"Looks like a summoning gone wrong."

Nethra quietly turned the knob of the door. She peeked through the door to see four people, two of which were wearing Grey Warden armor, staring at the dead mage and the dark ooze that the demon left behind. One of the group members, a red-headed woman, stepped out of view. The Grey Warden men were looking around the room. One had reddish-blond hair and a strong jaw, while the other had dark hair and pale features. Nethra assumed the dark-haired man was the leader.

"Look, there's an open book over here" The first male explained as he walked over to a table by the window, "It's a book on blood magic."

"Honestly, why do Circles have books like these and NOT expect anyone to try it out?" The reddish-blond man stated, a hint of humor in his voice.

"Hello, there." A voice sounded from only an inch away from Nethra, causing her to jump and knock a broom over. The door opened, revealing the red-headed woman. "Don't be frightened. We're here to help. Can you tell us what happened here?" Her voice was soft and kind. There was a hint of an Orlesian tongue mixed into her Ferelden accent.

"I-I…" Nethra stuttered, slowly rising to stand as she opened the door fully. "There was yelling coming from the halls, and Miss Wynne told me to hide…and then…"

"And then what?" The leader asked.

"The Templars tried to attack me…but somehow I…I knocked them back – but I _swear_ I didn't mean to!"

"Shhh…It's okay. We met Wynne on the way in here. Would you like us to take you to her?" The woman asked.

"I…yes." Nethra whispered. She hung her head, teary-eyed and afraid. What happened to her teachers? Her supervisors? What happened to Cullen? "Cullen…" She whispered again.

"I'm sorry?" The woman asked as she grabbed Nethra's hand gently and began leading her back to the library's entrance.

"Cullen," Nethra said louder, "Have you seen Ser Cullen? Is he okay?"

The group looked at each other with worried glances.

"We have not seen him yet, but we will tell him you were looking for him if we do, okay? My Nethra is Leliana, by the way. This is Alistair," she pointed to the strawberry-blond man, "Gregor," the leader nodded his head, "and Sten," Sten just kept walking forward.

"He doesn't talk much." Alistair said with a nervous grin.

"My name is Nethra. It would have been nice to meet you all under better circumstances."

"Agreed. Say, before this all started, did you ever hear anyone talking about an uprising?"

"I…no. It was tense between us and our Templar companions, but I can't say I ever heard anyone talking about rebelling."

They escorted Nethra around the corner toward the Circle Tower's entrance. She caught a glimpse of grey hair.

"Miss Wynne!" Nethra cried, immediately running toward her Enchanter.

"Nethra," she smiled, her eyes wrinkling upward, "I'm so glad you're safe." She pulled Nethra into her arms and hugged her softly.

"Let's head back in," Gregor stated, turning back toward the main hall, "We need to figure out who caused this."

"Agreed." The foursome disappeared back into the heart of the castle.

"My child, I apologize, but I have some disheartening news." Wynne pulled away from Nethra, keeping her hands on the small elf's shoulders. "Our Grey Warden friends have told us that darkspawn have been spotted in the south. You know what that means."

"The Blight must be coming soon." Nethra whispered. "What are we going to do?"

"I must stay here," Wynne spoke softly, "but you, my child, must set off with the rest of the survivors to the north. Try to get as far as you possibly can. I have told Eowyn to aim for Kirkwall."

"But what about you?"

"I will be joining the Grey Warden and his colleagues. They are heading for Denerim to receive help from the King's army."

"But what will happen to our Circle?"

"Only time will tell, my child. We must pray that there were as few people engaging in the blood magic as possible."

Nethra waited in the entrance of the Circle along with the other survivors for many hours. Rations were being handed out while they waited for the Grey Wardens and their friends to return. Nethra could only wonder what had become of her only Templar friend.

Finally, tired-looking Templars and mages began appearing from the halls one by one. The last to emerge was Cullen.

His eyes were sunken in, his face pale, and his had to be too weak to walk on because it required one person at each side of him to walk him through the fortress.

"Cullen!" Nethra ran through the crowd to him, eyes tearing up from happiness, "I'm so happy you're okay! Wynne says we-"

"Be gone." He whispered, his tired eyes staring at the ground.

"I…I'm sorry?" She asked.

"You started this…you and the rest of the foul beasts you call mages."

"Cullen…" Nethra couldn't understand. The Cullen she knew would never say such words.

"I SAID BE GONE!" He shouted lifting his arm and pointing it toward Nethra. Blue light shone from his hand and all of a sudden Nethra dropped to her knees, the wind and magic within her being knocked out of her.

Nethra gasped for air as the surviving Templars ran to Cullen's aid, helping him through the crowd and out the Circle's doors. . Wynne ran over to her, whispering for her to calm down and breathe slowly.

"I don't understand…" Nethra whispered, her eyes stinging.

"He was held captive by a desire demon." Nethra heard a Templar whisper to another.

"He was the only one in his squadron that survived it. I don't think that man will ever be the same."

* * *

Hello again! Thank you for reading! Shout out to TheDoctorsTimeLady for writing the first review! It's greatly appreciated! :) Feel free to leave reviews and suggestions for it is greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

The journey to Kirkwall was endless. Between highwaymen, arguing Templars and mages, and the occasional wolf pack, prayers were the only thing coming out of their mouths when the group of Circle Tower refugees arrived at Kirkwall's docks. Nethra was unsure as to what happened to Cullen after his clamour. If she was being honest, she was trying not to care. Dispelling a mage's magic when they are posing no threat was a high offense during the elf's first few years at the Tower, and now she finally knew why. It left her helpless, restless, and now, angry. She and her group marched up to the city's guards, Enchanter Eowyn briefing them about the situation.

"Enchanter Wynne of Fereldan Circle wrote a letter several weeks ago informing the guard of us. We are the refugees from the blood mage crisis. We were told you would be expecting us."

"Mages escaping feuds with Templars , huh? Good luck." The guard scoffed sarcastically as he signalled his squadron to open the gate.

Kirkwall's Circle was welcoming to Nethra and the rest of the survivors. They vowed to keep the refugees inside their walls until the Blight was over. At first, the Fereldens was excited to start anew, with a new Grand Enchanter and new mages to mingle with – that was, until they met Knight-Commander Merideth.

She was a discerning woman with a burning hatred for mages that overshadowed any reason. If Nethra thought the old Circle was tense, it was nothing compared to the clashing of Grand Enchanter Orsino and Knight-Commander Merideth. Two weeks after arriving in Kirkwall, Nethra had already seen multiple mages get punished for looking at a Templar the 'wrong way'. She made a point to only practice her magic in her room. The rest of her training would have to be learned by book, which she was used to doing anyway. She could have sworn that the Templars consumed more lyrium than the mages most of the time.

One day, on the way to the library, Nethra spotted a familiar head of blond curls walking down through the keep.

"Cullen?" She spoke, staring at him. The man turned around. His eyes dark from lack of sleep and his skin was only a shade darker than the pale white complexion that haunted him was the last time she had seen him.

"Yes?" he asked, quietly.

"It _is_ you." She almost whispered. Nethra walked briskly toward him with a half-smile. "It's good to see you."

"I'm sorry…" He whispered. She almost smiled fully. He was sorry for what he did. "…but do I know you?"

She was not expecting that.

"What do you mean? It's me, Nethra. You know, your assigned partner at the Circle Tower? You know, Kinloch Hold?"

"Kinloch Hold… Nothing good has ever come from such a place." He mumbled. He turned and walked away without even glancing at her.

Nethra's brows were stuck furrowed for the rest of the day, trying to figure out just what happened to him.

Slowly, the sky grew dark as the day came to an end. Nethra had retired to her bedroom chamber to practice the spellcasting she had been studying earlier that day. She spun her staff, as the pictures in the book showed her, and finally hit the heft of it against the ground, causing sparks to appear out of the gemstone mounted to its oaken base. She thrust the staff to the right, spinning it once more before casting a miniaturized lightning spell, the purpose being to keep enemies in a static cage, only shocking them when they tried to escape the boundaries.

She smiles with contentment as she watched the cage linger, slowly disappearing after a minute or so. She decided to switch to her healing techniques. The elf picked up a small broken dwarven puzzle box that she had found in the library one night. She focused her energy, allowing her power to run through her body and out her hands. The box glowed green as the small rectangular parts began to mend back together.

Suddenly, her door opened swiftly. Nethra looked over, somewhat shocked. Bedroom checks were to begin two hours from then. The armoured woman that opened the door stood in surprise for a moment before rushing through the room to grab the small elf's arms.

"There is to be no magic conducted without a supervisor, knife-ear. You will be gravely punished for this."

Her grip tightened as she pulled a stuttering Nethra out of her room and through the corridors.

"I found this one practicing magic without accompaniment, Ser. What would you have me do?" The female Templar asked to her higher-ranked brethren when they arrived in the Templar's half of the Chantry.

"You know the punishment." The officer whispered, a dark tone resonating from his throat. The woman nodded, leading Nethra through another assortment of halls until they reached a small study.

The room was bare except for a stone platform surrounded by candles. The air reeked of death. "W-wait.." The elf managed to sputter out as the woman shoved her toward the platform, "This isn't what I think it is, right? I wasn't harming anyone! I was just practicing my healing spells-"

"Quiet!" The woman hissed, marching out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

"Andraste's mercy…" The brunette whispered. She was never one to believe in the Maker, being raised at an early age to believe in the old Elven Gods. But at the moment, she was desperate. If her presumptions were correct, the Templars intended to make her Tranquil. She looked around the room, stopping to stare out of the stained glass window that stood high up on the structure's stone walls.

Three Templars burst through the door followed by the woman who dragged Nethra into the room. Two of them swiftly grabbed the brunette's shoulders and pushed her down onto the stone slab. Tears formed in her eyes as she began to plead with the armored group.

"Please don't do this… I was sent here to harness my powers, not to be ridded of them!" The third Templar raised his hand and placed his fingers onto Nethra's forehead. "Please!" She screamed. His hand began to glow. She lashed around in an attempt to escape. "NO!" She shrieked. A loud sequence of clamouring sounded as the four Templars in the room were knocked backward into the stone walls, leaving them unconscious. The elf opened her eyes, panting. "This again?" She whispered.

"What's going on in there?" She heard a voice shout from outside the door. It was knocked open quickly to reveal Cullen. "You again…" He was quick to notice the unconscious bodies surrounding the mage, drawing his sword hastily.

"I didn't mean to, I swear…" She said, whimpering as her former friend slowly stepped toward her.

"What in Andraste's name is going on in there? Is everything alright?" Another voice sounded. Cullen turned his head to shout back to Knight-Commander Merideth.

"No! This mage just-" He turned to look at the mage, but she was nowhere in sight. The only difference in the room was the opened stain glass window.

* * *

Hello friends it's me again! Feel free to review my story and follow if you're enjoying it! :)


	4. Chapter 4

She had been running across the rooftops of Kirkwall, tears falling down her face as she struggled to come up with a plan for survival. Surely they would send a search out for a violent mage who knocked out four Templars in one blow. Her foot managed to catch on a water drain, causing the elf to go tumbling down the house's roof and onto the stone walkway.

Nethra hissed as she tried to pick herself up.

"Are you okay?" A soft female voice asked. Nethra looked up to see a yellow-eyed woman. She had a breastplate that peeked out at the top and her hair was buzzed down. She offered her hand to the elf. "That was quite a fall."

"I believe I'll be okay, but thank you for asking." Nethra grabbed her hand and the woman hoisted her up onto her feet.

"I'm Hawke, by the way. What were you doing running along the roofs?"

"I-uh…it's a long story…I was just practicing magic when-"

"Do you need a place to stay?" Hawke said softly. She had a look of understanding in her eyes.

"Y-yes. Thank you."

Hawke led the brunette through the dark streets of Kirkwall, finally opening the door to a rather nice house in hightown.

"It's not much, but it's home." Hawke smiled softly, placing her armour and staff on a desk near a fireplace.

"It's beautiful." Nethra whispered in awe. She had never been inside a human's home before. All she ever knew were the aravals from her time with her old Dalish clan and the lonely stone walls of the Chantry Circle. She almost jumped through the ceiling when she spotted two dwarves standing by the door.

"Oh, don't worry about those two. That's just Sandal and Bodhan." Hawke called from another room.

"Pleasure to meet ya." The taller, bearded dwarf stuck out his hand.

"Bodhan, Sandal, this is…what did you say your name was again?"

"I didn't. My name is Nethra. It's wonderful to meet you." She smiled shaking Bodhan's hand.

"Enchantment!" Sandal shouted.

"Oh, don't mind my boy. He's a genius, really, but not particularly in the verbal sense."

"Enchantment." The bald boy smiled.

Hawke walked back into the room carrying a pile of woolen blankets. "This should be enough," she said, "feel free to lay wherever you'd like."

"You've brought in another one?" A deep voice sounded from a room on the left.

"Fenris! I'd like you to meet Nethra." Hawke grinned as a white-haired elf emerged from the room. He had a sunken frown and strange blue markings all over his skin.

"She's a mage."

"I am too! That doesn't seem to bother you too much." Hawke winked at Nethra.

"One of these days, you're going to help one of the bad ones, Hawke." The man grumbled and shook his head as walked away.

In the morning, Hawke brought Nethra down to the Elven Alienage to visit a friend, and that's all Hawke would say about it. Nethra gawked at the large tree in the center of the alienage, decorated with different trinkets and ornaments.

"It's called the 'Tree of the People'," Hawke stated, smiling down at the awestruck elf, "Merrill says it reminds her of home."

"Merrill?" Nethra asked.

Hawke knocked on a dilapidated door in one of the run-down apartments of the alienage. The door opened to reveal a small elf with dark brown hair and large green eyes.

"Merrill, I'd like you to meet my friend, Nethra. Do you know if there's any empty houses around where she can live?"

"Of course!" the elf replied, "Sariel left last week when she heard that there was a rich man in Hightown looking for a servant!"

Nethra blinked at the woman's enthusiasm over something so grim. She looked at the markings decorating Merrill's face. "You're Dalish?" It was more of a statement than a question. Merrill's face lit up.

"Yes! I'm from Sabrae clan. Although I miss my home, I have a job to do, so I must remain here for now."

"I understand. I miss my clan as well." Nethra gave a sad smile. Truthfully, she did not remember very much about her clan. It was so long ago when she left, she could barely remember what her parents looked like. But she was happy to meet another Dalish elf that she couldn't help but talk about it.

"You're Dalish? But you don't have any vallaslin." Merrill questioned.

"I was sent to join a Circle when I was young. I never got to receive it." Merrill's lips formed an 'o'.

"Well, let's get you set up! Sariel's old home is just across the court. We can be neighbours!" Merrill grinned with excitement. Hawke smiled at the newfound friendship between the two elves.

* * *

"Adahl,"

"Adall,"

" _Adahl,"_

"Adall,"

"No, _adaaaahl._ "

"Adahl."

"Yes! Perfect!"

It had been almost a year since Nethra had begun living in Kirkwall's Alienage, safe from the relentless Templars searching for her whereabouts. Having a fresh need to reconnect with her culture, the freckled elf began relearning her native tongue thanks to Merrill.

"Okay, so let's put it all into a sentence now." Merrill smiled.

"Adahl ina'lan'ehn. The tree is beautiful."

"On'ala!" _Wonderful!_

It was strange to Nethra that she could always understand the language, but she struggled to speak it. No matter what Merrill spoke in Elvhen, Nethra always knew what she was saying – even if she hadn't been taught the phrase yet.

Three knocks sounded from Merrill's front door. She perked up and opened it, revealing Hawke and a dwarf carrying a clunky crossbow. "Hi Merrill, sorry to interrupt, but we have a problem. Varric needs help dealing with his brother. Are you in?"

"Oh, of course!" Merrill stood up and grabbed her staff, "Sorry, Nethra, we'll have to continue at another time."

"Nethra?" The dwarf hummed, "So _you're_ the one the Knight-Captain won't stop searching for."

"Who?" Nethra furrow her brows in confusion. She knew the Chantry was still looking for her, but she never met the Knight-Captain as far as she knew.

"Knight-Captain Cullen. You know, tall, curly blonde hair, hasn't slept in decades…He hasn't stopped asking people about you in months. What exactly did you do, Jailbird?"

"Cullen?" She whispered. The last time she saw him, he hadn't a clue who she was, and now all of a sudden he's the main person trying to find her? "I-I should get going. Thank you for your time, Merrill."

The small elf ducked past Hawke and the dwarf, running back to her home.

"Did I strike a nerve?" Varric asked with a cocked eyebrow.


	5. Chapter 5

Nethra was sitting in Hawke's library, passing time while Merrill and the rest of Hawke's companions discussed plans to help with the blood mage epidemic. Her nose was stuck deep into a book about lyrium and its side effects, reading the words 'memory loss' over and over again.

The mumbling in the other room didn't bother her – in fact, it almost served as a white noise to her reading. She often came with Merrill to Hawkes house when she became too stir crazy from being in her own home so often.

Three hasty knocks sounded from Hawke's front door. They would not have stirred Nethra if she hadn't heard the voice that signalled after them.

"Hawke! This is Knight-Captain Cullen. We are in need of your help. Hawke!" The knocking continued until the almost-bald woman sighed in admittance and opened her door.

"What?" She groaned, exhausted from thinking about all the work she still needed to do.

"Several of our Templar soldiers have gone missing in Lowtown. I recall someone in the chantry telling you about it. Have you acquired any…" The blond man's voice trailed off as his eyes caught a certain freckled elf in the room to the left, " _You."_ His voice was low as he marched into Hawkes library.

Nethra barely had enough time to stand up before the Templar's hand grabbed her holey blouse and slammed her back up against Hawke's bookshelf, causing three volumes to wobble and fall off. The elf's small hands were no match for his, no matter how hard she tried to pry his fingers off of her top.

"Hey!" Hawke rushed in, grabbing her staff, "Let her go!"

"You don't understand, she has had a warrant out for her-"

"Oh, I understand clearly, Ser." Hawke almost shouted, "I understand that that poor mage was almost forced to become tranquil because of trigger-happy soldiers like you looking for any excuse to rid us of our powers. I also understand that you just ran into _my_ home and attacked _my_ friend for absolutely no justifiable reason. If you have any hope to leave my home alive, I suggest you pretend that you never saw my friend. Now _put her down._ "

Cullen grunted angrily, before releasing the elf, allowing her to fall to the ground, clutching her chest.

"Don't worry, Hawke. This wouldn't be the first time he's attacked me. And I doubt it will be the last." Nethra mumbled, slowly lifting herself off of the ground. She caught the soldier's eyes looking down at the lyrium book's open pages. His eyes flicked up to Nethra, then away to Hawke.

"Please, meet us in Lowtown at dusk. We must begin investigating as soon as possible." He shot Nethra a final glare before exiting the home.

"Well, that was awkward. No wonder you've been avoiding Curly." Varric scoffed.

* * *

Booms sounded throughout the cracked walls of Nethra's small home. Patches of previously undisturbed dust fell through the ceiling and onto the creaky floor. The elf paced around the room, her staff patiently waiting by the coat rack near the front door. Screams could be heard from the alienage outside, the sounds of swords clashing and magic bursts echoing closely behind.

"Alright," she whispered, hands twisting into her hair in thought, "to the hanged man, then the docks. How hard can it be?"

The fighting outside became louder. Rhythmic marching vibrated the already-shaking floorboards.

She sat down in defeat. "I can't do this." She covered her face with her hands in frustration. "I just need to face the fact that I'll die here."

All of a sudden, the door burst open to reveal a familiar face, marked with Dalish tattoos.

"Merrill?"

"Garas i'em, Nethra!" The brunette beckoned with haste. "Get your staff!" Nethra stood, shocked. "Mala!"

' _Now',_ she had said.

Nethra ran to her staff and followed Merrill out the door and into what felt like a battlefield.

The city-elf tree that once stood mighty and tall was now in flames. To her left, she saw a Templar soldier striking a weaponless elf down with ease.

"Quickly, Nethra!" Merrill grabbed her hand and took off in a sprint, dragging her up the stairs and out of the alienage. Shouting sounded from all around. Screaming and clashing swords invaded Nethra's ears.

"So much death…" The freckled elf almost whispered. They continued running toward the outskirts of Lowtown, past The Hanged Man and up the stairs toward Kirkwall's docks.

The docks were crowded with Templars. Nethra could hear a familiar man's voice shouting over them, giving instructions on who to attack and who to leave alone. She spotted the champion of Kirkwall waving at Merrill and herself.

"Let's go, Merrill! We need to leave! Nethra, take cover! Stay safe!" Hawke shouted, grabbing the rope that docked a small rowboat.

"Sorry, I needed to help her!" Merrill defended, running through the crowd of Templars.

"They're coming!" A woman shouted, pointing to archers lining the walls of Kirkwall.

"Men, take your positions! Wait for their attack." The blond Knight-Captain turned to the Champion of Kirkwall, "Hawke, Merideth has fallen, but there are still many Templars who follow her will. This will be, Maker prove me right, the last fight we need to secure Kirkwall. I need everyone's help to make sure this place doesn't turn to rubble if we-"

Nethra felt an immense pain near her shoulder as she heard a group of gasps.

"Ah!" She fell to one knee, clutching the wound.

"Nethra!"

"The first draw has been shot! Move, men!" The Knight-Captain shouted before running toward the fallen elf. "The arrow skimmed your shoulder, but it isn't fatal. Come with me." Merrill helped Nethra up as they followed the Templar into a rather large fishing shack. He shuffled up to a small sailboat, secretly docked in the wooden building. He quickly began loading it with food and supplies as Merrill helped the wounded elf onto one of the seats. She looked at him anxiously. "I have made many mistakes working under Merideth… I just hope that after this battle, I can start to make things right. Both of you get to a circle as soon as you can. Tell them what has happened." They each turned to the door as marching began to sound from the outside. "Go! Quickly!" He said.

"No! I need to fight!" Nethra shouted, "I've been cowering in my home for too long. I need my magic to mean something!"

"Nethra, sathan." Merrill whispered. _Please._ "You must go!" the tattooed elf quickly wrapped a bandage under Nethra's armpit and over her shoulder to stop her wound from bleeding.

"Merrill! There you are!" Hawke's voice sounded over the fighting, "I can't find Anders! I have a feeling…"

Merrill nodded her head. She turned back to the freckled elf. "Sathan, Nethra. Ma nadas josa!" _You must flee!_

Merrill ran to Hawke, the two disappearing into the thousands of fighting civilians. Nethra tried to follow, but the Knight-Captain grabbed her shoulder.

"Please. She has told you to leave! You must-"

"I'm not going anywhere! I've been running all my life! Let me through!" She pushed as hard as she could into Cullen's chest.

"I can't let you do that, Nethra." His voice was calm, almost soothing, "I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me some day." He held out his hand, a blue light emanating from the tips of his fingers. The blue light boomed, knocking the elf back, tripping, and falling into the boat. She tried to block with her staff, but he had knocked the magic out of her for the second time in her life, leaving her helpless. Her eyes tearing up as the blond man pushed the small boat out into the river, allowing the stream to carry her out of the city. "Andraste guide you. May we meet again."

Nethra could have sworn that she heard his voice crack, but the exhaustion she felt from his spell purge had left her barely conscious. Before she knew it, everything went dark.

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Hello again! Thank you again to TheDoctorsTimeLady for the reviews! I really appreciate them! Don't be afraid to leave suggestions too! Thanks for reading everyone!


	6. Chapter 6

Nethra woke up, her hand throbbing as she attempted to sit up, despite the fetters on her wrists making it a little more difficult than normal. She looked around. The room she was being held in was entirely made of large stone bricks, decorated humbly with minimal chantry symbols here and there. Heavy doors in front of her opened to reveal two women; one bearing the sigil of the Seekers of Truth, and the other hooded and armoured.

"The Divine is dead, and it's all because of you! What do you have to say for yourself?" The Seeker yelled in a Nevarran accent.

"I…what?" Nethra whispered, confused as anyone could be if they happened to wake up in a strange place, shackled and interrogated.

"You heard me. What did you do?" The Seeker pulled out her sword, pointing it at the small, freckled elf.

"Cassandra, we need her!" The hooded woman pushed her partner back in an attempt to calm her. "Please, if you know anything about what happened to the Divine, you must let us know." Her voice had a strange accent. It was something of a mix between Fereldan and Orlesian.

"I'm sorry but I really don't remember. First, I was invited to the Conclave with my Enchanter, and the next thing I knew, I woke up here."

"You're _lying._ " The woman called Cassandra said, eyes squinting. "The sky is torn, and that mark on your hand must mean that it has something to do with you!"

Nethra glanced at the green glow coming from her left hand. "The sky is torn? What do you mean?"

The yelling woman sighed, turning to her friend for help.

"Perhaps it is better if we show you." The hooded woman stepped forward, pulling Nethra's shackles up, coercing her to follow.

As the doors opened and they led her outside, Nethra looked up and gasped. The sky was glowing a bright green, and a large funnel formed at a higher point of the mountain, large rocks floating around it like some sort of magnetic field.

"This happened shortly after the Conclave. No one knows why." Cassandra spoke from behind her.

"We must inform Solas that the prisoner has awoken," the hooded woman spoke to what Nethra assumed to be one of her agents, "He will know what to do."

"At once, my lady." The scout said as the two jogged off into the mountains.

"We must go into the mountains to find Solas and the soldiers. If there is a possibility that your mark could help with the Breach, we must try." Cassandra unlocked Nethra's shackles and began to lead the elf through the gates of Haven and up through a path. The two were halfway across a stone bridge when comets of green light shot out of the sky and landed on the bridge, causing it to explode and crumble. Nethra and Cassandra tumbled onto the frozen river underneath.

"Watch yourself!" Cassandra shouted as a demon began to spawn from the comet's shrapnel. The Seeker pulled out her sword and began cutting the creature down.

Another demon began to form in front of Nethra. She looked to Cassandra for help, but the woman was distracted by the first demon. The elf glanced to her side, spotting a cheap staff in the rubble. She firmly grasped it and began shooting electricity at the monster. It screamed, collapsing into a pile of goo. Cassandra stared at her with a frown.

"Put your weapon down." She said slowly.

"But the demon was attacking me!"

"You don't need to fight."

"Are you telling me it won't happen again?"

The Seeker sighed in defeat. They continued through the mountain pass, battling more fade monsters on the way. Finally, they came to the rubbled remanence of a building. Several people were fighting off demons while a green tear in the Veil floated over their heads.

A voice shouted out as the freckled elf-mage defeated the last demon, "quickly, before more come through!" someone grabbed her hand and pointed it towards the green hole. A beam of light shot out of her hand, attacking the gap in the sky. Her wrist was then pulled away, causing the green light to collapse on itself and disappear. It was then that she turned to the hand-grabber.

There stood a bald elf. He bore no vallaslin. She could only assume he was a city elf of some kind.

"How did you do that?" Nethra whispered, glancing between her hand and the bald elf.

" _I_ did nothing. The credit is yours." He spoke.

"The mark did this?"

"Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake – and it seems I was correct." He smiled.

"Meaning it could also close the Breach itself." Cassandra walked toward them.

"Possibly," He nodded to the Seeker, then turned his head back to the brunette elf, "it seems you hold the key to our salvation."

"Good to know! Here I thought we'd be ass-deep in demons forever." A familiar voice sounded from behind Nethra. She turned around.

"Varric! It's so wonderful to see you! If you're alive, then that means Hawke-"

"Glad to see you survived Kirkwall too, Jailbird! But now isn't quite the time for catching up," He smirked to the elf. There was a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Jailbird?" Cassandra's eyes narrowed, "I would question you now, Varric, but…We must go to meet Leliana."

"What a great idea!" Varric smirked.

"Absolutely not. Your help is appreciated, Varric, but…"

"Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore. You need me."

"Ugh." Cassandra huffed, trodding off to lead the way.

"My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I am pleased to see you still live." The bald elf smiled.

"What he really means is, 'I kept that mark from killing you while you slept'" Varric chimed in.

"Do you study magic like this?" Nethra asked, wide-eyed.

"I study the Fade, mostly. But I am well-versed in what there is to know about the connection between the Fade and this world." He nodded, "Cassandra, you should know: the magic involved here is unlike any I have seen. Your prisoner may be a mage, however I find it difficult to imagine _any_ mage having such power."

"Understood," Cassandra nodded intently, "we must get to the forward camp quickly."

The two marched forward. Nethra hesitated for a moment before following them.

"Well, Bianca's excited!" Varric chirped.

"So… _are_ you innocent, Jailbird? This isn't the first time you've been sought after, after all." Varric the dwarf chuckled as he, Nethra, Cassandra, and Solas climbed the mountain path toward the forward camp.

"I don't remember what happened."

"That'll get you every time. Should've spun a story!"

"That's what _you_ would have done." Cassandra spoke, irritation peaking in her tone.

"It's more believable - and less prone to result in premature execution."

They cut through demons along the way. Nethra thought they may never find the camp. They eventually came across several soldiers fighting off demons that were spawning from another rift. Behind them stood a locked gate. The group quickly executed the demons and Nethra sealed the rift.

"You are becoming quite proficient at this." Solas smiled at Nethra. She smiled back. She couldn't help but get the feeling that she knew him from somewhere, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"The rift is closed! Open the gates!" Cassandra shouted. Soon enough, the doors were opened.

The group trodded up to the hooded woman from earlier arguing with a man of the chantry.

 _Leliana,_ Nethra had heard them call her.

"You made it," Leliana looked up, "Chancellor Roderick, this is-"

"I know who she is." The old man held a stern expression. "As Grand Chancellor of the Chantry, I hereby order you to take this criminal to Val Royeaux to face execution."

"'Order me'? You are a glorified clerk. A bureaucrat!" Cassandra retaliated.

"And you are a thug, but a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry!"

"We serve the Most Holy, Chancellor, as you well know." Leliana stepped in.

"Justinia is _dead_!" He yelled, "We must elect a replacement, and obey _her_ orders on the matter!" He then turned toward the freckled elf, who jumped at his angry stare. " _You_ shouldn't even be here! Call a retreat, Seeker. Our position is hopeless."

"Why did _I_ have to get yelled at?" Nethra whispered while Varric chuckled behind her.

"We can stop this before it's too late." Cassandra stated.

"How? You won't survive long enough to reach the temple, even with all your soldiers."

"We must get there! It's the quickest route."

"It's not the only route. We can take the mountain path. It's faster in the long run." Leliana chimed in.

"We lost a whole squadron up there." Cassandra argued, "What do you think we should do?" She turned to Nethra.

"M-Me? Why are you asking a prisoner about her opinions?"

"You're the one with the mark. If you feel safer using one route, I will see it done."

"The mountain path, then. If we can get to the temple quicker that way, then we should do it."

Cassandra and Leliana both nodded.

"Leliana, bring everyone left in the valley. _Everyone._ "

Leliana nodded, running back down the path toward Haven.

As the group of four climbed through an old mining path, they came across a group of demons. They defeated them rather quickly, eager to get to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

"You know, I'm kind of glad you didn't choose to go with the soldiers." Varric pondered while following Nethra.

"Oh? Why is that, Varric?"

"Well, you might not be too fond of their leader." He chuckled.

 _What's that supposed to mean?_ Nethra frowned. The dwarf knew something she didn't, and that didn't make her very comfortable.

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thanks for reading! Sorry I haven't updated in a while - the holidays were brutal for me lol. Let me know what you'd like to see, or tell me what you wan to see more of! I appreciate reviews!


	7. Chapter 7

The temple was sweltering, and it smelled like burnt flesh. Nethra marched slowly through the entrance, followed by Cassandra, Solas, and Varric. The Breach glowed menacingly. Chunks of earth and rock floated around it.

"You're here. Thank the Maker." Leliana walked briskly toward the group.

"Leliana, have your men take up positions around the Temple." Cassandra ordered. Leliana gave her a nod and began yelling instructions at her troops. Cassandra turned to Nethra, "This is your chance to end this. Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Nethra sighed nervously.

"This rift is the key. Seal it, and we seal the Breach." Said Solas.

The team managed to find a way down, passing deposits of what looked like a glowing red mineral of some kind.

"Seeker, do you see that? It's red lyrium." Varric said, an unusually somber tone taking over his voice.

"I know what it is, Varric."

"But what's it _doing_ here? You know what that stuff does to people!"

Nethra had heard all about it back when she lived in Kirkwall. It was lyrium that spoke to you. If you were near it for too long, you began to go crazy. Varric's brother Bartrand was a victim of its effects.

" _Keep the sacrifice still."_ A voice boomed throughout the temple.

 _"Someone! Help me!"_ A woman's voice sounded now, with an Orlesian accent.

"That is Divine Justinia's voice!" the Seeker gasped.

Nethra's hand began to glow. It seemed as if the mark was drawn to the rift.

 _"What's going on here?"_ Nethra's own voice sounded from inside the giant fade rift. She frowned in confusion.

"That was your voice. Most Holy called out to you. But…"

" _You have to run! Warn them!"_

 _"We have an intruder. Slay the elf."_

"You _were_ there!" Cassandra shouted, "Who attacked? And the Divine, is she…? Was this vision true? What are we seeing?"

"I don't remember!"

"Echoes of what happened here. The fade bleeds into this place. The rift is not sealed, but it is closed… albeit temporarily. I believe that with the mark, the rift can be opened, and then sealed properly and safely. However, pening the rift will likely attract attention from the other side." Solas proposed, stepping forward.

"That means demons! Stand ready!" Cassandra shouted. Nethra held out her hand, opening the rift with her mark. The rift shot out a large, scaly, purple monster. It cackled and growled.

"An envy demon! Get back!" Solas yelled.

Leliana's soldiers stood all around the temple, aiming their arrows at the monster.

"Now!" Cassandra commanded.

The soldiers all shot at once. It shocked many with an electrical whip. Nethra began conjuring fire blasts with her staff. Eventually, the monster kneeled down and Cassandra finished it off.

"Do it!"

Nethra held up her hand. The breach glowed, a green light blinding everyone in the temple. There was a large 'bang'. Everything went black.

Nethra woke up on a soft bed. She looked around the room, wooden panelling showing her that it was most likely one of the houses in Haven. A servant elf hustled into the room carrying a box. She froze as soon as she saw the elf laying on the bed.

"Oh!" The servant spoke. "I didn't know you were awake, I swear!" She shook her head nervously.

"Did I do something wrong? Why are you afraid?" Nethra's voice was soft and soothing in an attempt to reassure the servant that there was nothing to be afraid of.

The servant dropped down to her knees, "I beg your forgiveness, and your blessing. I am but a humble servant. You are back in Haven, my lady." Her hands trembled on the floor, "They say you saved us. The Breach stopped growing, just like the mark on your hand. It's all anyone has talked about for the last three days."

Nethra looked down at her hand. Indeed, the mark had calmed down. It glowed peacefully at her.

"So it worked." She sighed. "Thank goodness."

The elf servant stood up, "I'm certain Lady Cassandra would want to know you've wakened. She said, 'at once.'"

"Where is she?"

"In the Chantry, with the Lord Chancellor. 'At once,' she said." The elf rushed out of the building.

Nethra sighed as she stood up carefully from the bed. "Three days, huh?" She stretched and yawned, almost falling over from dizziness. She really needed to eat. The freckled elf opened the door to the small cabin, revealing a large crowd of citizens staring at her. Guards were standing by steps, their hands held over their hearts in a salute. The crowd began whispering as Nethra made her way to the Chantry entrance slowly.

 _No one's attacking me,_ she thought, _this is odd._

"That's her. That's the Herald of Andraste."

"The what now?" Nethra mumbled to herself.

"They say that when she came out of the Fade, Andraste herself was watching over her."

More and more people gathered throughout the town, all staring at her.

"That's her. She stopped the Breach from getting any bigger."

The Chantry doors opened for Nethra, and she slowly walked in. Candles lit the hall, strong pillars holding up the building. She overheard Cassandra and the Lord Chancellor arguing in a room ahead. She opened the door to the room, and all eyes turned to her.

"Chain her! I want her prepared for travel to the capital for trial." The Chancellor ordered with a smirk.

"Disregard that, and leave us." Cassandra spoke. The guards seemed to prefer her order, and left at once.

"You walk a dangerous line, Seeker." The Lord Chancellor's wrinkly face frowned.

"The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat. I will not ignore it."

"If there is a way to fix it, I'm willing to help." Nethra chimed in.

" _You_ have done plenty. Your actions will be taken into account by the new Divine." The man sneered.

"Have a care, Chancellor. The Breach is not the only threat we face."

Leliana stepped forward, "Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave. Someone Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others – or have allies who yet live."

" _I_ am a suspect?!" The Chancellor shouted in disbelief.

"You, and many others."

"But not the prisoner." He clearly was not pleased with all of this.

"I heard the voices in the temple." Cassandra explained, "The Divine called to her for help."

"So her survival, that _thing_ on her hand – all a coincidence?"

"Providence. The Maker sent her to us in our darkest hour."

"I-I don't think I was sent by the _Maker_ … maybe it was just a bit of luck." Nethra argued.

"Perhaps. I will not, however, pretend you were not exactly what we needed when we needed it."

"The Breach remains, and your mark is still our only hope of closing it."

"This is _n_ _ot_ for you to decide." The Chancellor argued once more."

Cassandra stared at him, then slammed a heavy book on the table in front of her. "You know what this is, Chancellor. A writ from the Divine, granting us the authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn." She stepped toward the holy man, "We will close the Breach we will find those responsible, and we will restore order. With or without your approval."

The Chancellor glared at the Seeker, then glanced at Leliana and Nethra before storming out of the room. Leliana gave a small smile toward the freckled elf.

"This is the Divine's directive: Rebuild the Inquisition of old. Find those who will stand against the chaos. We aren't ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now no Chantry support."

"But we have no choice" we must act now. With you at our side." Cassandra turn to Nethra.

"I'm willing to help." Nethra smiled.

"That is all we ask." The hooded redhead smiled.

"Help us fix this before it's too late." Cassandra held out her hand. Nethra grabbed it and shook.

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Hello friends! Thank you for reading. I would REALLY (hint) appreciate (hint hint) any comments or reviews (PLEASE) to see what your opinions are and where I should take this story. Reviews really give me motivation to write! See you next time!


	8. Chapter 8

Nethra was catching up with Varric by a firepit, when the two noticed a couple of Leliana's ravens flying overhead.

"Well, I guess they're sending word." Varric said, "Nothing like the beginning of a longass battle, am I right, Jailbird?" He grinned at the elf.

"It feels very similar to Kirkwall's beginning, doesn't it?"

"We're just missing a few people, that's all."

"You mean Hawke." Varric's lips formed a straight line.

"If I were you, I'd keep it on the down-low that you know her. You don't want to be thrown back into that prison, do you?"

Nethra shook her head.

"Yeah. Didn't think so."

The two heard hammering coming from the Chantry's door. Nethra looked up to see a blond head facing the villagers. She couldn't make out their face.

"Oh, man. This is gonna be good."

Nethra frowned at Varric's comment. What exactly did he mean by that? The person began walking down the path toward them. It was now that Nethra could make out that it was a man – built like a soldier. As he walked forward, she began to make out his face. It couldn't be…

 _No._

"You." She growled. She began to run straight at the man, murder in her eyes.

"Hold on there!" Nethra felt the back of her shirt tug, a pair of dwarven hands pulling her back, "I don't think it's a good idea to go on attacking the Commander of Haven's soldiers."

"Let me go, Varric! He deserves it!"

"Nethra?" His voice cut through her mind like a knife. She whipped her head around to stare at the man who separated her from her friends in Kirkwall. "I-Um…It's good to see you." His voice was much calmer than she remembered.

In fact, a lot about him was different. His hair was no longer as curly. It seemed he managed to find a way to tame it. His skin was much more pale and his body seemed to have a hunch instead of the regular Templar 'stick-up-your-ass' posture. None of these changes would turn her mind away from the burning hatred that lied within her towards that man.

"I wish I could say the same." The freckled elf spat, still struggling to rid herself from the dwarf's grip.

"Play nice, Jailbird!"

"I'm deeply sorry for the events that happened in Kirkwall." Cullen spoke in a professional manner, as if it would change her mind at all, "I can assure you that I am here merely as a war advisor, not as a Templar. Is there any way that we can begin anew? I understand if you don't want to forgive me."

She would have argued if it weren't for the lack of lyrium singing from his veins. She could feel it softly linger, but it was not nearly as strong of a song as regular Templars. Instead of arguing, she just glared.

"Just don't talk to me, and we should be fine."

"As you wish." He bowed his head solemnly, and trudged off toward his practicing soldiers.

"Well, that could've gone better." Varric huffed, letting go of the elf's shirt, "Could've gone worse, too." He grinned at Nethra, walking her back to the fire.

She was fuming. How could he act so calm? The last time she saw him, he was fighting in a war, and he knocked her out and sent her out of Kirkwall, alone and companionless. And now he shows up at Haven, acting like a 'different man'? No one changes like that in a day.

She kicked one of the fire's logs.

* * *

"Solas, do I know you from somewhere?"

The taller elf hesitated before speaking, "I do not believe so. Why do you ask?"

"I just feel like I've met you before." Nethra stated, her eyes full of wonder, "maybe you just have one of those 'familiar faces'."

Solas smiled, "Perhaps."

"So…" The freckled elf looked down at her hand, "You've studied the Fade. I know the first thing most people think of when they hear about the Fade is demons. Surely that can't be _all_ that's there?"

The bald elf's brows perked up. He was not used to anyone wanting to know about his adventures in the Fade. "Of course not. Demons are simply spirits who have been corrupted against their purpose. Most beings in the fade are peaceful."

"Can you talk to them?"

"Of course. Many of my closest friends are spirits. They have stories to tell, they can recall events that have taken place ages and ages in the past."

Nethra looked at him with eyes of wonder. She had never heard of such a thing before.

"That's amazing!"

"I'm glad you feel that way. Not many do." He smiled at her.

"So, for instance, are you able to contact Elvhen spirits? Those who lived before the past was lost?"

Solas' face dropped. "I have not been able to as of yet. I have spoken to Elvhen spirits, but never ones old enough to recount the mysteries of the Elves. That does not mean that it is not possible, however."

There laid a silence between them. Nethra looked down at her feet, fiddling with her fingers.

"I…have dreams, sometimes." She started. Solas' gaze met hers. "Not…regular dreams, but ones where I'm not me. I'm…a halla. But not a normal halla. When I see my reflection in water, I'm glowing."

Solas remained silent.

"Most of the time, I'm running. I'm being hunted by someone. Does it mean anything?"

"The Fade is a place rich in history. You are a city elf, are you not? You do not have the traditional markings of the Dalish."

"Actually, I am Dalish. I was sent away before I received my Vallislin. Solas, _does it mean anything?"_

"I do not believe so. It is just a dream." He turned away from her. It was odd of him not to investigate. During the past few conversations between the two of them, Nethra couldn't get him to stop talking about the Fade and dreams.

"But it's always the same." Nethra muttered. Something told her that he wasn't saying what he was thinking. He stopped in his tracks, hesitating, before retiring to his small lodge. Nethra sighed. Just when she was starting to like him. She walked through the town, making sure to avoid Cullen and his soldiers. She noticed a soldier walk up to her.

"Pardon me, Herald, but Cassandra, Josephine, and Leliana would like you to come to the War Room at once." The female soldier bowed her head.

"Oh. Right. I'll go there immediately." Nethra stammered. The soldier nodded and walked away.

Nethra made it to the War Table just as Leliana and Cassandra began arguing about whom the Inquisition needs to get on their side.

"Templars would be able to read the situation. They are trained to handle such things." Cassandra's stern expression stared toward Leliana.

"But mages can help with the Breach! If anyone can control that magic, it's them." Leliana argued.

As soon as her sentence finished, the room's doors opened once more to reveal the Commander, looking paler than usual.

"Cullen, have you been briefed?" Cassandra asked. He nodded his head.

"I believe you already know what my opinion is. I _was_ a Templar. I know what they're capable of."

"Treachery and abusing those who trust them?" Nethra rolled her eyes at him, "We should be allying with the mages."

"You seriously think pouring more magic into that rift is going to help?" Cullen retorted.

"They _invited_ us. The choice seems pretty obvious to me. I'd like to side with the ones _willing_ to help."

"The Herald has a point." Cassandra stated firmly. "We aren't in the position to be rejecting help."

Leliana nodded. "It's settled then. The Herald will travel to Redcliffe and consult with Grand Enchanter Fiona."

Nethra nodded and left the war room almost immediately, eager to be ridded of the former Templar's presence.

"This isn't a good idea, Nethra." He followed her briskly.

"I thought I told you not to talk to me." Nethra kept her head forward, opening the chantry's doors.

"You're making a mistake."

"Well, maybe I should believe you, since _you_ happen to be a _professional_ at making mistakes!" She whipped her body around to face the much taller man. Her eyes were filled with fire, "Don't you _dare_ tell me what is right or wrong, Cullen Rutherford." She pressed her finger hard into his breastplate, "I haven't forgotten. And I _never_ will."

The citizens of Haven stopped what they were doing, staring at the altercation between the two.

"I don't expect you to." He sighed in defeat.

"Then leave me alone." She muttered, continuing down the path to her self-proclaimed room. Cullen could hear her door slam from the entrance of the Chantry.

After hours of sulking in her small cabin, a knock sounded on the door. She slowly opened it to reveal her bald friend.

"I hear you got into an argument with the Commander, my friend." He smiled.

"He's biased. Any one of those Templars could be as corrupted as the ones in Kirkwall, not to mention that they don't even want to help."

"Are we not biased as well, being mages?" The man spoke pure wisdom, and most of the time Nethra found it endearing, but right now it was pissing her off.

"The things he's done…You couldn't imagine, Solas-"

"Alas, are you the same person you were all those years ago?" He shot her a knowing look.

"No, I suppose not." She sighed. She walked into her bedroom, pouring some mead for her and her friend. "Solas, are you going to tell me why I have the dreams about the halla?"

He shook his head. "Perhaps you should refresh your knowledge on Elven lore. That would be a good place to start."

"Is venturing the Fade while you dream something that I can do? Or do I need to be trained?" The thought had come across her mind a couple times that day. If she could journey through the Fade, she may be able to figure out her dreams – or, at least, control them.

"It is a bit of both, falon." _Friend._ "I can find you while you are dreaming and help you with the skill, if you wish to do so."

"That would be wonderful!" She smiled graciously. "Th-there is one more thing, if I may ask."

His brow quirked. "What is it?"

"My old friend, Merrill, used to teach me Elven. Would you... be able to continue my learning? It would mean a lot to me."

He nodded solemnly, but she could tell he was pleased. "Of course. Your training shall start tonight, falon." And with that, he said his goodbye and left for the night.

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	9. Chapter 9

It had been a busy first few months since the Inquisition's upstart. Nethra and her companions had travelled to multiple places in Ferelden, gaining supporters along the way. She even made her way to Val Royeaux to address the Chantry who sought to destroy the Inquisition. It was there that she gained the attention of a peculiar city elf and a powerful circle mage. She also managed to hire a band of mercenaries known as The Bull's Chargers, led by none other than the Qunari spy by the name of Iron Bull. They even were able to find a Grey Warden in the Hinterlands, who was more than eager to join their ranks. It had been a successful first few months, and the citizens of Haven hoped that their luck would continue.

After rigorously mending the Hinterlands back together following a rather violent civil war, Nethra and her companions had managed to get the gates to Redcliffe Village opened. With the help of an inside man by the name of Dorian. They discovered that a Tevinter mage by the name of Alexius had been manipulating time. Before they knew it, Dorian and Nethra were sucked into a portal, and everything went black.

Nethra landed in a pool of musty water. Dorian groaned beside her.

"Blood of the Elder One!" She peered up to see to armed guards staring at her.

"Where did they come from?"

The elf mage quickly grabbed her staff and began shooting elemental attacks at the to until they sloped over in defeat.

"Hmm… Interesting." Dorian mumbled, "This was not what Alexius intended. It seems he moved us to the closest confluence of arcane energy."

"The last thing I remember was when we were in the castle hall…" Nethra spoke in an almost whisper.

"Lets see…" Dorian began talking to himself, mulling over any hypothoses quickly, "Ah! Of course – the question is not _where_ , but _when_! Alexius used the amulet as a focus! He moved us through time!"

"W-what?"

"Let's look around – see where the rift took us. Then we can figure out how to get back. _If_ we can."

They wandered through what looked like the prison cells of Redcliffe castle. They passed a mage mumbling repetitive prayers to himself. Everywhere they went, the glow of red lyrium was present. Nethra did not know much about it, but from what Varric had told her, she didn't _want_ to. It was red lyrium that drove his brother Bartrand into madness. She couldn't blame Varric for hating the stuff.

Dorian nudged Nethra out of her thoughts. He pointed to a familiar elf-mage.

"Enchanter Fiona? I-Is that red lyrium… _growing_ through you?"

"The longer you're near it, eventually…you become this. Then they mine your corpse for more." Her voice was weak and croaky.

"Can you tell us the date?" Dorian spoke, "It's very important."

"Harvestmere. 9:42, Dragon."

"9:42? Then we've missed an _entire years!"_

"We have to get out of here – go back in time." Nethra whispered.

"Please, stop this from happening. Alexius serves the Elder One - more powerful than the Maker. No one who challenges him lives."

"Our only hope is to find the amulet Alexius used to send us here. If it still exists, I can use it to reopen the rift at the exact spot we left…Maybe."

"…Good…" Fiona muttered.

"I said, _maybe._ "

"Dorian, now is not the time for sassing." Nethra huffed.

"You must try. Your Spymaster, Leliana, is here. Find her. Quickly, before the Elder One learns you're here."

The two rushed up the prison stairs to a second level. There, they could hear Andrastian prayers echo through the halls coming from a familiar Nevarran warrior. They walked down the hall, following her voice until they reached another room full of cells.

"Maker, forgive me. I failed you. I failed everyone. The end must truly be upon us if the dead have come back to life." The red lyrium was seeping through the corner of Cassandra's cell. Her eyes were blood red, and her body pale.

"I'm not back from the dead, Cassandra. Dorian and I were pushed forward in time. We just got here."

"Forward in time…Can you go back? Can you make it so that all of this is replaced."

"Yes, and I'll make sure Alexius suffers for his crimes."

"Maker…After you disappeared, the Empress of Orlais was murdered. The Elder One came with an army of demons…we never stood a chance."

"This time we will defeat him, Cassandra. I promise." Nethra casted a charm to unlock the cell door, "Let's go find the others."

They wandered through the halls once more. After defeating another round of guards, Nethra noticed her bald friend standing in his prison cell, his back turned from them. He slowly turned his head, jumping back at the sight of them.

"You're alive." His voice was quick, his eyes wide, "We saw you die!"

"The spell Alexius cast threw us forward in time. We just got here, so to speak." Dorian explained.

"Can you reverse the process? You can return and alter the events over the past year! It may not be too late!"

"I'm glad you understood that," Nethra let out an exasperated laugh, "Because I'm not sure I do."

"You would think such understanding would stop me from making such terrible mistakes. You would be wrong." He almost whispered. His hazel eyes looked up to match Nethra's, "This world is an abomination. It must never come to pass." Nethra began working on the unlock charm. "We'll have to go up. I heard the guards say that Alexius barricaded himself in the throne room."

The crew gathered Solas' belongings before heading up the steps of the castle. They could hear moans and screams coming from what Nethra could only assume were the torture chambers. Chills ran down her neck as a loud _whap_ sounded from the other side of a door to the left of Nethra, followed by a groan.

"How did you know to attack the Temple? ANSWER!" another _whap_ sounded, followed by a groan.

" _Never!"_ More groaning.

"There's no use to this defiance, little bird. There's no one left for you to protect."

"You're wasting your breath." _Whap._ "Agh!"

"Talk!"

Nethra quietly creaked the door open, waiting for her chance to attack the torturer.

"You will break…" The Venatori mage hissed, as he drew a blade to the woman's neck.

Nethra had to cover her mouth to avoid making an audible gasp.

It was Leliana.

Her wrists were shackled to the ceiling. Her skin was scarred and bruised, and her eyes were hollow and dead.

"I will _die first_." She growled back at the man. Cassandra's armour squeaked, causing the Venatori to turn toward the quadruplet. "Or you will…"

Leliana's legs swiftly wrapped around the mage's neck, causing him to fumble. In an instant, his neck turned and cracked under her strength.

Nethra instantly ran toward the dead man's body to grab his keys.

"You're all alive…" It was barely a whisper that came out of Leliana's mouth as Nethra unchained her.

"I'm so sorry this happened. I'm glad you're alive."

"Anger is stronger than any pain. Do you have weapons?" Nethra flinched at Leliana's words before slowly nodding. She was hollow inside, the freckled elf could tell. "Good. The Magister is probably in his chambers."

"You aren't curious how we got here?" Dorian asked tiredly,

"No."

"Alexius sent us into the future. This, his victory, the Elder One – It was never meant to be."

"If we get to the chambers, and stop him, we can prevent all of this."

"This is all pretend to you - some future you hope will never exist. I _suffered_. The whole world _suffered._ It was _real._ I will follow, but do not expect me to play 'nice' with that man."

"I only ask for your bow, Leliana. Nothing more."

"Good."

"What…" Nethra closed her eyes, and let out a sigh. "What became of Cullen?"

"He perished fighting alongside his soldiers when the demon army invaded. He dedicated the battle to you."

"He didn't…nevermind."

"He never even looked at the red lyrium. You give him less credit than he deserves, Herald."

The five spent the next hour and a half killing Venatori while trying to find a way to open the door to the throne room. Dorian had figured out that collecting certain gems that fit inside the door's keyholes would be the easiest way to unlock it. Soon enough, the door to the chamber room burst open, revealing the back of Alexius.

"Look at what you've done Alexius. All this suffering, and for what?"

"For my country, for my son! But it means nothing now. I knew you would appear again – not that it would be now, but I knew I hadn't destroyed you. My final failure." His voice was tired and rocky.

"Was it worth it?" Dorian frowned, "Everything you did to the world – to yourself?"

"It doesn't matter now. All we can do is wait for the end."

"I _will_ undo this, if it's the last thing I do."

"It may very well be. How many ties have I tried? The past cannot be undone. All that I fought for, all that I betrayed, and what have I wrought? Ruin and death; that is nothing else. The Elder One comes for me, for you, and for us all."

Leliana was quick to grab the limp body of Felix, raising a knife to his throat.

"Felix!"

"That's Felix…?" Dorian whispered before his brows wrinkled, "Maker's breath, Alexius, what have you done?"

"He would have died, Dorian. I saved him. Please, don't hurt my son! I'll do anything you ask!"

"Hand over the amulet, and we'll let him go." Nethra demanded.

"Let him go and I _swear_ I'll get you what you want!"

"I want the world back." Leliana croaked before she slit the young man's throat without delay.

Alexius fell over the bleeding shell of a man, screaming. He picked up his staff and knocked Leliana back with a lightning strike.

He tried his hardest, but the Tevinter Magister was no match for the quintet. Dorian grabbed the amulet off of Alexius' dead body.

"This is the same one we made in Minrathus. That's a relief. Give me an hour to work out the spell he used, and I should be able to reopen the rift."

"An _hour_? That's impossible!" Leliana yelled. "You must go _now_!"

The floors began to shake. Rubble around the room began to clatter as a screech sounded from outside.

"The Elder One."

"You cannot stay here!" Solas swiftly walked up to Nethra, grabbing her arm. "We will hold the outer door. Once they get past us, it will be your turn."

"I won't let you all commit suicide!" Nethra's voice cracked.

"Look at us. We're already dead. The only way we live is if this day never comes." Leliana's voice was hoarse, but her eyes were determined. "Cast your spell. You have as much time as I have arrows."

Booms sounded through the castle walls for several minutes, until the door slammed open, revealing monsters upon soldiers upon monsters.

Leliana drew her bow, "Though darkness closes, I am shielded by flame. Andraste, guide me. Maker, take me to your side." She shot an arrow with each verse, eliminating every monster that came at her. Suddenly, an arrow hit Leliana in the chest. She continued on, striking and bashing the monsters with her bow alone.

Dorian tugged at Nethra's sleeve.

"We must go! Now!" He pressed the amulet, and a blue-green rift appeared to his right. The two ran toward it. The screams and booms of the castle fell silent as the two arrived back where they were before they got lost in time.

"Now," Dorian grinned at Alexius, who was standing with his brows furled and his lips in a frown, "You'll have to do better than that."

Alexius fell to his knees. "You won. There is no point in extending this charade." He turned to his son. "Felix…"

"It's going to be alright, father."

"You'll die."

"Everyone dies."

Alexius and Felix slowly stood up together before exiting the room.

"Well." Dorian perked up, crossing his arms, "Im glad that's overwith!"

All of a sudden, knights bearing the sigil of Denerim marched in line and lined the walls. A strawberry blonde man marched in slowly after them with a smirk on his face.

"Grand Enchanter! Imagine my joy when I hear you have handed over Redcliffe Castle to a Tevinter Magister!"

"King Alistair-" Fiona began.

"Especially since I'm fairly sure Redcliffe belongs to Arl Taegan."

"Your majesty, we never intended-"

"I know what you intended. I wanted to help you, but you've made it impossible. You and your followers are no longer welcome in Ferelden."

"But…we still have _hundreds_ who need protection. Where will we go?"

Nethra stepped forward, "I should point out that we did come here to find mages to close the breach."

Fiona hesitated. "And what are the terms of this arrangement?"

"Hopefully better than what Alexius gave you. The Inquisition _is_ better than that, yes?" Dorian pointed out.

"I suggest conscriptions them. They've already proven what they will do when given too much freedom." Cassandra added in.

"They have lost all possible supporters. The Inquisition is their only remaining chance for freedom." Solas chimed.

"It seems we have little choice but to accept whatever you offer." The Grand Enchanter said through gritted teeth.

"The Inquisition will welcome you as our allies." Nethra stated. She could hear Cassandra scoff behind her.

"I'd take that offer if I were you." King Alistair spoke. "One way or another, you're leaving my kingdom."

"We accept. We would be mad not to. I will gather my people and ready them for the journey to Haven. The Breach will be closed. You will not regret giving us this chance."

The King turned to Nethra. "Thank you for taking care of this…erm…?"

"Nethra…is my name, your highness."

"Nethra…have I met you before? You seem awfully familiar." His eyes squinted in an attempt to jog his memory.

"I don't believe so, your highness."

"Ah. Well, in the meantime, my soldiers will take care of rehabilitating this castle back to its former glory. You'd best prepare for your visitors, Nethra."

"Yes, sir." She nodded, turning to Cassandra, Dorian, and Solas. They all nodded, exiting the building.

"I can't imagine the Cullen will be very happy about this." Cassandra muttered.

"Well, he's not exactly on my good side, I'd might as well make it even." Nethra held a stern expression as she walked.

"He cannot be angry at you for doing your job. The task was to recruit Redcliffe's mages, and that is what you did." Solas chimed in.

" _Someone_ has a little pep in his step." Dorian sniffed at the balled elf in amusement.

"Is it wrong to enjoy seeing my fellow mages break their chains?"

Cassandra scoffed. "We will see."

* * *

Hey guys! Thank you for reading! Leave a review and let me know how I'm doing! If you like it, give it a follow or a favorite! Have a good one!


	10. Chapter 10

_Galloping again through the woods. The only way to tell where to go is through smells and sounds. The hunter is coming. He is…_

 _A sword clatters. A man yelps. She huffs nervously, pacing in a circle. She flinches as someone or something touches her._

 _"_ _Ma ane eth."_ You are safe.

 _A deep voice speaks. It is familiar. It was a hand that was touching her, stroking her back. Her huffs become calmer, slowing down between breaths._

 _"_ _Ar jusul'ema ma arla."_ I will bring you home.

 _She leans her neck down. The hand reaches just below the back of her head. It begins pushing her left. A small voice escapes her throat. It is the whinny of a halla – a slow, sad call. She means to signify her trust._

 _"_ _Ara me a falon."_ I am a friend.

 _The hand guides her through the forest._

* * *

Nethra walked up the steps to Haven. They had just returned, and she was already getting a headache just thinking about how everyone will feel about their alliance with the mages.

She had only passed Varric's firepit, yet she could alread hear raised voices coming from the Chantry.

"It was reckless! Now we're going to have tons of loose-cannon mages running around!"

"I believe it was the better move, all things considered."

Nethra pushed the Chantry door open, revealing the familiar leading quartet of the Inquisition.

"It's not a matter for debate. There will be abominations among the mages, and we must be prepared!" Cullen argued.

"If we rescind the offer of an alliance, it makes the Inquisition appear incompetent at best, tyrannical at worst."

 _Thank the Maker for Josephine_ , the freckled elf thought to herself. Cullen turned to Nethra, and her body froze. His hazel eyes locked onto her own green ones.

"What were you thinking, turning mages loose with no oversight? The Veil is torn open!"

"If I didn't agree to it, they would have been in the exact same position we just saved them from!" the elf spoke quickly, "At least give them their freedom for now. If they prove later that they can't handle it, impose restrictions."

"And how many lives will be lost if they fail? With the veil broken, the threat of possession…"

"Enough arguing!" Cassandra finally spoke, "None of us were there. We cannot afford to second-guess our people. The sole point of the Herald's mission was to gain the mages' aid, and that was accomplished."

"The voice of pragmatism speaks! And here I was just starting to enjoy the circular arguments." The five turned to the new voice. Out of the dark corner walked Dorian.

"Closing the Breach is all that matters." Cassandra spoke stiffly.

"We should look into the things you saw in this "dark future." Leliana hummed. "The assassination of Empress Celene? A demon army?"

"Sounds like something a Tevinter cult might do. Orlais falls, the Imperium rises. Chaos for everyone!" Dorian joked

"One battle at a time. It's going to take time to organize our troops and the mage recruits." The blond commander turned to Nethra once more, "Join us. None of this means anything without you…and your mark, after all." His eyes flickered at the end of his sentence.

"Of course." She replied dryly.

Although she desperately needed a drink and a nap, there was work and planning to be done. As the five leaders headed to the War Room, Cullen began planning already.

"I'll begin preparations to march on the summit. Maker willing, the mages will be enough to grant us victory."

After several hours of counting men, recording mages, and a good amount of martial planning, the Inquisition had called it a day. Well, as much of the day that was left, that is. Their plan was to rally troops in the afternoon, then march up to the Temple of Sacred Ashes (or what was left of it) and close the Breach as fast as possible.

The sky was orange when the freckled brunette opened the doors of the Chantry, a sign of another day over. As Nethra walked down the stairs to her self-deemed cabin, Varric couldn't help but call her over.

"Jailbird! Still shooting grumpy glances at poor Curly, I see. That's too bad to see, after what he did for you!"

"What are you talking about this time, Varric?" Nethra sighed. She was quite tired of hearing the whispers being passed around between the townsfolk and the soldiers, about 'why the Herald was always yelling at the Commander'.

"Didn't you hear? That lovely lion of a man almost tore a soldiers head off this morning for bad-talking the Herald of Andraste. They said it was strange, considering the Commander has done nothing but complain about the mage agreement since the news was delivered. Allegedly."

Nethra rolled her eyes. She turned her head back to the Chantry, where Cullen was already looking at her. What was his deal? Back in Kirkwall, he wasn't exactly fond of her, and yet now she's worthy of defending?

"Um, I think we'll have to discuss this another time," Nethra spoke as she turned her head back to her dwarven friend, "preferably after I've had a nap."

"I hear ya. Talk to you later, Jailbird." Varric smirked before the elf turned and began walking toward her bed.

As she found her way to her door, she was greeted by a familiar bald elf.

"On dhea'lam, ma'falon." _Good evening, my friend._ "You were in there for quite some time. I trust our plans for closing the Breach are set?"

"Yes. It took us far too long," Nethra laughed, "are you not tired from the journey, Solas?" she said to him while opening the door to her cabin. She didn't mean to be rude, but she knew Solas was here for her language lessons, but she was far too tired to learn today. The door creaked, revealing her neat bed with a bouquet of flowers lying on it. She walked towards it with her brows furrowed in confusion.

"Ir abelas." _I'm sorry._ Nethra's attention turned back to Solas. "We have not completed a lesson yet today. I understand you are exhausted, so I thought it may be a good opportunity to explore the Fade while learning."

"You mean learn while sleeping?" Nethra said quietly, while picking up the bouquet. "Solas, why didn't you think of that before?"

The bald man smiled. "I did not think you were ready. However, I would like to try before our assault on the Breach tomorrow."

"Well, alright. Let's try it out." Solas nodded as he followed her inside, closing the door. He sat on a chair in the corner of her bedroom, studying her with the flowers. They were pink and white, not common flowers for the area they were in.

Nethra sniffed them with a smile on her face, before placing them on her end table.

"I'll have someone look after these tomorrow. Do you know who these were from?" She asked as she turned to the bald elf.

"Is there no message attached?"

Nethra shook her head. "They were in luck. These are my two favourites. Zinnia and dawn lotus." She smiled. "Well, anyway, let's get started."

* * *

Hello! Sorry about the long wait, I've been busy with work and life. Thank you to MissLizziebeth for the honest review, I really appreciate it! I realized that In Hushed Whispers wasn't really necessary, however I did want to introduce Dorian and his dynamic with Nethra. Thank you though! I'll try to be more aware of the less important scenes and try to focus the story a little better.

Please favourite/follow if you're enjoying this story and review if you have any ideas for improving it! :)


	11. Chapter 11

By the Maker, it was freezing. The wind was howling through the mountain range. If one closed their eyes, they could imagine the sounds were caused by two dragons engaged in a battle. Cullen closed his eyes. He leaned against the wall that stood just after the entrance into Haven. It had been at least two hours since he spotted the bald Elven apostate follow Nethra into her cabin, and Cullen had to stop himself from thinking too hard about what the two could possibly be doing in there. He had only meant to wait until Solas left so he could have a moment to talk to Nethra about the bouquet he got her and attempt to dispel the rumours Varric was spreading, but the chance still had not come up. And so he waited.

He clutched to his fur coat. His gloves were made of the finest leather he could buy, and yet they were still no match for Haven's menacing weather.

Through the howling of the wind and the noise of snow pellets tapping on the rooves, he heard a door creak open and shut. Cullen peaked out from around the corner to see Nethra's friend finally exiting her vicinity. He did not understand how the elf could possibly manage this foul weather with only a tunic, trousers, and a sweater. He didn't even own _boots_ for the love of the Maker! Cullen had taken it upon himself to create theories as to how the skinny male elf could handle it, but all had fallen flat.

"Commander Cullen? What are you doing out here on such a night?" A voice sounded from beside him, causing him to jolt his head to the left. He looked over to see Solas smiling. _Bastard._ "Not peeping, I hope."

"I could ask you the same thing, Ser." Cullen grumbled.

"I was just spending time with my friend, you see. I would suggest such an activity to you to help you unwind, but you seem to be lacking any comrades as of late."

"What is that supposed to mean?" The blond man puffed up, cheeks flushed with anger.

"I wish you a good night, Commander." Solas smirked as he walked off towards his cabin.

Cullen kicked the ground in frustration. Just then, he heard the door to Nethra's cabin open again. Cullen sucked in a breath of air and sank into a prickly green bush.

It must have been an elf thing, because not unlike Solas, Nethra was dressed far too light for such a cold night. A white satin nightgown enveloped her, the collar opening at her shoulders to reveal toned muscle underneath. It was almost translucent, as it fitted tightly to her body. Her nipples poked at the fabric, confirming to Cullen that she had to indeed be _at least a little bit_ cold. He studied her quiet figure as she walked past him and out of Haven's gates.

She walked down toward the lake.

He followed.

He found her standing by the edge of the dock to the frozen lake. He slowly made his way to her. Between the moonlight and the snow on the ground, her dress had an almost ethereal glow to it, and Cullen couldn't look away. He stared as he walked toward her, then stopped when he stood just to the right of her. She did not speak, but looked ahead with tired eyes.

He cleared his throat.

"I-I…" He took a deep sigh. "I've said it too many times, but I truly am sorry for what I've done."

She continued to stare forward.

"I know, you probably think I'm only saying this to prevent any arguments in the War Room, but… I truly wish I did not do the things I did – and I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. I mean that."

Still, she stared forward, expressionless. Cullen looked away sighing.

"When we assault the Breach, I will pray that you will stay safe. You mean more to me than you know. I wish I could tell you all the things that happened, and why they made me the way I am. I truly believe you are a good person, and I understand that you don't feel the same about me. But I will continue to-"

He turned to look at her once more, but she was not there. There was a small _clunk_ that sounded from behind Cullen. He turned his neck further to see, and almost jumped when he saw a small deer-looking creature. It was pure white, with small antlers poking out of the top of its head. The more he looked, he slowly realized that it was a halla, an animal that mostly travelled in packs, often kept by travelling Dalish camps.

"How did _you_ get here?" he whispered, sticking his hand out for it to smell him. "My, you're beautiful."

The creature huffed, a cloud of steam escaping its nostrils. Its coat was so soft and shiny that Cullen could have sworn the creature glowed. Cullen took his hand away when he noticed its eyes were a white-blue.

"So, you can't see." He stared at the four-legged creature. "Sometimes I feel like I can't see either." He let out a huff, "I can't believe I'm talking to an animal. I need to go to sleep."

Cullen had often avoided sleeping in the past, to prevent the return of the nightmares that plagued him every night. Even during this night, the night before the assault on the Breach, he still had no yearning to close his eyes. However, he owed it to the town of Haven and the Herald to be in his best mind tomorrow. He stroked the halla before heading back to his tent.

* * *

 _Running. Running. Something is after her. She galloped through the mountain, snow chilling her legs as she hurtled over rocks and through trees. The forest was long gone. The friend she had before was nowhere to be seen._

 _Help. Somebody, help._

 _They are coming._

Nethra work up in sheer panic, her heart matching the beat of the animal in her dream.

"Finally! For a small moment there, I thought I'd be waiting for my horse to sprout wings before you woke up!"

The small elf jumped at the voice, looking to the corner where her mustachioed friend sat, cross-armed.

"Who let you in here?" She panted.

"By the old gods, that must have been _quite_ the dream you had. It sounded more exciting than those books that Varric writes." He stood up, "You may want to bathe, my dear. There is no use in showing off your powers to that beautiful Commander if you've been drenched in sweat - and Maker _knows_ what else – since the crack of dawn."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Nethra knew that Dorian's quips were directed at everyone, not just her. However, she wasn't particularly in the mood to be the butt-end of his jokes.

"You smell worse than a Ferelden farmer from the Fallow Mire, is what that means."

"That's not even possible, Dorian. Those lands are impossible to farm."

"Far from the point, my dear."

Nethra groaned, grabbing a pillow and pressing it into her face.

"Do hurry up, love. The rest of Haven and I would like to get this whole Breach ordeal over with before midnight."

The elf didn't reply, but instead waved him out of her cabin. She heard the door close, and yet she could still hear Dorian's voice, slightly muted by the wall.

"Ah, Commander! What a lovely sight to see on such a dreary day!"

"Is Nethra almost ready? We must go over the plans once more before we march."

"Far from it, it seems. However, I'm sure our lovable elf friend will remember the plans from the last five times they've been repeated to her."

"Just…tell her to hurry up."

Cullen's voice sounded exhausted. Nethra suspected that it may have been from lack of sleep. He was never one to sleep soundly before an important day. Back when they lived together in the Circle Tower, Cullen would sneak into her room to talk before any days related to initiation. Once, Cullen brought a fold-out chess mat to play through the night before one of his combat tests. They played the entire night, exchanging stories about their childhoods.

The door to Nethra's cabin opened once more, causing her to groan loudly.

"Change of plans! Let's just hope your atrocious aroma will help to rid us of the lovely demons that are sure to pour out of the Breach." Dorian seemed to thrive off her misery, as he ripped the bed sheets off her body, exposing her to the cold. "My, my! I never took you as one to wear such extravagant pyjamas!" He said as he eyed her silk nightgown.

"It was a gift!" She almost yelled, forming the fetal position in an attempt to keep warm.

"Well, whoever gave it to you had the intention of taking it off of you later."

"Dorian!"

"Who, might I ask, would give you such a thing?"

"You may _not_ ask."

"You're absolutely no fun at all in the morning. Do you know that?" He spoke as he walked toward her small wardrobe and picked up her enchanter armour outfit, bringing it over to the grumpy elf.

She would never tell Dorian, but she had received the nightgown from Solas. He had found it during one of their trips to the Hinterlands and offered it to her immediately, claiming she was the only one in the group to whom it would fit.

The Tevinter mage helped her into her armour and clothes before throwing her staff at her.

"Pip pip! Let's not wait for the grass to grow, my love." He spoke as he opened the cabin door, allowing the piercing breeze to attack Nethra's face.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

I got excited so I decided to post two chapters in a row (you're welcome ;) ) Remember to favourite and follow if you like this story and comment if you have any thoughts or suggestions (or even if you just wanna tell me your reactions to things, I really like those kinds of comments lol)! Have a great friday!


	12. Chapter 12

It had been an hour since they marched out of Haven. The weather did not seem to care that they had something to accomplish that day, for the winds threatened to take the tips of Nethra's ears. They rounded a corner, finally revealing what was left of the Temple of Sacred Ashes. A broken statue of Andraste greeted them, the rest of it having crumbled off before getting caught in the Breach's pull. Nethra looked at her glowing hand. Cassandra and Solas walked up beside her, nodding in encouragement. They walked into the temple. Rubble and red lyrium were scattered everywhere.

"Be careful not to touch it." Varric warned from behind her.

Cassandra turned back to the fleet of mages who decorated the sides of the temple.

"Mages!"

"Focus past the Herald!" Solas joined, "Let his will draw from you!"

Nethra walked up to the bottom of the Breach, raising her hand to connect the two, disrupting the rift. The mages concentrated their power to her. The rift glowed harder and harder until it burst, causing everyone in the vicinity to fall back. Nethra could hear Cassandra groan behind her. Nethra could not stand up no matter how much she tried. She looked up, but could no longer spot the powerful green glow of the Breach. She felt a hand on her back.

"You did it." Cassandra said. She grabbed the elf's arm, placing it around her shoulders to support her. "Let us get you back to Haven." Nethra nodded, shifting her weight onto Cassandra. She felt another person touching her marked hand. She turned to see Solas staring at her mark with deep concentration.

"It does not seem to be harmed in any way. Your body is safe from your mark, and your mark is safe from the Breach."

"Good to hear," Nethra smiled as she followed the mages out of the Temple.

She spotted the Commander running up the hill. He stopped when he saw her, letting out a sigh of relief. Even from far away, she could see his bloodshot eyes from the lack of sleep. She nodded to him, much to his surprise. He flinched, unsure if it was directed at her. Nethra shot him a small smile. He let out another small breath, smiling back.

* * *

"Now, is it just me, my elven friend, or was Commander Gorgeous giving you the sheep's eyes earlier?" Dorian walked up to his freckled friend with two jugs of ale in his hand. He passed one to her.

"It was just you." She said, smirking.

"Ah! Back to your usual self again, are we? I suppose saving the world could put _anyone_ in a good mood. Except that poor Elder One, of course. However, I know that look when I see it, love. That Iron Bull has been giving me those eyes since I got here."

Nethra laughed. The Iron Bull could be seen sitting with his Chargers, his booming laugh echoing throughout the town.

"I never took you as one to ride the Bull."

"I am _not._ I'll be dipped if that monster of a man could find his way into _my_ trousers."

"You can't help but wonder though," Nethra started, "If the rest of his body is that big, I can't even _imagine_ how big his-"

"Stop! I do _not_ want to think about that." Dorian grumbled, sipping his ale. They stood talking, leaning against the wall while they watched the townspeople dance and mingle.

While Dorian left to try to find townspeople who wouldn't spit at his feet, another friend of Nethra's visited her.

"And so, Thedas is saved by none other than a Dalish elf." Solas's bald head shone in the moonlight as he walked toward Nethra, "I must say, I would not rather have anyone else saving this town. I am glad you were not hurt."

"Of course. Who would you have to talk to about the Fade with if I died?"

Solas smiled. "No one quite as easy to gaze at, I'm sure." He looked at her, still smiling.

Nethra laughed nervously. Was that…a _compliment_? From _Solas?_ "Thank you, Solas. I enjoy your company too." She spoke coolly, although on the inside she was very confused.

"There are still reports of lingering rifts, and – as I'm sure you know – we still have many questions, but our leaders are considering this a victory. I am positive that Ferelden and possibly all of Thedas will know your name soon."

"I wouldn't have been able to do this without everyone here – especially you, Solas. I'm sure Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine and Cullen appreciate your expertise."

"Yes – well, I do hope it stays that way." He smiled once more as he walked off. "Have a good evening, falon." _Friend._

She watched as her friends interacted with the townsfolk. Dorian still remained unsuccessful at winning the town's favour, but he found a comfortable seat beside Varric, who was telling stories to the children.

"Ah, there you are." Nethra turned to see the tall blond Commander walking up to her with some hesitance. "I was hoping we could talk."

"What about?" Nethra tried to keep a neutral mood around him. She was in no position to be angry with him at the moment. He planned the attack, making sure there were at least three alternative plans in case something went wrong.

He let out a deep sigh. "Nethra, I-"

All of a sudden, the attack bell chimed, causing the happy crowd to stir in confusion.

"What is…" Cullen's lieutenant ran up to him.

"Ser! Enemies approaching from over the mountain. Our scouts have said that the majority of them are not even visible yet."

Cullen touched Nethra's arm softly. "I'm sorry." He ran to the center of the town. "Forces approaching! To arms!"

Nethra ran to her cabin to grab her staff. Citizens scattered, unsure of what to do. Cassandra ran up to Nethra, unsheathing her sword.

"We must get to the gates!"

Dorian joined them on their run. "Never a dull moment here, is it?"

"Get to Cullen. I'll help here." Cassandra said, breaking off to direct the confused townsfolk.

He was already informing everyone of the numbers.

"Under what banner?" Josephine asked.

"None."

" _None?_ "

The closed gates rumbled.

"I can't come in unless you open!" A voice sounded from the other side.

Everyone looked at Nethra. She sighed, "Open the gates. Quickly!"

The guards opened them with hesitance, revealing a skinny blond boy in a large hat finishing off a bruiser soldier. Nethra walked up to him. Cullen followed.

"I'm Cole. I came to warn you. To help. People are coming to hurt you. You probably already know."

"What is this? What's going on? Who are they?" Nethra asked frantically, desperate for any answer.

"The Templars come to kill you."

"Templars!" Cullen growled, "Is this the Order's response to our talks with the mages? Attacking blindly?"

"The Red Templars went to the Elder One. You know him? He knows you. You took his mages. There." The strange boy pointed to what seemed to be a higher-ranked Red Templar standing on one of the bigger rocks of them mountain.

"I know that man…" Nethra turned to Cullen with her brows furrowed. "But this Elder One…"

A large, humanoid monster-looking man walked out from what appeared to be thin air, standing beside the Red Templar.

"He's very angry that you took his mages."

"Cullen! Give me a plan! Anything!" Nethra shouted through the noise. His eyes were glossy and he was frowning.

"Haven is no fortress. If we are to withstand this monster, we must control the battle. Get out there and hit that force. Use everything you can." He pulled out his sword, walking back to the town's gates. "Mages! You have sanction to engage them! That is Samson. He will not make this easy! Inquisition! With the Herald! For your lives! For all of us!"

The soldiers beat their shields with their swords and roared. The mages thrust their staves in the air, cheering.

Nethra ran to the trebuchets. It was their best bet to bring down as many enemies as possible in one blow. She, along with Solas, Varric, and Iron Bull, fought off Red Templars while their soldiers aimed their trebuchets. Blood covered Iron Bull's face, which made him fight even harder.

Nethra fired the last trebuchet, the boulder hitting a loose pocket of snow on the mountain above, causing an avalanche to wipe out a large portion of the enemy soldiers.

The Inquisition army cheered. All of a sudden, a black mass swept through the sky. The trebuchet exploded, sending Nethra flying across the blood-soaked battleground. An ear-piercing scream sounded through the mountain.

"Ah, shit. They have a fuckin' dragon!" Iron Bull growled.

"To the gates!" Solas shouted, ordering the army back inside the town. The quartet ran as fast as they could, picking up injured soldiers on the way.

"Everyone inside!" She could hear Cullen yell from the gates.

They ran in quickly.

"We need everyone back to the Chantry! It's the only building that might hold against…that beast!" He sighed, "At this point…just make them work for it."

The group cleared the town of the Red Templars while evacuating any burning buildings.

An injured Chancellor Roderick ushered them into the Chantry and closed the doors.

Cole grabbed his arm right before the Chancellor fell from exhaustion.

"He tried to stop a Templar. The blade went deep, He's going to die."

"What a charming boy…" The Chancellor spoke.

"Neth- Herald!" Cullen ran up to the elf. "Our position is not good. That dragon stole back any time you might have earned us."

"I've seen an archdemon. I was in the Fade, but it looked like that." Cole said.

"I don't care what it looks like. It has cut a path for that army. They'll kill everyone in Haven!"

"The Elder One doesn't care about the village. He only wants the Herald."

Nethra's eyes widened. _These people are being slaughtered because of me._

"He wants to kill you. No one else matters but he'll crush them, kill them anyway. I don't like him."

"You don't like…" Cullen let out an exasperated sigh. "Herald, there are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide."

"Cullen, to hit the enemy, we'd bury Haven." Nethra argued.

"We're dying, but we can decide now. Many don't get that choice."

"But-"

"Chancellor Roderick can help. He wants to say it before he dies." Cole spoke, turning to the Chancellor.

"There is a path. You wouldn't know it unless you'd made the summer pilgrimage, as I have. The People can escape. She must have shown me. Andraste must have shown me so I could… Tell you."

"Will it work, Cullen? I can distract them for a bit." Nethra turned to the Commander.

"Possibly. _If_ he shows us the path. But…" Cullen reached out to grab Nethra's arm. "What of your escape?"

Nethra frowned, sucking in some air.

"Nethra, _no_. We can't let the Herald die. They need you. _I_ …"

"I'll surprise it." She couldn't look him in the eye. "Inquisition!" She shouted. "Follow Chancellor Roderick through the Chantry!"

"Nethra-"

"Move!" She turned to Cullen, still unable to meet his eyes. "Signal me when the town has evacuated."

She felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her shoulders. "Andraste guide you. May we meet again." He hugged hard. She needed to leave, but he wouldn't let her go.

"Cullen-" Her voice was muffled by his fur coat.

" _Let that thing hear you._ " He almost whispered, before releasing her and running after the chancellor.

Nethra let out a deep sigh. _Here I go._

She ran out of the Chantry, striking down the Templars that got in her way. She fought off the enemies trying to destroy the trebuchet. It was ready to fire, before a bolt shot out of the dragon flying overhead, the impact causing the inquisition soldiers to fall onto their backs.

Nethra opened her eyes. Her ribs felt creaky and one of her hands was swollen. A faint silhouette walked out of the fire left by the dragon. It was the man they called the Elder One. His face and body were deformed by red lyrium. His whole body looked sickly and warped. The dragon landed on the other side of Nethra. She was surrounded.

"Pretender." His voice was low and menacing. "You toy with forces beyond your ken, no more."

"I'm not afraid of you, you glorified junkie!"

"Words mortals often hurl at the darkness. Once they were mine. They are always lies. Know me. Know what you have pretended to be. Exalt the Elder One. The _will_ that is Corypheus! You will _kneel_."

"What do you want from me?" Nethra yelled.

"I ask for nothing, because it is not in your power to give. But that will not stop me." He held a circular object that glowed red. "I am here for the Anchor. The process of removing it begins now." He stuck his hand out to Nethra, causing the mark on her hand to flare up. "It is your fault, 'herald.' You interrupted a ritual years in the planning, and instead of dying, you stole its purpose. I do not know how you survived, but what marks you as 'touched,' what you flail at rifts, I crafted to assault the very heavens." Her hand was beginning to hurt now. "You used the Anchor to undo my work! The Gall!" She fell to her knees. It felt as though her were removing the very bones in her body. She couldn't move from the immense pain.

"You killed the Divine! Why are you doing this?" She screamed.

"The 'chaos' will empower me, and ensure we no longer beg at the feet of the invisible."

He picked her up by the wrist. She forced herself to not scream.

"I once breached the Fade in the name of another, to serve the Old Gods of the Empire in person. I found only chaos and corruption. Dead whispers. For a thousand years I was confused. No more. I have gathered the _will_ to return under no name but my own, to champion withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world. Beg that I succeed, for I have seen the throne of the Gods, and _it was empty_!"

He threw Nethra against the trebuchet, causing her to yell. The cracked rib was now broken.

"The Anchor is permanent. You have spoiled it with your stumbling." She gathered up the strength to stand, grabbing her staff shakily.

"So be it. I will begin again, find another way to give this world the nation – and god - it requires."

Nethra looked to her left, and spotted a signal fire.

 _They're safe._

"And you. I will not suffer even an unknowing rival. You _must_ die."

"No doubt you're from Tevinter. You talk more than _Dorian_!" Nethra smiled as she kicked the trebuchet's trigger, causing it to fire.

The boulder slammed into the mountain, causing a rumble to run through the ground. Nethra began running. She wasn't sticking around to find out just how _great_ the avalanche was going to be. A piece of wood caught her ankle, and as the wave of snow came closer, she fell into a large hole in the ground. Everything turned black.

* * *

DRAMAAAAAA. Thank you to TheDoctorsTimeLady for the review! It is much appreciated! Please favourite/follow if you are enjoying the story and feel free to leave a comment if you have any ideas or constructive criticism (or even if you want to tell me you reaction to things)! I really love them! Have a great night!


	13. Chapter 13

"Cold. Too cold. She won't be able to survive in this. I wish I could have told her. Maker, I should have told her. She's dead now, or freezing to death. I shouldn't have let her, but it was the only way-"

" _Cole_." Cullen groaned. The walk was menacing enough without the strange boy narrating his every thought. "How many times have I asked you to stop?"

"I'm sorry. It's just that you're so _loud_."

It had been hours upon hours since they fired the signal for Nethra. Cullen had repeatedly ordered scouts to patrol the mountains for any sign of the Herald. However, she was nowhere to be found.

"What an interesting gift you have, Cole." The strange elven apostate said to the even stranger boy. Cullen didn't like the elf one bit. He screamed _ulterior motives_ to Cullen, and yet no one else mentioned it.

"It can hurt sometimes. If their pain is too loud. But I would bear it anyway if I know it would help. _Your_ pain is loud sometimes."

"You said you saw the archdemon in the Fade. Is that where you are originally from?"

"Who can say?" The boy replied quietly. "An old friend. Here and gone once more. She is beautiful, like I remembered. But she does not know. And she is gone again. How long must I wait? A world full of strangers – a world full of-"

Cullen looked at Solas, who was frowning. "Cole, I think he wants you to stop." Cullen suggested.

"Her dreams haunt her, yet they calm me. So familiar, like the same person. Bare and perfect. No bindings like the rest of them. Ar lath ash. Ar lath ash."

Cullen didn't understand what he was talking about. _Clearly_ they were Solas' thoughts, but they didn't make sense.

"Cold. So cold. My ears are freezing off. They won't find me. They won't find me. Something is hunting me. The wolves howl. Ashes. Embers. I'm closer. I'm…"

The two men turned to Cole with wide eyes.

"Cole? Who are you reading?" Solas asked calmly.

"Her. She's near. I can see her sometimes, but she shines brighter than everyone else. She's hard to see, like a bird flying in front of the sun."

"Where is she?" Cullen grabbed the boy's shoulders.

"I don't know. Near."

Cullen turned to one of the soldiers. "Camp here for the night. Start searching for the Herald."

* * *

Nethra woke up with a groan and a scream – a groan for exhaustion, and a scream for the multiple ribs and the left lower leg bone that broke from her fall.

She let out a whimper as she attempted to stand. She grabbed her warped-looking staff and used it as support.

Shrill noises echoed throughout the small cave she found herself in. She finally found the exit by listening for the mountain wind. It must have been an old mining complex, like the one she went through with Cassandra, Solas, and Varric back when people still thought she was a killer.

She sighed, wondering if she would ever see them again.

She limped out of the tunnel, immediately being hit by the harsh gusts of the Frostbacks. She walked for what seemed like hours. Every now and then, she would pass a fire pit, but the coals were never warm enough to be from the Inquisition. She walked on, cursing herself for not wearing something warmer that night. Solas always told her to wear a certain cowl on their trips. It was hideous, so she never bothered.

 _I_ _wouldn't mind looking silly right now if it meant I was warm._

She was shaking uncontrollably soon after. Her elven ears did not stand a chance against the freezing temperatures, and she could feel the sharp pain of early frostbite clawing at their tips.

Tears fell from her eyes, only to become frozen on her cheeks. She was going to die here. Alone, freezing, and weak. She could hear wolves howling from behind her, probably waiting for her to fall over so they could attack. She managed to push out three more steps to get to a large rock structure. She had hoped it would possibly break the winter winds for even a _moment_ , but to no avail.

She let out a whimper as she fell to her knees. She could hear voices. Perhaps it was Andraste talking to her, like the people thought she did. Perhaps it was the Dalish gods, whispering about her betrayal to them. Her eyes were half-open when she spotted a faint orange glow in the distance.

"There! There she is!" She could hear Cullen's voice.

"Thank the Maker!" Cassandra too.

A warmth enveloped her.

 _I'm dead. There's no more cold. But I'm still in pain…_

A pair of strong arms picked her up, pressing her into a warm body.

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Hang in there, Nethra. Please." She heard Cullen's voice whisper in her ear.

A hand pressed against her forehead. She became warmer, but her ears hurt more.

"Ma ane eth, da'lin. Ar'an ane min." _You are safe, child. We are here._

"Ara me naeg!" _It hurts!_ Nethra cried, "Ma' uren…" _My ears…_

She didn't understand. Solas did not teach her half of these words, and yet she could speak them.

"Ma ju as'an ane ea laderem." _You will be healed._

Nethra let out more sobs.

"What are you saying to her?" Cullen asked.

"Ir abelas, Cullen." She cried, "Ir abelas…"

"Sh…ma ju'ea ga gonun." _You will be alright._

"Nethra…"

For the second time that evening, everything went black.

* * *

Hello! Sorry this was so short, but the next chapter is pretty long so this seemed like a good place to end it. Remember to fav/review/follow if you liked it! Let me know if you have any suggestions :)


	14. Chapter 14

_Running. Running more. Arrows fly past her ears, causing a whinny to escape her throat. She runs through the freezing snow, zig-zagging in an attempt to dodge the arrows. She heard the sound of a bow releasing, then a body falling over. It was not her body._

 _"Hey…hey. You're alright." A hand brushed across her back as she panted. "Shhh. You're safe now." It was not the Elvhen that she normally heard. "I'll keep you safe."_

Nethra opened her eyes. At least five layers of furs covered her body, causing her already-injured ribs to ache. She looked to her right, to see a familiar Commander sleeping soundly with his hand over hers.

"He has not left your side since they found you." Mother Giselle's Orlesian accent broke through Nethra's thoughts. "It seems you are not the only one who suffers from nightmares." Mother Giselle nodded over to the blond man, who was twitching and fidgeting in his sleep. "I shall inform Solas of your wake." And with that, the Chantry mother was gone.

Nethra sighed, laying back down and staring up at the roof of the canvas tent.

"No…Leave me…vile creature." Cullen mumbled as Nethra stared at him. His skin was pale and dewy, even with the frigid air. He grumbled, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. "No…NO!" He shouted, causing the elf to jump. His eyes shot open, locking with hers. "Nethra?" Cullen's voice was hoarse as he panted slowly. "You're awake." He sighed loudly with a smile.

"As are you." She shot a small smile back.

"I brought you flowers," He nodded to the other side of her, "I know it's not your favourite, but supplies are limited." He joked.

Nethra gazed at the trio of mountain flowers. Her brow then wrinkled up in thought. "Wait, Cullen, does that mean the bouquet from before was from you…? No, that can't be right."

There was no way he could remember. He couldn't remember anything before Kirkwall – and they certainly were not on good enough terms then to be talking about flowers.

"There's something…" Cullen sighed, shaking his head, "I need to tell you." He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking of the words to say. "When I was-"

"Lethallin," The two turned their heads to the bald elf, who had clearly rushed over. "How are you feeling?" He spoke as he sat on Nethra's cot and placed a hand on her forehead. Nethra shot a look at Cullen that they could continue the conversation elsewhere. He nodded back.

"I'll go see how the morale is." Cullen mumbled before getting up and leaving.

Nethra sat up, Solas immediately jumping to help.

"You should not move too much. You have four broken ribs, a broken tibia, and hypothermia. You're lucky to be alive. What did you see?"

"I…He's still alive. The dragon flew off with him before the avalanche."

Solas looked down. "So the Elder One survives. We will be ready next time."

"What do you mean? Haven is rubble. We have nowhere to go…" Nethra went to tuck her hair behind her ear when she noticed there was less ear than normal. "Solas…" Her voice turned shaky. "What happened…"

"You had severe frostbite. The healers had to amputate…"

"Solas…" Her eyes were glossy and red.

"I am sorry. There was nothing they could do."

"It's the Creators isn't it? It's because they call me the Herald of Andraste. I betrayed them." Full-fledged tears streamed down her face, "I don't deserve to be a Dalish elf. I barely was one in the first place."

"The Creators aren't…" _in control,_ he had wanted to say. He bit his tongue, knowing such a statement would not grant her any solace. "Nethra." He grabbed her arms gently, forcing her to look up at him through tear-soaked eyes. "You are not who you are by the shape of your ears – or even from what people call you. It is your actions – your relationships and the hope and love you spread unto others that you are judged on. I can assure you the townsfolk will not treat you any different-"

"You don't understand…" She spoke through sobs. "If you commit a heinous crime within my old clan, they cut your ears to look like this." She touched her disfigured ears. "I wouldn't be allowed to join them if I ever wanted to again."

Solas stayed silent. He did not know what to say. He was angry at the Dalish and their foolish traditions, for they were mostly made-up, having nothing to do with the true Elvhen 'gods'.

He felt a presence behind him.

"What makes you think that you will not be an exception?" Cullens voice sounded, causing Nethra to look up, "You have moved mountains, quite literally. You saved us from an apocalyptic future. You stopped a civil war. You buried the army of a self-claimed god. If they are not willing to take you back simply because of a simple body misshapenness that you had no control of, it is them who are not worthy." Her mouth closed as she studied the blond man. "I…" His voice grew quieter, "I would rather you not go back to them regardless. It may be a selfish reason, but I do not plan on having you out of my life just yet."

Nethra's face slowly grew pink. She blamed it on the nippy wind. Finally, her eyes shot down. "I…thank you." She whispered.

* * *

After a long night and a positive musical number, the refugees of Haven packed up and headed deeper into the Frostback Mountains. Nethra found herself on a horse that managed to be rescued from the attack. She was sore and fatigued, and her ribs were killing her, but they could no longer linger. The morning was brutal, will powerful winds and strong flurries surrounding the survivors. By the afternoon, the sun had come out and the people seemed to have their moods lifted. Solas informed the leaders of the Inquisition of a fortress in the mountains that was vacant and ready for someone to move in. With Solas at the front of the refugees, followed by Nethra, the townsfolk, mages, and soldiers from Haven, the survivors travelled through the harsh weather.

They climbed over a steep hill, revealing a monstrous fortress about four times the size of Haven. Nethra's jaw dropped. It was beautiful.

"The original owners called it Tarasyl'an Te'las, but I'm sure the people would rather refer to it as Skyhold." Solas spoke, as if reading her mind.

"It's incredible."

Nethra could hear gasps of awe as more people spotted the fortress. A few citizens even began running towards it.

Solas waited for her to catch up. "The humans have not raised one of our people so high for ages beyond counting. Her faith is hard-won, Lethallan, worthy of pride… save one detail. The threat Corypheus wields… The orb he carried… It is ours. Corypheus used the orb to open the Breach. Unlocking it must have caused the explosion that destroyed the conclave. We must find out how he survived… and we must prepare for their reaction, when they learn the orb is of our people."

"What are you saying, Solas? You think they will blame all elves for it? This all happened because Corypheus abused its purpose – well, I'm assuming he did."

"Faith tends to make martyrs of its champions." There was a hint of sadness in his voice. "Whatever the case, that trust cannot grow in the wilderness. You will need every advantage. This is a place where the Inquisition can grow. Where _you_ can grow." Solas softly kicked his horse to begin moving again. Nethra followed.

They arrived in silence. Nethra was too distracted by the beauty of the hold. Even as it was crumbling and filled with rubble, it stood tall and mighty. It was a force to be reckoned with. She watched as the four leaders of the Inquisition gathered by the healing tents. They were whispering to each other. Cullen was looking at Nethra the entire time. He opened his mouth to speak to Cassandra, who nodded and walked over to meet the freckled elf.

"We have received several ravens informing us of new settlements making their journeys here. Skyhold will become a pilgrimage." Cassandra was walking with her hands behind her back. She beckoned Nethra to follow her back up the steps. "If word has reached these people, it will have reached the Elder One. We have the walls and numbers to put up a fight here, but this threat is far beyond the war we anticipated." They walked under an archway, revealing a large courtyard. "But we now know what allowed you to stand against Corypheus, what drew him to you." Cassandra stopped and faced Nethra.

The freckled elf stared at her glowing hand. "He came for this. Now that it's useless to him, he wants me dead. That's it."

"The Anchor has power, but it's not why you're still standing here." Cassandra lead her under the archway and to the left. "Your decisions let us heal the sky. Your determination brought us out of Haven. You are that creature's rival because of what _you_ did. And we know it. All of us."

They walked up more stairs. Nethra hesitated as she saw Leliana step forward with a large sword in her hands. "The Inquisition requires a leader: the one who has _already_ been leading it. Nethra looked down to the lower courtyard. More villagers were pouring in, staring at her. She spotted Josephine, looking up with a sweet smile. Cullen stood beside the ambassador, with a strong expression. "That leader is you."

Nethra turned back around, staring a Cassandra with a shocked expression.

"But… I'm an elf. Are you sure there won't be an uprising…or _something_?"

"I would be terrified handing this power to anyone, but I believe it is the only way." Cassandra spoke with a small smile. "They'll follow you. To them, being an elf shows how far you've risen, how it must have been by Andraste's hand."

 _Tell that to Solas,_ Nethra thought. Cassandra's hand pointed to the sword Leliana was holding.

"What it means to you, how you lead us: that is for you alone to determine."

Nethra stared at the sword. A golden dragon wrapped around the haft of the sword, while the blade gleamed in the sun. Nethra picked it up.

"I will lead us against Corypheus, and I will be an ambassador. I am an elf standing for Thedas. The Inquisition is for all."

"Wherever you lead us." Cassandra replied. The Nevarran woman walked to the edge of the platform, staring down at the crowd. "Have our people been told?" She shouted.

"They have." Josephine replied, "And soon the world."

"Commander, will they follow?" Cassandra asked.

The blond man turned to the crowd. "Inquisition! Will you follow?" The people cheered. "Will you fight?" They cheered louder. "Will we triumph?" They shouted some more. "Your leader! Your Herald! Your _Inquisitor!_ " He unsheathed his sword and pointed it to Nethra as the townsfolk rallied.

Nethra thrusted her own sword into the air. It was heavy, and had her arms shaking, but she refused to ruin the moment.

After the cheers died down, Nethra, Josephine, Leliana, and Cullen walked into the main building of the keep. The large room was decorated with scrap wood, broken furniture, and rubble. Curtains hanged soiled and torn.

"So this is where it begins." Cullen mumbled from behind Nethra.

"It began in the courtyard. This is where we turn that promise into action." Leliana spoke softly.

"But what do we do?" Josephine asked. "We know nothing about this Corypheus except that he wanted your mark."

Nethra turned to the three leaders.

"Do we know what we're doing? What if he attacks again?"

"After what you did with one trebuchet, direct attack does not seem like this best option." Cullen almost chuckled. "Skyhold will be able to withstand any attack if it comes to it."

"We do have one advantage: we know what Corypheus intends to do _next."_ Leliana's eyes were sly. "In that strange future you experienced, Empress Celene had been assassinated."

"Imagine the chaos her death would cause." Josephine chimed in. "With his army…"

"An army he'll bolster with a massive force of demons, or so the future tells us."

"Corypheus could conquer the entire south of Thedas, god or no god."

Leliana sighed. "I'd feel better if we knew more about what we were dealing with."

"I know someone who can help with that." A familiar voice announced from the entryway. The group turned to see Varric standing cross-armed with his signature smirk plastered across his face. He walked toward them. "Everyone acting all inspirational jogged my memory, so I sent a message to an old friend. She's crossed paths with Corypheus before, and may know more about what he's doing. She can help."

Nethra hesitated. "Varric…is it-"

"It's a friend. That's all you need to know." He winked.

"Well, I'm always looking for new allies. Introduce me." She smiled. Varric paused and looked around.

"Parading around might cause a fuss. It's better for you to meet privately. On the battlements."

"Oh- okay." Nethra smiled giddily. She knew exactly whom he was talking about. Varric gave her a nod and left.

"Well, then." Josephine started. "We stand ready to move on both of these concerns."

"On your order, Ne-Inquisitor." Cullen stuttered.

"I know one thing," Leliana smirked. "If Varric has brought who I _think_ he has, Cassandra is going to kill him."

* * *

The last chapter was super short so I decided to post this one early. Happy (almost) Easter! PLEEasSSE REVIEW I APPRECIATE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM AND AM ALSO VERY LONELY


	15. Chapter 15

Nethra all but ran to the battlements after the other leaders of the Inquisition told her she was free to go. She tripped up many stairs, only to find Varric looking out from the battlements: and no one else. Nethra walked up to him, slightly disappointed. She opened her mouth to say something, but he pointed behind her. She turned to see…

"Hawke!" Nethra shouted, running full speed to hug the taller woman.

"Nethra! I'm glad to see you're still alive." The blue-eyed woman said between laughs. "I must say, you've made quite a name for your-oh my, Nethra. Your ears…"

The elf hadn't much time to think about her deformities. Her hand floated up to the missing part of her left ear, grabbing a tendril of hair to cover it. "It's something I will have to live with." She spoke quietly.

"She's gonna be more famous than you, Hawke!" Varric's broke through their heavy thoughts.

"Oh, I don't doubt that." She smiled.

"How is Merrill?" Nethra asked hastily.

"She's great! After the battle, she decided to-"

"Take care of the poor and wounded. I've told you that a billion times, Jailbird!" Varric smirked.

"I wanted to hear it from Hawke!" Nethra frowned.

"She's doing some more research on Eluvians at the moment. I think she's trying to find other ones." Hawke smiled, leaning over the barrier. "This view reminds me of my home. The balcony-"

"Overlooked the whole city. I remember it." Nethra whispered.

Hawke chuckled. "Yes. I loved it at first. But after a while, all I could see were the people out there depending on me."

"That was just Kirkwall. I have half of Thedas." Nethra half-joked.

"You're doing everything you can to protect them."

"Does it ever get any easier?"

"I'll let you know." The almost-bald woman whispered. "I don't envy you, Nethra. But I may be able to help you. Varric and I fought and killed him before. The Grey Wardens were holding him, and he somehow used his connection to the darkspawn to influence them."

"Corypheus got into their heads. Messed with their minds. Turned them against each other." Varric spoke.

"If the Wardens have disappeared, they could have fallen under his control again."

"Do you think we can free them?"

"It's possible. But we need to know more first. I've got a friend in the Wardens. He was investigating something unrelated for me. His name is Stroud. The last time we spoke, he was worried about corruption in the Warden ranks. Since then, nothing." Hawke ended her explanation in a whisper.

"Corypheus would certainly qualify as corruption in the ranks. Did your friend disappear with them?" Varric asked.

"No. He told me he'd be hiding in an old smuggler's cave near Crestwood."

"Well, we can start there." Nethra nodded hopefully.

"I thought I'd killed Corypheus before. This time, I promise I'll make sure of it." Hawke's eyes were solemn.

* * *

Later in the day, Nethra was making her way through Skyhold's courtyard, making sure everyone was settling in well enough. Many of the fortress' rooms were cluttered with ancient furniture and would take some time to clear out. For now, many of Nethra's companions were camping in tents throughout the courtyard, and one particular Tevinter mage was not too impressed by the setup.

"I'm just telling you that I would prefer to not have a monstrous horned man sharing my bed space. The amount of sounds that come out of his rear end is absolutely alarming."

"Dorian, I've told you before, it will only be like this for a short while."

"I realize that, dear, but I do believe I'm starting to get a rash!"

"You haven't even spent one night here yet, Dorian! If it's bothering you that much, you can stay in Sera's tent." Nethra sighed with a smile.

"That is hardly a solution," Dorian quipped, "I'm quite positive that the elf's bodily fumes are potentially worse than the ones I'm already dealing with. Now, go chat up our Commander. He's looking far too comfortable over there." The mage nodded over to the blond ex-Templar who was organizing tasks for the Inquisition's growing population of soldiers.

Nethra sighed. She hadn't properly thanked Cullen for finding her in the snow after Corypheus' attack. She felt almost embarrassed to – after all the yelling she had done towards him, it was nerve-racking to know that he continued to help her and care for her despite it all.

She trudged down the stairs towards him, his eyes focused on a large parchment note that was sitting on a makeshift table. "…down the stairs and through the first door on your right. Bristoff, you will be clearing out the bedrooms above the garden."

"Yes, sir." The soldiers saluted their commander before marching off.

"You know, I don't believe I've ever seen you not working." The freckled elf walked up to Cullen with a smirk.

He gave a small smile. "There's still much more to do. The soldiers are clearing out the tower to turn it into your own private quarters, as well as a few other rooms in the main building."

"Private quarters? Surely there are some more inclusive tasks you can set the soldiers to."

"Ne-Inquisitor, it's the least I can do. After all you've been through…" His voice lowered to almost a whisper.

"I…wanted to thank you, Cullen. For finding me and staying by me when I was healing."

Cullen stared at her, perplexed. "I hardly think I should be thanked." His eyes darted away from hers. "I sent you to him…I sent you to-"

"You did what you had to in order to save our people." Nethra reached out to touch his arm. "Thank you, Cullen. Truly."

He shuffled around for a moment, collecting his thoughts before speaking. "You've been awfully peaceful with me as of late. Are you feeling alright?" He smiled before jokingly lifting his hand up to feel her forehead.

"Yeah, well, don't get used to it." She chuckled as she lightly punched his arm.

He stared at her, his thoughts lost in his eyes. "Nethra, I-"

"Commander, we have located a strange room in the west wing. Sister Leliana has called for you." A soldier stated, running up to the tall man.

"Ah…duty awaits." Cullen smiled at the elf, reaching to her shoulder. "We'll talk later."

Nethra nodded as the commander walked off with the soldier. She frowned. During the past few conversations she'd had with him, it seemed as if he had something to say to her, but could never get the words out.

"Inky!" Nethra turned her head up to the tiny elven rogue leaning over the ledge of the courtyard. "Getchur bum over here! There's some gab ya need to get in on! Prissy pants is about to start throwing punches at Blackwall!"

Nethra smiled, walking up the stairs to her newest friend. There was always something happening around that girl.

* * *

Can someone PLEASE review this story...I'm getting really unmotivated from this lack of interest yall have :( Maybe I should do a rule like i did with my other one where I don't release chapters unless someone comments. Kind of an asshole move but this is really harshing my vibe guys


	16. Chapter 16

It had been several weeks since the Haven refugees had made Skyhold their new home. Nethra had moved in to her glamourous quarters at the top of the western tower, and her advisors and companions found rooms to call their own.

She had found herself in Solas' level of the rookery more often than not in the middle of the night. He hung a quilt over her shoulders before lighting a fire under his kettle. She studied the blanket in silence.

"This is beautiful, Solas." She stated, staring at the different patterns. "Did you make this?"

He nodded silently, digging through his cupboards.

"They're all elven inspired images, right? The dragon for Mythal, the owl for Falon'din…wait. Why are there wolves?" She asked slowly.

"Some Dalish beliefs are simply superstition."

"So you mean to say that the Dread Wolf is not dreadful at all?" Nethra chuckled, "That's hard to believe."

"There are many things that are hard to believe, but true nonetheless."

Nethra stared at him for a moment, trying to decipher his alternate meaning. She sighed, turning her attention back to the quilt.

"Oh! A halla." She smiled, but the grin immediately faltered as she remembered why she was there. She had just woken up from a feverish dream where the halla almost died.

"The dreams are becoming more frequent." Solas stated as he handed Nethra a small cup of herbal tea.

"I just wish there was a way to understand why this is happening." She mumbled, clinging to the quilt. The bald elf stared at her for a moment before turning around to shuffle through his possessions. He pulled out a book titled _Elven Magic and the History of Elves_.

"Are you familiar with the story of Ghilan'nain?" Solas muttered, flipping through the book.

"Yes. She's the Halla mother. She was-"

"Blinded and bound by a hunter after she cursed him. Later on, Andruil turned her into a halla. Sound familiar?"

Nethra stared at him. That was why she couldn't see in her dreams.

"The question is how did this connection come to be?" Solas stopped at a page in his book. He placed it in front of Nethra. The chapter was titled _Connections Between the Gods and the People_. "It is an extremely rare case, but there have been records of an elven god sharing a body with an elven soul. Do you have any memories of finding an ancient relic or burial place of elven origin?"

"I…no. I don't have a lot of memories of my life before the Circle."

"Perhaps that is where we should begin exploring." The bald elf sat across from her, staring into her green eyes.

* * *

Nethra had just returned from her trip to Crestwood, and was soaking the mud and blood off of her skin in a warm bath, looking out her tall windows to admire the Frostbacks. Her only complaint so far of the hold was the increase of her vivid dreams. Solas suggested that the strong presence of ancient elven magic may have something to do with it. The elven history book he showed her from a month ago lay on her loveseat by the stairs.

Solas had suggested that perhaps Nethra shared a soul with the ancient elven goddess Ghilan'nain. It was a possibility, but for it to happen, Nethra had to come in contact with something involving the goddess, which is where their conclusion faltered. Nethra had no memory of any such event. However, due to their new resources, Leliana managed to fine Nethra's old clan allowing her to send her keeper a message inquiring about any events similar to the ones Solas described.

Nethra sank down into the warm water. The serving soldiers added scented oils and pigments into the water, filling her room with a fresh, grassy smell.

Her door opened loudly, followed by heavy footsteps. "Inquisitor, welcome back. Leliana has asked me to deliver some papers to you. They're nothing much, just some things to fill out regarding your adventures at Crest- oh, Maker!" Cullen dropped his papers immediately after spotting the small elf in her bathtub. "My apologies, Neth-er-Inquisitor, I-I..," He shielded his red face.

"Cullen, it's okay, the water is dyed. You can't see anything." Nethra called out to the stammering man behind her. "Do naked women really bother you that much, Commander? I'd have thought you've seen plenty of naked bodies in the Templar barracks back in Kirkwall."

"I-I-It's not…"

"Just leave the papers on the loveseat." Nethra chuckled at his stammers.

"I…yes." He shuffled behind her, then quickly shambled down her stairs and shut the door.

Nethra heard a loud _thump_ , followed by an echo of something along the lines of "Oh, sweet Maker's breath". She sank lower into the water, submerging herself fully.

Cullen couldn't bring himself to look at the Inquisitor for the rest of the day. Even while in a meeting at the war table, he avoided any and all forms of contact with her. Josephine and Leliana exchanged looks between each other, practically screaming that they knew something happened, but they did not pry. He was sure that Leliana would find out sooner or later. The day was nearing an end as the sun slowly set over the mountains, turning the sky black and deeming Cullen unable to read his paperwork. He decided to go for a walk among the battlements to decompress his mind for the night.

His heavy steps echoed through the courtyard as he let his mind wander.

 _I'd have thought you've seen plenty of naked bodies in the Templar barracks._ Nethra's words resounded in his mind over and over again. In truth, Cullen probably did change with women in the Templar quarters, but he never thought anything of it. To him, they were just his fellow peers - his family away from home. Nethra, however…

He stared at the tower where the elven inquisitor resided. When the room was first revealed to her, she lectured him for three hours on how they could have found a better use for their funds than to decorate her quarters with lavish furniture. She was on such a roll that Cullen didn't have the heart to tell her it was Josephine's doing and not his own. Growing up in the Circle Tower made the two of them quite accustomed to small, humble sleeping spaces – a bed and a night table were all they had during their earlier years. Anything more seemed unnecessary. He smiled at the memory of her flushed and angry face, screaming that she would rather eat a live nug than share the same furniture as a snobby Orlesian nobleman.

A glimpse of movement coming from the tower caught his eye. The Inquisitor appeared, leaning over her balcony. Although the sun had left, her white nightgown seemed to glimmer from all the way up there. It was as if she was glowing. For the first time since the bathtub incident, he looked at her. Well, if he was being honest, it was more of a stare.

Almost immediately, the elf's head turned to catch his eye. Even from such a far distance, she could spot the commander. The elf waved her arm in silence. Cullen waved back. He felt his face heat up at the memory of her in the tub. She tied her hair up for her bath, revealing her delicate neck and toned shoulders. Her knees poked out of the pink water as well. He felt his heart begin to beat faster.

"Andraste's bosom, Cullen. Keep yourself together." He mumbled to himself before turning to walk back to his quarters. He began to feel dizzy as he reached his door. It was going to be another bad night.

* * *

This was just a filler/fluff(?) chapter. Thank you to Leale and Popo on the Go for the comments! They helped me release this chapter :) My life is pretty crappy right now so it's nice to have this outlet. Favourite/ follow if you're liking the story so far and feel free to leave a comment or any suggestions!


	17. Chapter 17

"Inquisitor, I do not wish to be discourteous, but you look as if you have not slept in a week." Lady Josephine spoke as the four leaders of the Inquisition hovered over the War Table. Nethra didn't know how to respond.

"Yes, you've been awfully quiet today, too. Is something troubling you?" The female nightingale crossed her arms.

"I'm sorry, I've just been having nightmares recently. That's all." The elf sighed, placing her hands on the solid oak table. Cullen studied her face as she shifted uncomfortably.

"Is it something we could look into?" Leliana asked with kind eyes.

"I can bring in the finest sleep hypnotist from Val Royeaux if you wish it." Josie chimed in.

"It's okay, really." Nethra threw her hands up defensively. "Solas has been helping me with it. It's just taking some time."

"Is he feeding you?" Cullen asked, "You look rather peaky, too."

"Is it just insult Nethra day or something?" She raised her voice. The three advisors exchanged looks. The elf let out a big sigh. "I-I'm sorry. I just…"

"Perhaps we should postpone this meeting to another time."

"I would… appreciate that, Josie. Thank you. Really." Nethra spoke with her head hung low. The quad packed up their papers and disbanded for the day. Nethra rushed out quickly.

"Ne-Inquisitor!" Cullen called after her, but she was almost running away from the room and clearly did not want to be followed.

"Perhaps it's time to start sending her flowers again." Leliana stepped by, winking over her shoulder at the commander. His face began to heat up.

Nethra couldn't help it. She was tired, nauseous from being tired, and not wanting to eat food because she was nauseous. Why couldn't they see that? She rushed up the stairs to her living quarters in hopes that she could sneak in a nap before any soldiers decided to remind her of her responsibilities. Waiting for her on her loveseat was her bald elven friend.

"I believe I've created a tea that will help." He stood up as she reached the top of the stairs. He raised his arm to reveal a small bag of dried herbs. His nose had been stuck in multiple herbology books for the past few days that they were back in hopes to find a remedy for Nethra's nightmares. Solas walked over to her kettle, pulling it off of the fireplace and pouring the hot water into a small mug. "It should take between a half-hour to a full hour for the effects to begin." He passed the mug to the freckled girl, who sipped cautiously. "It may not be instant, but it is a-" Before he could even finish his sentence, the freckled elf had collapsed onto her bed, snoring quietly. "Oh. Perhaps it was too potent." His eyebrow quirked up as he walked over and lifted the furs to tuck her into bed. "Erathe son, falon."

 _She stood in silence, feeling a presence near her. Soft fur brushed up against her, and a small huff sounded from the body beside her. It seemed to say "I will protect you,"._

Nethra woke from her dream steadily, for the first time in a long while. Normally, she would have been shocked awake from whatever was happening in her dreams. She looked around her room, spotting a large bouquet of flowers and a white box on her desk.

"Zinnia and dawn lotus again." She mumbled as she lifted the furs to get out of bed. She walked over to the desk, opening the white box to reveal a pile of golden lemon tarts. The freckled elf smiled softly. They were her favourite. She popped one into her mouth as she heard the door to her room open and close.

"Inquisitor," A bald head peeked out from under the stair railings, "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. Very well. Thank you, Solas."

"Your advisors wish to discuss your next journey. They were hoping to get you to the Western Approach to deal with the Wardens that Hawke and Stroud located." His eyes darted from her face to the gifts behind her. She followed his line of vision.

"Another bouquet," She smiled, reaching out to touch one of the white petals, "Aren't they beautiful?"

He nodded, "I am glad you enjoyed them."

Nethra's mouth formed an 'o', "Oh, forgive me Solas, I didn't realize they were from you. Thank you. They're lovely."

The elf nodded once more. "I will leave you to get dressed, then." He walked back down the stairs with his hands held behind him.

"How did you know lemon tarts were my favourite?" She spoke loudly with a smirk.

Solas stood in silence at her bedroom door for a moment, "Intuition." He spoke before making his exit.

She removed her casual clothes and threw on a long tunic and plain trousers before making her way to the War Room. She practically skipped to the meeting, and her advisors couldn't help but take notice.

"Somebody's feeling better." Leliana chimed with a smile.

"Yes well, presents can do that to a girl." The freckled elf grinned with a flushed face.

"Presents? From whom?" Josephine sighed dreamily, her true romanticist coming out.

"A secret admirer, perhaps?"

"Or perhaps just a person wishing to raise your spirits." Cullen muttered quietly, crossing his arms.

"It was Solas," The three advisors all paused, shocked expressions forming on their faces, "Although I'm unsure as to how he managed to figure out what my favourite flowers _and_ my favourite desserts were."

"Solas?" Leliana frowned, turning to the Commander. "How peculiar."

The blond man's face was stern. Nethra could not tell what he was thinking.

"Back to business." He spoke evenly, placing his hands on the solid table. "Once you finish your task in the Western Approach, our Ambassador has predicted that we will have enough pull to get you an invitation to the Winter Palace."

"Oh, wonderful." Nethra's words were laced with a question about the commander's tone, but he simply replied with a solemn look.

"In the meantime, we must hire a tailor to help with your ball gown. Only the finest will do." Josephine spoke, attempting to hide her excitement, and failing miserably.

"Ball gown?" The elf let out an exasperated sigh.

"Well, we can't have you strutting into the royal palace with just a tunic and trousers, can we?"

"Will all of you be dressed up as well?"

The advisors exchanged looks. "We have a…uniform. It is customary that we shall not take away from our main attraction." Josephine spoke cautiously.

"Meaning me."

"Yes, Inquisitor."

Nethra sighed. "Well, I can't help what's already decided. Just please stick to a design that I can get in and out of easily."

"I will honour your request." Ambassador Montilyet nodded politely.

"In the meantime, I will prepare our soldiers for the long journey to the Approach. We will depart in four days." Cullen spoke, placing a hand on his sword pommel.

The quad nodded before parting ways.

Nethra had finally finished filling out the papers Cullen had left for her during the bathtub incident. The sky was dark, signalling another day over. She opened his office door to reveal a slightly paler version of him. During their meeting in the War Room, she noticed that his face was shinier than usual.

"Ah, Inquisitor." He spoke quietly, the flames of his desk lamp casting an orange light onto his face.

"Commander." She strode up to him, "I've finished the reports on Crestwood."

"Oh, wonderful." The freckled elf reached out to hand the papers to the commander. Even when sitting, he was still tall. "Thank you."

Nethra nodded with a smile. Something in the air had made their conversations more awkward than usual, and she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

"So…" The blond man evened out the stack of papers before putting them to the side. "Solas?"

"Yes, well..." Nethra couldn't bring herself to look into his eyes. "If I'm to be honest, I thought the flowers were from you. Back when we were closer, I remember having conversations about our favorite things. The only thing I questioned was how you could remember them after they cleared your memories of me."

Cullen stared at his desk. He let out a long sigh. "Nethra. Inquisitor. There is something I must tell you…"

Just then, a soldier burst through the middle door of his office, marching toward the commander hastily.

"Ser, Sister Leliana has replied to your message. You said to bring it back immediately."

Cullen let out an aggravated groan. "So I did. Give it here."

The soldier immediately saluted and marched out the door. "Well, I suppose I should get going." Nethra managed to speak. "Inquisitor's responsibilities never end." She chuckled nervously.

"Nethra, you don't have to…"

Before he could finish his sentence, the door closed behind the elf. The commander stood up, clutching his head.

Nethra made it halfway across the bridge to the rookery when she stopped in her tracks. Cullen had been repeatedly trying to tell her something, but over and over again he was interrupted. Perhaps it was time to have the conversation he kept trying to start. She clenched her fists and turned around, staring at the door to the commander's office. She let out a huff, and marched up to it. Grabbing the knob, she pulled the door open.

"Cullen, if there's something you need to tell me…" She immediately spotted the blond soldier hunched over, grasping at his bookshelf for support. "Cullen? Cullen, Maker's breath, what's wrong?" She ran up to him, kneeling under him to help him stand. His breath was short, and his brows were furrowed in pain.

"Please, you need to leave." His voice was weak. "You shouldn't see me like this."

"I'm not going to do that." She pushed up on his body, but he was very heavy. It was at times like these where she wished she'd trained as a warrior at some point. She felt his clammy forehead resting against her shoulder. "Please, try to stand. We'll get you back to your chair."

"I'm sorry, Nethra. For everything."

"Haven't I been showing you that you're forgiven?" Nethra muttered as she grabbed his arm, pulling him over to his cushioned chair. He fell down onto it, his eyes red and his face pale. "I'm going to get you something to drink."

* * *

As Cullen sipped on a lemony tea, Nethra pulled up a dusty chair from the corner of the room.

"How long has it been since you stopped?"

He looked up immediately, wide eyed. "How did you…did Cassandra…"

"Cassandra didn't have to tell me anything. I know what lyrium withdrawal looks like - did you forget that I used to live in Lowtown?"

His mouth was left ajar. He closed it slowly, looking back down to his tea. "I'm sorry you had to see me like this. I didn't want to…see you pity me."

"I wouldn't consider it pity." She crossed her arms. "It's more concern than anything. Have you told anyone?"

"Cassandra knows. She has promised to remove me from my position if it leaves me unfit to lead."

"I won't let that happen."

"Nethra…"

"How bad has it been?"

Cullen paused. "Some days are bad. Most are worse." He chuckled. Nethra nodded, staring at the ground.

"Is this what you wanted to tell me about?"

"Yes. No." Nethra frowned at him. "Well, yes _and_ no. It's one of two things that I wanted to tell you. However, I'm sure you're not keen on knowing the second part just yet."

Nethra didn't question it. She was sure that it was hard for him to tell anyone about his withdrawals, and his other secret would be told to her when he was ready.

"Well, I'm proud of you. Going off lyrium is one of the hardest things to do in this world. If there's anything I can do to help-"

"I don't want your help." Cullen stated rather sharply. "I want…" He sighed in frustration. "…food."

"Food?" Nethra gave a puzzled look.

"Would you like to go raid the kitchens with me?" He gave a classic Cullen smile. It almost made her forget that he was feverish.

"That sounds fun." She smiled back.

* * *

Sorry I disappeared for two months - my life is a mess, what can I say? Thanks to Popo on the Go for the comment on my last chapter! Remember to favorite/follow/comment if you liked the chapter and the story so far. I'll try to update as soon as possible. Thanks!


	18. Chapter 18

"Now imagine there is a single bird in front of you. Imagine its every detail – its wings, its colour, the sound of its voice. Then wish it."

Nethra opened her eyes to see a small blue bird flying around her, tweeting expressively. Solas stood beside her with a smile.

"You are getting better, da'len."

The fade warped around them, and suddenly they were in a snowy town. Nethra glanced around noticing the rubble that was scattered throughout the area. The buildings were black and missing their rooves.

"Solas, are we…" She practically whispered.

"In Haven? Yes." He nodded for her to walk with him. They strolled from the chantry building down to the town gates, and onto the dock outside the town. Nethra froze when she spotted glowing objects hovering over the frozen lake. "Many spirits still wander here."

"Why are you showing me this?"

"This is where it all began. You stopped the civil war in the Hinterlands, saved us from a twisted future. You are an outstanding person, Nethra." He faced her. "You truly surprise me every day."

"Where is all this coming from, Solas?" She asked with a nervous smile.

His hand found itself resting on her cheek.

"The way you're acting…after the flowers and desserts…do you have feelings for me, Solas?"

He placed his lips softly onto her own. Her eyes were wide open. Slowly, he pulled away.

"There are many things I feel for you. If only you would _wake up._ " His words echoed in her mind.

* * *

Nethra opened her eyes, panting. She looked around the room, then down to the furs covering her. It was all a dream. But if they were exploring the fade, then what Solas said and did was…

She lifted her hand to touch her lips with her fingers. She frowned. The winds of the mountains blew one of her balcony doors open. The gusts knocked over a pile of stolen croissants from the kitchen. Nethra smiled at the memory of her and Cullen running down the kitchen stairs laughing while carrying as much bread and fruit as they could manage.

"By the Maker, what a climb this is!" Nethra's bedroom door busted open, revealing a mustachioed mage trotting up the stairs. "It is absolutely no wonder why Sera ranked you 'best bum in Skyhold'. Much to my dismay."

"Dorian…"

"You must have a fan! Look at all this food – and flowers? Is this the same secret admirer as before?" The man asked as he picked up one of the many lemon tarts on her desk.

"Why are you here?"

"That's no way to greet a friend." The dark-skinned Tevinter huffed, popping the dessert into his mouth. "After all, I _am_ about to travel several weeks to get to a desert, all for you. Or did the lovely Inquisitor forget?"

"Oh, Maker." The elf groaned, falling back into her bed.

"Lovely. What a great start to the day." The man wasted no time rushing over to her dresser and pulling out clothes to pack for their journey. "The whole world is waiting for you, darling. I suggest you look presentable."

Nethra shuffled out of bed, stripping her slightly sweaty nightclothes off and pulling a clean tunic out of her night table.

"I said _presentable_ , not homeless."

Nethra groaned as a silk shirt landed over her face.

The two made their way through the castle, opening the entrance doors to find a farewell parade waiting for them. Varric, Iron Bull, and Blackwall were standing at the end with Nethra's favourite horse.

"There _were_ more people, but you took far too long for the townsfolk to wait around all day." Dorian mumbled in her ear.

A familiar bald head glinted in the crowd, and no matter how hard she tried, Nethra could not meet Solas' eyes. She felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Safe travels, Inquisitor." Cullen stood there in all his might, his fur shawl draped over his priceless armour and nice-smelling hair fixant taming his golden curls.

"Take care of yourself while I'm gone, Commander." She spoke solemnly with a small smile. He nodded back with a returning smile.

"Does the entire hold need to stop what they're doing for this?" Blackwall grumbled as they reached him and the hairy dwarf. "It seems so…unnecessary."

"If I were the Inquisitor, I'd have them doing this every time I got out of bed. I bet it'd be rather motivating." Dorian quipped, curling his moustache with his fingers.

"I don't doubt you would do that." Blackwall rolled his eyes before mounting his stallion.

"Hey, at least Jailbird doesn't let it go to her head." Varric chuckled as he brought his leg over his pony.

"I pray it never does." The grey warden insisted on going with them on this particular mission. He wanted to help his fellow wardens with the corruptions, but Nethra was cautious as to how easily Blackwall himself could be corrupted. She supposed she would see.

The trip to the Western Approach was grueling. If the day lacked a dust storm, they knew to expect something else that would slow their travels. Some days it was Red Templars and other days it was the Venatori. After meeting with Hawke and Stroud and an attempt to stop a group of corrupted Grey Wardens, the group found themselves in a cave now full of dead Red Templar bodies. They searched the chests and remains for anything ranging from coin to notes.

Iron Bull pulled a thick book out of one of the chests. " _The Trials and Errors of Lyrium Control._ Huh. I guess they skipped the part about going crazy, eh boss?" The Qunari warrior's laugh boomed throughout the cave as he threw the text behind him.

Nethra peered over for a moment, staring at the book that barely missed her head. She quietly picked it up and stuffed it into her rucksack.

That night, Solas appeared in her dream. He joined her as they overlooked the wastelands of the Approach, eyes fixated on the suspected base of the Wardens that they had faced with Stroud and Hawke. Solas was rambling on and on about the memories that lurked in the desert, but Nethra was barely listening. All she could think about was the battle that was soon to come to Adamant Fortress and the bloodshed it would cause. She knew it was for the best, but it was daunting nonetheless.

She broke out of her thoughts when she felt a pair of lips touch hers. Solas pulled away slowly.

"Ah, and she comes back." He smiled at her. Nethra could feel the affection in his expression, but she felt nothing in her own.

"Solas…" She wanted to tell him to stop. That she did not think of him in a romantic sense. But the attention was addicting, and she could not deny the thoughtfulness that went into the gifts he had gotten her back at Skyhold. Throughout the struggles of her past, she never had time for romance - it was a luxury that an elf living in a circle or alienage could not afford. To finally have time for it…well…she could not let it be taken away from her.

"I await your return, ina'lan'ehn sa." _Beautiful one._

Before she had time to reply, he kissed her once more and disappeared into the fade.

All throughout the trip back, Nethra couldn't keep her nose out of the book the Iron Bull had found. It documented several lives of mages, Templars, and soldiers who had crossed paths with the drug the Templars were bound to. The chapter Nethra was currently on described the many uses of lyrium, including memory loss.

 _The trauma that many Templars face throughout their careers can be devastating. It is often a solution to remove certain memories from their minds in order to keep their focus. If it becomes the case that a Templar must have a memory removed, it is under strict guidelines that they remain taking lyrium for the rest of their life. If this rule is broken, the memories will come back in the form of nightmares. Then they will slowly make their way back into the soldier's conscience._

She read the paragraph over and over throughout the journey home. With each word she became more and more frustrated with her naivety. She was missing something. Of course Cullen was having these nightmares. But she was unsure if he quite remembered them while awake. She stared holes into the book.

"Would you like to read it upside down, just so you don't miss anything?" Dorian spoke from behind her as the sun cast a golden light onto their small camp. It was only a day until they would be back in Skyhold. Nethra was more nervous than anything to be back in the same hold as Solas. He would constantly visit her in her dreams, even when she preferred to wander the Fade alone.

"I just…"

"You were just wondering how to bring the subject up to our Commander."

Nethra's lips formed a straight line. She didn't know if she was in the position to be questioning Cullen about his memories of Kinloch. Especially if he wasn't aware of the memories yet.

"Come, come." Dorian slipped the book out of her hands, strutting over to the mess tent, where Iron Bull's booming laugh practically shook the canvas. "You need a drink, my dear."

The elf let out a loud sigh before joining her companions.

* * *

It's been a while! I had this chapter sitting in Word for a while so I decided to finally post it. Hope you enjoy! Please comment if you liked, disliked, or have anything to say about the story! I love comments (criticism is accepted as well of course!) See ya next time.


	19. Chapter 19

The last day of travelling felt twice as long as a regular day. The soldiers were tired and sore, and the horses were grumpy. Nethra was fighting a hangover, her headache only growing with the height of the sun. They passed through the Exalted Plains and made lunch in Ghilan'nain's Grove, a shaded area surrounded by ruins.

Nethra walked away from the camp, zoning out from the fart competition Sera and Iron Bull were having. She brushed by the archways in the elven ruins, taking a deep breath. The book she had been reading was frustrating, so she'd figured a walk would help clear her mind.

In the distance, under a tree, Nethra spotted a small light. She wondered if it was a will-o-the-wisp. She decided that if it started to move away, she wouldn't follow it. The light flickered over to a ruined statue. It was of an elven woman, her hands were held out like a statue of offering. The wisp landed in its hands. Nethra moved toward it. She held a hand out to touch the statue, but as soon as it did, the wisp disintegrated, leaving the small elf alone in the dark corner.

Something shook.

The air began to move rapidly around her, and it felt like the world was spinning around her. She closed her eyes, trying to gain balance. The wind whistled in her ears, getting louder and louder, so loud she couldn't stand it. She covered her scarred ears swiftly, falling to her knees. Everything was spinning and loud, she almost wanted to scream. And then, as if the gods heard her, everything stopped. She opened her eyes slowly. Leaves of the tree behind her rustled in the calm breeze. Nethra briskly walked back to camp.

The top of Skyhold could be seen from where they were. While the soldiers let out a unanimous sigh of relief, the freckled leader of the Inquisition was still hypnotized from the book. She'd read the same chapter over and over about a hundred times, hoping to find something. She finally flipped the page over in frustration. Suddenly a sentence caught her eye.

 _The memories will take around 4 months to a year to fully reclaim themselves in the victim's mind._

She frowned. She snapped her reins, causing her steed to let out a startled whinny. It began to pick up pace. Dorian called out from behind her, but she kept kicking the mare to speed up, racing toward Skyhold.

* * *

He had a cold sweat, but he refused to let it stop him from his paperwork. He was desperate for any distraction from his growing withdrawal. A soldier had come in a few minutes earlier reporting sightings of the Inquisitor and her company returning from their journey to the Western Approach. It was only the day before when he received her report of the Grey Warden situation. He was relieved to find that no Inquisition soldiers were hurt during the confrontation.

Quick, heavy steps sounded from outside his door, coming closer. His door immediately swung wide open to reveal the sweaty, sun-burnt, misty-eyed Inquisitor.

"They _were_ from you!" She shouted, stomping toward him with an unmistakable anger. She slammed the book down on his desk. "Why didn't you say anything? I thought they were from Solas – I thought it was _all_ Solas even though it was you! It was fucking you all along!" Her eyes were transitioning from misty to teary. "Why did you…to think I let him…" She was losing control of her thoughts, staring at the ground in confusion. Her eyes snapped back up to his. "Maker's balls, Cullen! Say something!"

He simply grumbled with his mouth closed, pointing to the wooden bucket by his right hand door. "What the hell are you…" It was then that she noticed his ghost-white face and the film of sweat that covered it. She quickly ran to the bucket, grabbed it, and shoved it into his lap.

The blond man instantly released his guts into the pale, heaving and coughing as the contents of his stomach spilled out of his throat.

"Shit, Cullen." She wiped away her angry tears, immediately running over to his bookshelf and grabbing the bag of tea leaves she'd lent him after her first discovery of his symptoms.

"I'm sor-" He managed to choke out before more vomit interrupted him. She reached into the rucksack that she neglected to remove after galloping through Skyhold's gates. She pulled out a small canvas bag of shaved ginger root that she bought to treat the sunstroke she had the first night they reached the approach.

"Take a handful." She spoke quickly while handing him the small bag. "I'll be right back."

She sped out the door, over the bridge, and across the rotunda until she reached Varric's self-claimed 'writing spot', grabbing the fireplaces' kettle. The dwarf's protests could be heard as she sprinted back to the Commander's office, barely noticing the white-hot metal handle of the kettle burning through her skin. The blond man was still leaning over and retching into the bucket as the elf returned to the room. Cullen stared at the steam coming from the kettle, then at her hands.

"Nethra, what-"

"Hush!" She shouted, grabbing a mug off his bookshelf. She quickly mixed the leaves with the boiling water and poured it into the mug. "Drink."

The commander had now become the commanded. He instantly chugged down the tea, swallowing hard as to avoid any choking on the leaves. She grabbed the mug out of his hand and pushed him back into his plush chair. She walked to the corner of his room and grabbed the chair she used the last time she was in his office. She plopped down, crossing her legs and arms, watching the commander.

The two sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. Although the elf was staring straight at him, Cullen could not bring himself to look her in the eye. The cheers of Skyhold's citizens could be heard from outside. The soldiers must have finally made it home. With the silence finally broken, Cullen opened his mouth to speak. "The nightmares began once I stopped taking the lyrium. The memories…" He sighed, trying to prepare his wording. "They resurfaced as soon as I saw you with Varric."

"But you said you were coming off of the lyrium when you were in Kirkwall."

"Yes. During the day that the mage blew up the chantry, I could recall certain…feelings about you. I couldn't recover any memories involving you just then, but I knew in my heart that I had to save you. I knew that I had to win back your trust, but in order to do that I needed to keep you alive." They stared at each other.

"Certain feelings, you said?" She whispered.

He froze. Of course she'd be making him question his wording. "Yes. Our…comradery from Kinloch Hold. There was a need to see you again. I had hoped you would've taken refuge at another Circle so I would be able to find you again."

"Comradery." She huffed with a smile. She stood up, refusing to look him in the eye.

"Before you leave…you said Solas did something-"

"Don't worry about it." The elf turned around quickly and walked out of the room, leaving the commander with the bag of ginger and the empty mug.

* * *

Hi everyone, I would really appreciate any comments or criticisms you have. I love reading them and haven't received any for quite some time. It's really hard to feel inspired when it feels like no one is reading it. That being said, thank you if you ARE reading. The 20th chapter is going to be pretty exciting (in my opinion) so I would love to hear how everyone is feeling about this story so far. Give it a fav/follow if you like it! Thank you.


	20. Chapter 20

He couldn't sleep -not that he could sleep very well in the first place, the lyrium withdrawal always kept him up at night. However, tonight there was a different reason for his insomnia. He kept replaying the conversation with Nethra over and over again in his head, thinking of things he should've said instead of the words that did come out. The image kept appearing, the pink-skinned, freckled elf staring down with a sad smile. He should have just said what he was thinking.

The moon shone through the cracks in the ceiling of Cullen's bedroom fireflies danced around, occasionally glowing. He huffed, rolling out of the bed. He pulled on his trousers and a tunic before climbing down the bedroom ladder. With a sigh, he opened his office door, revealing the deep night sky. The snow on the surrounding mountains seemed to reflect the pale blue moonlight, slightly lighting up the fortress. The crisp breeze filled his lungs, relieving his headache somewhat.

Cullen's steps echoed as he walked through the battlements. A commotion of loud, drunken voices could be heard from the Herald's Rest. The commander spotted a wobbly Iron Bull stumble out of the tavern, pulling his trousers down to take a piss on the bush near the entrance. A glowing figure from above caught Cullen's eye. It was Nethra in the blighted nightgown again. The one Solas gave her.

 _Solas._

The thought of the bald elf boiled Cullen's blood. To take advantage of Nethra's naivety about the gifts... Cullen did not want to think about what Solas did to Nethra to have her so upset about the mix up. He made a personal note to make sure Solas' lavatory would not be cleaned for at least a month.

He stared at her figure. Once again, she seemed to glow in the moonlight. She leaned over the edge of the balcony, her hair that was normally tied in a bun was now hanging over her shoulders. She couldn't be more beautiful.

He waved at her, hoping to have the same reaction as last time. She did not wave back. Cullen huffed, staring at the ground. He made his way back to his quarters. As he opened the door to his office, he took one last look at the brunette elf in the distance.

His heart stopped.

She was standing on the railing of the balcony.

"Nethra!" He screamed into the night air. He sprinted through his office and across the bridge. "Someone help the Inquisitor!" He shouted through the main hall. He could hear the groggy protests of the guards, but continued running towards her quarters. He only hoped he wasn't too late.

* * *

 _She was blind again. Something was pursuing her. The smell of blood and pine wafted through the air as she shot through the forest. Help me. The ground began to get sandy as she neared the edge of a cliff. She did not know how she knew it was there. Something growled in the distance. Several wolf howls echoed from different areas in the woods. Help. Help. Please. Her hooves scratched against the rubble beneath her. She could feel the wolf's breath on her face._

 _A loud roar split through the air. The wolf flinched. The thumping of a heavy animal began to get louder and louder. It roared again and she could hear the wolf's paws retreat. The large creature brushed up against her. A lion's mane?_

The wind was immediately knocked out of Nethra as an arm pulled her backwards off of the balcony railing. She yelped, landing on top of a soft body. She frantically looked around.

"What in the Maker's name do you think you were doing?" A low voice shouted from under her. She jumped, sporadically attempting to crawl off Cullen's body. He was sweating and panting.

"Cullen? What's happening?" Her voice cracked.

"Are you crazy? Standing on the railing like that…You're not invinsible!" He hissed at her, grabbing the back of her dress.

"What are you talking about?" She turned to him, but his eyes were locked on something behind her.

The freckled elf turned to see a glowing shape of a halla, standing on the balcony. It was shining a semi-translucent white, like a ghost or a spirit of some kind. The halla's head turned to her. Cullen crawled over to the Inquisitor's desk, pulling the cheese knife off a plate and pointing it at the spirit.

"Get behind me."

"Cullen-"

" _Now, Nethra!"_

The elf shakily crawled behind the blond man, who looked smaller without his usual outfit on. Her hand gripped the back of his tunic. It was strange to feel the warmth of his body. He was usually covered in so much armour that he felt cold. The halla began walking toward them slowly.

"Get _back, creature!_ " Cullen shouted at it. Steps sounded from the other side of the room. Solas appeared, followed by two soldiers, Leliana and a very frantic-looking Josephine.

"Put the knife down, Cullen." Solas gently stepped towards the creature.

"Don't come closer! You've done enough, don't you think?" Solas flinched at Cullen's words.

" _Ma felasil shemlen_ …" Solas hissed, stepping forward with his hand beginning to glow.

"Stop this!" Nethra stood up, racing between them before either of the men could attack each other. The creature moved toward her.

"Nethra, watch out!" It moved to brush her with its muzzle, but as soon as it touched her skin, the glowing creature exploded into tiny little beads of light. They swirled around the room. Josephine ducked, hiding behind the staircase railing.

"How strange." Leliana whispered.

The lights gathered in the center of the room. All of a sudden, they created a beam aimed straight at Nethra. They shot straight towards her, into her chest.

"Nethra!" She could hear Cullen shout.

Everything went black.

* * *

Nethra awoke with a screaming headache. She sat up with a groan.

"Careful, dear. The Maker only knows what has happened to you."

The elf turned to see Mother Giselle standing over her with a wet towel.

"What.."

"Messere Solas is filtering through the library for any information about the spirit that was seen two weeks ago in your quarters. We do not have any answers yet. I will notify him and the others immediately that you have woken up. For now, try to rest. You have had a fever since you lost consciousness." The Chantry mother placed the cool cloth on Nethra's forehead. Nethra glanced over to her left side. There sat a cross-armed Cullen, softly snoring. "Once again, the commander has refused to leave your side. One must wonder how he only ever manages to find rest with you in the room."

"You said you were going to notify the others?" Nethra mumbled.

"Yes, Inquisitor. Right away." The sister hurried out of the room, leaving Cullen's quiet snoring to fill the silence.

Nethra threw the blankets off her, swinging her legs over to the side of the bed. She stared at the commander.

"Two weeks, Cullen. You still haven't changed clothes." She muttered, standing up and walking over to him. She reached out to touch his muscled arm. It was strange to see his bare skin, even stranger to feel it. It was a good 'strange'.

She flinched as he jolted awake, disoriented. "I don't want another sweet roll, Lenalda, I-" He paused as he locked eyes with her. "Oh, Maker…" He breathed, standing up to pull the elf into an embrace.

"Cullen, I'm fine." She felt too warm in his hold. Her face was heating up far too fast.

"I wouldn't call having nightmares and a fever for a week straight 'fine'." He mumbled. "I'm the Commander of your forces. I'm supposed to protect you, and yet…"

"You saved me, Cullen. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn't have shown up."

"I should have slayed it. You wouldn't have gotten hurt." He breathed into her hair. He was being very touchy for a man she had just chewed out.

"You did all you could. We don't even know what that thing was."

Her words brought a heavy sigh and then silence. She remained in his embrace.

After a long moment, the blond man pulled away from her. Their eyes locked for a moment before Nethra began examining the room.

"You're in the healing wing. We didn't want to leave you in your chambers in case it happened again." Cullen paused for a moment before placing his hands over hers. "Nethra, I think it would be best to lock your balcony doors during the night. I can't let the possibility of that happen again. You nearly stopped my heart." He paused when he saw the elf's eyes widen. Both of their faces turned pink. "Y-You scared me, is all." He fumbled with his words before the door of the hospital wing slammed open, revealing Josephine and Leliana.

"What's going on here?" Leliana mumbled with a subtle smirk. Cullen couldn't look the nightingale in the eyes.

"Inquisitor, thank the Maker you're awake." Josephine stepped quickly to her bedside. "I know it is a bit of a rush, but while you were resting, we've been busy making preparations for our trip to Halamshiral. We will be departing in two days time. As soon as you're feeling up to it, I would like to have your gown fitted and your nobility knowledge revised."

" _Gown?_ " Cullen raised an eyebrow.

Leliana stepped forward, "Don't tell me you aren't looking forward to seeing our leader all dressed up?"

"I am! I-I mean, Maker's breath. Nevermind." He mumbled.

"Welcome back, Inquisitor." Leliana gave the elf a wink.

* * *

Thank you for reading! Shout out to Popo on the go for the comment! please be sure to comment/critique. Im a lonely gal lmao.


	21. Chapter 21

After many pokes and lots of tugging, Nethra settled on a long dark green gown for the trip to the Winter Palace. Golden accents hung from the bottom of her deep brown corset, and a dazzling necklace was placed around her neck, her hair tied and braided up into an updo. Josephine had it designed so that the skirt could be taken off, to which the Inquisitor would be wearing leather trousers underneath. The rest of her armour would be packed into a wooden crate and smuggled into the palace.

"It's beautiful, truly." Josephine grinned with a rosy blush. She was a romantic at heart - everyone knew that.

"Thank you, Josie."

The door to the antechamber opened, revealing the Commander in the uniform the councillors were all wearing: a satin red tunic with a blue sash and golden accents. It was strange to see the Commander out of armour again. Normally the clunky metal would cover up his rippling muscles from years of training, but tonight his getup only accentuated them. Nethra pried her eyes away from his body to meet his eyes, which also seemed to be having their own struggle.

"I-Inquisitor. The carriages are-"

"Doesn't she look lovely, Commander?" Josephine grinned like a madwoman. The blond man calculated his words carefully.

"Y-yes. It is an exquisite dress." He forced out, looking at the ground.

"The dress, yes - but what about the Inquisitor?" The chief diplomat pushed.

"The carriages are ready for us." He said quickly before turning around and marching out.

"He doesn't like it." Nethra mumbled. Before Josephine could argue, the elf spoke once more. "I'll meet you out there, Josie."

The carriage ride was terrible. Between whacking her head off the interior every time they rolled over a rock and the motion sickness, Nethra would have greatly preferred to ride her horse to the palace, but Josephine told her time and time again that it was not an option. The elf sat across from Josephine and Leliana, while the Commander sat beside her. Josephine was talking quietly about their behind-the-scenes plans for the night, while Cullen stared out the window silently, leaving Nethra to twiddle her thumbs.

Just before their arrival, the quad went over their plans for the evening once more. "Remember, the most important thing is to keep the Empress alive, Inquisitor. However, we cannot go barging in yelling that there's an assassin. We must play the Game." Cullen scoffed at Leliana's advice. He hated the Game, and always will.

"I'll be in the Ballroom coordinating our soldiers if anything arises. Do not be afraid to utilize our soldiers, Inquisitor. Your armour should be available immediately to the right of the entrance if you need it."

"Thank you, Cullen."

The carriage stopped, and everyone exchanged glances. "Look alive everyone," Josephine clapped, causing Cullen and Nethra to jump. "There will be plenty of people trying to control you, but please stick to the plan and let us know if anything falters it."

Nethra nodded before her door was opened by a soldier, revealing a massive lawn filled with fountains and Orlesian décor. She could hear Cullen scoff behind her. The luxury was a turn off for him. It probably came from growing up with just a bed and a table his entire life. Nethra felt the same, if she was being honest. All of the unnecessary sculptures that screamed 'I'm rich' bothered her. She would be content with a small house in the woods, but she also wasn't Orlesian nobility.

The first few hours were just posturing, meeting nobles, and listening to gossip. Nethra hated it. She hated all these people who turned their noses up at her, criticizing everything from her dress to the freckle beside her mouth. They always said things with alternative meanings, and it made her feel foolish for not understanding what they were. At least Leliana was enjoying herself, giggling about slippers in her corner. Cullen, however, was not. Every time Nethra passed him, a new Orlesian was either trying to grope him or ask him if he was single. Evelyn had been through almost every part of the palace she could think of, defeating mysterious mercenaries and collecting a ridiculous amount of halla statuettes. She had just finished dancing with the Empress' cousin Florianne, who hinted that some information was hidden in the royal wing. Immediately after, all three of the councilors were gathered in front of her, discussing what to do next.

They decided to have Nethra investigate the building once more, to pick up any clues before addressing the Empress. It didn't take too long to spot a harlequin attempting to assassinate an elven servant, claiming it was the Duchess who is planning to assassinate the empress. They brought her to the guards for safety before returning to Leliana, Josephine, and Cullen.

Leliana suggested letting the murder play itself out in order to bring a more peaceful empire. Cullen wanted nothing to do with this.

"We came here for a reason – to save the Empress." He stated firmly.

"I have to agree with Cullen on this one. The Empress' death is something Corypheus wants. We need to stop it." Nethra mumbled, ignoring the Orlesians glancing slyly at her.

"Very well. Let us know when you are planning on addressing the Empress." With that, they split up once more.

"Cullen, wait." Nethra grabbed his shoulder softly before he could return to the blushing Orlesians hanging around his self-proclaimed corner.

"What is it?" He asked, almost desperate to talk to anyone besides the women who were hounding him.

"We told the elven servant to meet the guards by the west entrance to the ballroom. Are they still posted there?"

"Yes, of course. Is that all?" His voice was level.

"All that I know of. Is there something I'm…" He shrugged her off, returning to his post.

'That was weird,' she thought. She turned toward the Vestibule entrance before she was stopped by a masked woman.

"What is a lion doing with a stray cat, I wonder?" She spoke smoothly.

"A what?" Nethra frowned.

"Plenty in the pride, yet a mutt wanders in and steals his eyes. Must be pity." The woman pushed past Nethra rather aggressively before striding over to Cullen, smirking back as she touched his arm. Nethra looked away. There was business to do.

She rushed up to the balcony the Empress was standing in, pushing past the Ladies-in-waiting.

"Your grace, by now I'm sure you know that there will be an attempt to murder you tonight. Until now, we did not know who that was. I, along with my comrades have discovered from multiple sources that it is your cousin who wishes to draw her blade."

"Well met, Inquisitor Ashanril. I will have her detained immediately to await trial. I will have the Inquisition paid a large sum for protecting the empire. I had my suspicions, but they were always outshined by Gaspard." She gave a signal to one of her guards, prompting him to rush through the crowd inside. "I offer you my army, Inquisitor. Thank you."

After many gasps and awes following the reveal of Florianne's true intentions, the crowd filtered out slowly. Nothing that night would top the almost-murder of an empress. Nethra was walking back to the ballroom when she heard a _rip_ sound from behind her. She turned to see yet another spiteful Orlesian woman, but this time her pointed shoe was placed on top of the dark green velvet of Nethra's dress.

"Oops." The woman threw her hand over her mouth in fake surprise. She walked off towards Cullen, but not without bumping Nethra's shoulder harshly. Nethra balled her fists up. Now was not the time to start a fight, but this was getting ridiculous. She turned to yell at the woman, but was cut off by a wet liquid splashing onto her face and chest.

"Oh my, I did not see you there, madam!" A tall Orlesian woman with a now empty wine glass spoke in fake-shock. Nethra stood there, red faced, and shocked. She could not take it anymore. She rand to the nearest balcony, slamming the doors behind her as tears began to run down her face. She made it to the railing, leaning over it as she sobbed.

She knew she would stick out like a sore thumb here, but this was overwhelming. She could handle fighting people, dealing blows with magic, but social warfare was something else entirely.

Something shined out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see yet another statuette of a halla. They were scattered all across the Maker-forsaken palace. She grabbed the halla's leg, bringing the statuette closer to her.

"This is all your fault," She mumbled through tears, "if you hadn't shown up, I would've been more prepared for this joke of a ball." She stared for a moment longer before her anger got the best of her. She began whacking the small statue off of the balcony railings. "Stupid!" _whack_ "Blighted!" _whack_ "Dread Wolf loving!" _whack_ "Piece of…!" She ended up throwing the figurine into the gardens below. She screamed into the night, frustrated and tired.

"That was…interesting." A familiar voice sounded from behind her. Nethra jumped immediately, but she refused to turn around and allow him to see her tear-stained face.

"I thought I was alone." She mumbled, clutching the railing. "What are you doing here? I'm sure there are plenty of people waiting for you in the ballroom."

Cullen let out a nervous laugh. "Yes, well, I came out here to be alone too. Away from everyone."

"Then I'll just leave-" Nethra turned to open the door, but Cullen's gloved hand softly grasped her arm.

"'Everyone' does not mean you." He murmured. Nethra looked up at him slowly, but as soon as she did he noticed her tear-stained cheeks. "What happened?" His hand moved from her arm to cradle the side of her face.

Her face began to heat up. She hated it when people saw her vulnerable. She leaned forward, pressing her face into his chest. "Orphshhsns."

"I'm sorry?" Cullen let out a chuckle.

She turned her head to the side. "Orlesians."

"Ah," He sighed, looking up at the night sky while placing a hand on her side, "I understand completely. At the very least, the ball is almost over. Speaking of…" The blond man backed away for a moment before bowing and extending a hand, "can I have the final dance?"

Nethra stared at him blankly. "Cullen, you don't have to ask just because you feel sorry for me-"

"I've been planning this all night, Inquisitor. Please don't refuse. I even asked the musicians to play the music for a little longer." He jested with a smile.

Nethra gave a soft smile. "I suppose the last song mustn't go to waste, then." She took his hand, which slowly pulled her closer to him. He put one hand on her hip as they swayed together.

Their feet moved in rhythm clumsily as the music rose and fell. Nethra was surprised at how much better he was at dancing.

"Do you remember when Ser Althestar snuck his fiddle into Kinloch?" Nethra smiled at the memory. The entire floor was dancing all night, much to the higher ranks' displeasure.

"I hope I'm a little better at dancing than I was back then." Cullen chuckled. He'd bruised her feet for weeks from stepping on her during the dance.

"You? Definitely. I, however, feel as though I got worse."

"Nonsense." The blond man grinned as he swung her into the air, safely landing her on the other side of him. "See? You can dance!" Cullen even threw in a couple twirls which made Nethra laugh. Their smiles slowly fell.

"You look beautiful tonight."

"Oh, you say that _after_ my dress became ripped and stained?" Nethra smirked.

"I was going to say it earlier, I was just…surprised."

"Surprised? Did you not think I was capable of looking decent?"

"You look _more_ than decent! I just…" He turned his head away. The moonlight hit his face and Nethra swore she could see his cheeks redden. "Maker's breath, I'm not good at this, am I?"

The music slowly faded out, leaving the two standing motionless, still in each other's embrace.

"I suppose we should get back-"

Nethra tightened the grip on his hand quickly. "Can we stay like this? Just for a moment."

Cullen's shoulders fell as a soft smile rose on his face, "Of course." He wrapped one arm around the elf's waist and the other over her shoulders, pressing her head into his chest. Nethra gripped the sides of his jacket, breathing in his scent.

They stood there, sharing each other's warmth for what only felt like a few minutes, yet they both perked up when a hand rapped on the other side of the balcony doors. They peered over to see an Inquisition soldier. The soldier slowly opened the door. "Pardon the intrusion, but our carriages have arrived."

Nethra passed out as soon as her bottom touched the bench of the carriage. Her soft snores filled the otherwise silent carriage ride. Leliana and Josephine were too busy smirking at Cullen to talk about the plans for Celine's army and the Inquisition soldiers. He was sweating under their stares, his eyes darting around to look at anything but the Inquisitor. The carriage hit a rather large rock, causing the whole thing to shake. Nethra's head rolled from the interior wall to Cullen's shoulder, causing his face to heat up even more.

"Leliana, didn't you say there was a scout that needed to be spoken to?" Josephine smiled craftily at the spymaster.

"Why yes Josie, I do recall saying that. Perhaps we should find him now before we forget."

"Yes, I think so too."

Cullen opened his mouth to argue, but they hopped out of the carriage before he had the chance. The door's slam caused Nethra's eyes to flutter open. She groaned softly, nudging her head into Cullen's shoulder. Then she paused.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Cullen." Her voice was raspy from sleeping. She pulled her head up.

"It's alright." He said grabbing her head and leaning it back onto his shoulder.

"Mmf…maybe I am just a stray cat." She mumbled groggily. Cullen frowned. What was she talking about? "I'm not a good leader, am I?"

"Whatever the Orlesians in the palace said to you, they're wrong." He muttered.

Nethra sighed in defeat. Eventually the two dozed off together, snoozing for the rest of the carriage ride.

* * *

Listen guys, I might just keep this story to myself if no one cares enough. I really like to see comments but it's been disheartening the last few times I've posted :( please comment, I'm lonely!


	22. Chapter 22

"Inquisitor, I'm sorry to wake you, but we're home." Leliana murmured, causing Nethra's eyes to flutter open. "We have only a few days of rest before we march on Adamant. I would suggest you get some training and sleep. Solas would also like to consult you about the Fade. Be sure to see him."

Nethra frowned. She looked out the carriage door and spotted the bald elf walking up Skyhold's stairs into the main building.

"For now, we would like to discuss a few thing in the War Room. Please come with me, Inquisitor."

The elf followed Leliana to the War Room. The doors opened to reveal Cullen and Josephine.

"Congratulations, Inquisitor." Josephine began, "The Winter Palace was a success. We now have the Empress' army at our disposal, ready to march for Adamant.

"I've already receive numerous letters requesting to know if our Commander is available for marriage." The spymaster smirked.

"I am not interested in any one of those people." Cullen's face was slowly turning pink.

"There were quite a few inquiring about you as well, Inquisitor."

"Me?" Nethra's eyes grew wide.

"Yes. Quite a few were impressed with your gown. Take a look at some of the letters if you'd like. You may find some-"

"I'm sure the Inquisitor has better things to do than look through letters half-written by some conceited Orlesian." Cullen interrupted with a frown wrinkling his face. "We were here to discuss plans, were we not?"

Leliana and Josephine exchanged a look before continuing with the meeting. Nethra peered over to Cullen, who was still as red as a beet.

Once the meeting finished, Nethra headed over to Solas' rotunda. The apostate had already entered his room when Nethra strode in. "Solas, it's been long enough that you should have found something by now about these dreams and that…thing."

"Would you prefer the Commander to tell you?" He murmured, refusing eye contact.

"I would prefer the truth."

The elf flipped through pages on his desk. "It's as I've suspected before. You have a piece of an old Elvhen spirit inside of you."

"Ghilan'nain."

"Indeed. However, your dreams have previously been non-violent. You've never attempted to jump from a height before. Do you recall your trip back from the approach? You marched through the Exalted Plains and camped at…"

"Ghilan'nain's Grove!"

"Did anything happen there? I recall you wandering off for a moment or two."

"I…yes. I found a statue of a woman. A will-o-the-wisp brought me there. When I touched it…"

"It felt like the earth was quaking."

"Solas…what…"

Solas finally reached a page titled 'Descendants of the Evanuris'. "There have been many instances of Elven pantheon recurring in dreams. Many come in the shape of animals or a holy light. When the dreamers come in contact with a statue or area devoted to an Elven god, they have reported strange activities while sleeping. Many have resulted in death or injury. It is unknown if the victims are truly connected to the gods or if they are simply ill or hallucinating."

"A _Descendant?_ "

"It is the only sensible explanation."

"But…the Creators are lost. Their presence doesn't linger here."

"Much of what you were taught as a child is not true. The Dalish have created their own explanations for things."

The female elf frowned. "How do you know they're wrong Solas? How do you assume to know anything more than the Dalish? What makes you so special?"

"There are things I know and have done that would shock you." He almost whispered.

"What the blight is that supposed to mean?" Nethra sighed. "Well, thank you for the _help_ at least, Solas." She trudged out the room.

"You ready for Adamant?" A voice sounded from the fireplace just outside of Solas' atrium.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Good. The Commander has been planning this for months. If anyone is prepared, it's him." Varric poured out some spiced wine from a tankard into a smaller cup. "Would you like a seat, Inquisitor?"

Nethra stepped toward the chair to the right of the fireplace, crossing her leg over the other after sitting.

"All this socializing has me exhausted." The elf sighed, sinking into the soft chair.

"Kid, anyone would be exhausted if they had to deal with Chuckles every day." They chuckled in unison. "That's the first time I've seen you laugh in months. Seriously, Jailbird, you need a day off."

"What would you suggest, Varric? A bath in the ice cold river outside the fortress or a manicure courtesy of Blackwall's axe?"

"Well, we could start with some ale." The dwarf smirked.

The Herald's Rest was complete anarchy. Between the tankards being tossed around and the cheering over the arm-wrestling matches, Nethra could barely make out the bard's song. Sera was screaming filthy words at Iron Bull with a grin that could kill, and the Qunari was huffing and puffing like a dwarf who had just escaped a Deep Roads attack. Krem was chuckling in the corner of the room and Blackwall was giving Iron Bull backseat advice.

"Use your wrist! Put your back into it!" He shouted, swaying back and forth with a goblet of wine in his hand.

"You think I'm not doing that?!" Bull growled, veins popping out of his biceps. "She's stronger than she looks!"

"Damn straight, piss-gobbler!"

"I dare say," Dorian mumbled from the right of Nethra, covering the bottom half of his face with his left hand. "The Iron Bull may very well succeed."

"I don't know about that. Looks like Sera's going to win this match." Varric smirked.

"Who said anything about the match?" Dorian's cheeks were a little more flushed than usual. His eyes were glossy and his lips were a little poutier than usual as he stared down the hulking Qunari.

"Dorian!" Nethra hissed, her cheeks flushed from the alcohol, "Keep it in your pants!"

"Now, that would just be a complete disservice."

Iron Bull's forearm smashed into the wooden table. The crowd roared. The entire building rumbled from the cheers.

"Yeaaaaah!" Sera hopped up in down, throwing her arms into the air. "Pay up, ya greasy drunks! Drinks on Bull!"

Cheers erupted from the tavern. Nethra felt as if they could shake all of Skyhold if they got any louder.

After about five more tankards, Nethra said her goodbyes to the tavern residents, stumbling back to the main building of the fortress. Before she could even get up the stairs, she fell into a bush, letting out an "oof!" on impact.

Frantic steps approached her, but she was too dizzy to look.

"Maker's breath, Nethra." A pair of warm hands pulled her up out of the bush, standing her up slowly. "Is that where you've been? The tavern?"

"…Jusss…wannet to have a gunnite." She slurred, rocking back and forth.

"Well, I hope it was all you wanted. You certainly aren't going to have a good morning." His golden locks shone in the moonlight. Nethra reached up to his head, pressing her fingertips to his hair. "What are you…"

"Isss not curly annmore." She stared at the Commander, her eyes glazed over in a drunken haze. The man froze for a moment before erupting in laughter.

"By the Maker, we need to get you into your bed." He spoke through a grin. He wrapped an arm around the elf's side to keep her from wobbling before walking her up the stairs.

"I like yer laugh." She smiled lazily. "Iss been a while."

"Yes, I suppose it has." He gave her a small smile.

The walk up the Inquisitor's staircase probably took around an hour. Nethra would have bruises for weeks from her stumbling, much to Cullen's dismay. He did not want her to hurt herself, but she was making it very hard to help. The Commander finally laid her down onto her massive bed, slowly taking her boots off. He brought her furs up to her neck, pausing when she grabbed his hand.

"Cullen." She mumbled.

"What is it?" They locked eyes for a long while. "You should… Go to sleep." He was so quiet it was barely a whisper. "I don't know what you did, but I'll pray to the Maker that you don't remember a thing." He smirked.

"Probably for the bess."

Cullen smiled once more before planting a small peck on her forehead. Before he could move away, she grabbed his fur cloak, pulling him back in. She kissed him hard on the lips, her breath drenched in alcohol. His were sweet, like the cookies they stole from the kitchens.

Cullen pulled away quickly, prying her hand off his cloak. "I can't. Not while you're…this way." He backed away, moving to the stairs. His steps faded off into the distance.

Nethra gripped her pillow.

* * *

Please review/favourite/follow! I'm working on a separate Cullen story so please be on the lookout for that! :) Have a nice day.


	23. Chapter 23

A rippling headache greeted Nethra as soon as she opened her eyes. Her hand immediately shot up to clutch her skull, cringing at the pain. She slowly made her way downstairs after dressing, attempting to recount anything from the night before. She opened the door to the main hall, and suddenly all eyes were on her. Eggs and bacon were being served, but even the servers paused when they spotted the Inquisitor. She was too tired to question it, trudging over to the closest available seat, plopping down in exhaustion. As soon as her behind hit the chair, the hall erupted in cheers. Iron Bull clapped from across the table, a huge, proud, Qunari smirk painted across his face. She cringed at the racket.

"What's going on…?" Nethra muttered, eyebrows furrowing as she stared at Bull.

"What's going on is that you broke the record for chugging last night. You're a fucking legend, boss!"

The crowd let out another cheer, echoing through the hall.

Nethra finished her breakfast quickly, eager to be released from the noise. Before she could leave the great hall, Leliana called her from the balcony above, beckoning to come upstairs. Nethra obeyed.

"We will be departing from Skyhold tomorrow. From there we will meet with Celine's army in the Plains, camp for the night, then march on Adamant at the crack of dawn." The spymaster led her up the library steps. "I would suggest that tonight you have a more…relaxing evening."

"Probably a good idea." Nethra gritted her teeth. Just thinking about her headache made her feel worse.

"By the way, we received word from your old clan." Nethra perked up immediately, practically walking on Leliana's heels to find the note they received. Leliana picked a small scroll up from her desk, handing it to the elf. "Inquisitor, I strongly suggest that you do not open this until our march on Adamant is over with. We do not want your mind preoccupied." The spymaster's hard gaze made Nethra gulp loudly.

"Yes, Leliana." It would be hard, but it was for the best.

"The Commander would like you to visit him when you get the chance. He would like to go over certain tactics with you, preferably without a crowd of your fans following you." Leliana glanced to the bottom of the rookery, where a few Orlesians were staring up in awe. Nethra nodded with a red face, turning to leave.

Cullen was surrounded by at least five soldiers when Nethra opened the door to his office. His face immediately went a dark shade of red when they locked eyes. Nethra raised an eyebrow. He dismissed the soldiers back to work.

"Gearing up for the battle? We sure will be prepared." She smiled at him, pulling up a chair.

"We need to be as prepared as possible if we hope to take over the fortress." He shuffled through the stack of papers on his desk, avoiding eye contact. A small scroll that said, 'Love, your dear sister Mia' fell to the floor as he continued looking through. "Here is a detailed plan of attack. I would advise you to go through it until you have it memorized. Feel free to ask questions." He handed a long sheet of parchment to her. It was decorated with tons of arrows and paragraphs describing certain attack strategies. "You had quite a night last night." He spoke once more, staring down at his desk.

Nethra flinched at his words. "It seems everyone remembers but me." She mumbled.

"Thank the Maker," He mumbled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nethra frowned as Cullen turned to his book case, pulling out _The Art of Battle_. "Cullen!"

"Don't fret. Forget I said anything."

"Saying that makes me more worried. Your face is all red and you won't look at me. What happened?"

Cullen opened his mouth to speak, but a guard burst through the doors. "Commander, our blacksmith has some questions about the weapon production."

"I gave the sheet to him four times…" Cullen said, nervously scratching the back of his head. He pointed to Nethra as he followed the guard out of his room. "Memorize that. Please!" The door slammed shut. Nethra kicked the empty mop bucket in the corner before returning to her chambers.

* * *

The trek to the Exalted Plains seemed longer than normal. Perhaps it was because there was a whole army behind Nethra instead of a small group. _No wonder they're making us camp halfway through the trip_ , she thought. Sera and Varric were playing some kind of guessing game behind her while Leliana, Josephine, and Cullen discussed the camp setup. Hawke rode her horse beside Nethra, staring ahead, lost in her own thoughts.

"Hawke, how did you do it?"

"Do what?" The woman looked over to the elf.

"Fight. In a battle."

"I just did it the same way I normally fight. I got lucky, I guess." She smiled.

"Cullen gave me all these war strategies but I still don't feel prepared."

"No one will ever feel fully prepared for these kind of things. Our enemies aren't robots. We can't predict their every move."

The trees slowly transitioned from full evergreens to dry woods and sand bushes. They arrived at a large clearing where a mass of soldiers dressed in Celine's colours were waiting.

"Bienvenue, Inquisitor! Our soldiers have been waiting for the supplies to make camp!" The supposed Captain of the troops spoke.

"Waiting?" Cullen said, stepping forward. "I asked for you to bring your own supplies for sleeping. The Inquisition only has enough tents for our own soldiers."

"It appears to have been a miscommunication, Commander. Nous sommes désolés. "

"Unbelievable." Cullen kicked his horse lightly, parting the new soldiers to set up camp.

* * *

Nethra set up a small campfire for their portion of the camp. The sun was setting across the sandy horizon.

"Inquisitor, sleeping quarters have been dealt with, Unfortunately, we will all have to sleep two to a tent." Josephine grimaced in disgust. _She must really like her alone time_ , Nethra thought.

"I don't mind that. Cassandra and I-"

"Cassandra has been paired off, as are the rest of your companions. The only remaining person is…"

"Who is it, Josie?"

"The Commander, Inquisitor."

Nethra's mouth formed an 'O'.

"My apologies. If you'd like, I can try to switch-"

"It's fine, Josie. Thank you for your effort." Nethra crossed her legs by the fire. She looked to her right, where Cullen was still going over plans with his more superior soldiers. A mug of ale appeared in front of her, followed by a familiar dwarf.

"Got paired with the Kid. I'm gonna have to drink a lot if I'm to stay sane from his ramblings. What about you?" Varric passed the mug to Nethra.

"Gods, this smells…"

"Like regrets? Yeah, that happens when you drink to much of it. Starts to taste like past mistakes." He chuckled. Nethra took a sip of the ale. "Who'd you get stuck with? Or did they make an exception for our dear Inquisitorialness?"

"It seems I've been paired with Cullen." Nethra practically mumbled. She didn't want the whole world to hear.

"Scandalous. I bet that's a certain Ambassador's doing. Every conversation that has happened between you and Curly has been monitored by good ol' Ruffles. Is it all in her head or is there really something going on?"

"I don't know, Varric." Nethra sighed, gulping down the yeasty substance. "Most of the time, things are regular, but then…"

"You get the little stomach butterflies?" The dwarf smirked when the elf didn't reply.

The two drank in silence for a short period before armored footsteps stopped by the fire.

"At last, some peace." The Commander ran his fingers through his hair.

"You sure you didn't skip over something, Curly?" Cullen's eyes widened, and his head whipped back over to the direction of the battle plans. "Relax! I'm kidding. If we're any more prepared, it'll be a fiasco. Have a drink, Commander." Varric filled up another mug and handed it to Cullen. The red-cloaked Commander sat down on a cut tree stump beside the fire, staring at the light in silence.

"Did Leliana tell you about the tent situation?" Nethra asked him quietly. It was dark, but she could still see his face go a little red.

"Yes. My apologies for invading. Feel free to head in first. I feel as though I won't sleep tonight." He scratched the back of his neck before taking a sip of the ale.

Nethra finished her drink, thanking Varric before heading into the canvas tent. The makeshift bed was small, definitely only being able to hold two people. She pulled the opening closed so she could undress. There was still a small crack in the opening, but she doubted anyone would see anyway. Once she was dressed down to her first layer, she pulled the furs aside and climbed into bed.

* * *

He couldn't stop thinking about her. Her face, her breath, her lips. She had kissed him in a drunken haze – Maker's breath, she didn't even remember. He kept going over the plans in his head to distract himself from his sinful thoughts, but her face kept popping up over and over. Even as she went to bed, Cullen couldn't help himself from staring at the crack in the entranceway, subconsciously hoping to spot her in a moment of weakness. In a way, he was glad that it was too dark to see anything. He wasn't sure if he would be able to hold himself back. Varric had finally retreated for the night, leaving Cullen to extinguish the fire. He took one last swig of the ale before grabbing the bucked of dirt beside the stump and smothering the coals. He took one deep breath before entering the tent.

He wished he was quieter, but his clunky armour made it impossible to do so. Hours on end of walking had made him sore everywhere, proving to make it more difficult to remove his armour. He could remove his graves and gauntlets fine, but his chest piece felt heavier than usual. He struggled with untying the straps in the dark. There was one particular strap on his back that was always hard to reach, but it was especially challenging this evening. Suddenly, another pair of hands were working on loosening the armour. Cullen turned his head to see the faint outline of Nethra's small body. She gave him what looked like a small smile before returning to the strap.

Eventually he heard a _click_ , followed by hands pushing his armour up over his head. It clunked onto the ground. He let out a small sigh as the weight on his shoulders lifted.

Her hand was still on his back. It took everything in him to not turn around and attack her lips right then and there. Eventually she withdrew her hand retreated to the warmth of the furs.

Cullen climbed in cautiously, attempting to respect Nethra's personal space, but she was making it very hard. Her hand gripped the arm of his tunic, causing him to look over.

"I'm scared, Cullen." She whispered. It was almost inaudible.

"I won't let anything happen to you." He reached over to squeeze her hand. She gripped his forearm and buried her head into his chest. "Nethra…" She was not making it easy.

"I can't stop thinking about the people we're about to lose. What if…"

He let out a deep sigh, placing his free arm onto her head, gently pressing it into his chest more "They knew what they were signing up for. Everyone is willing to do anything it takes to keep this world safe from those like Corypheus. Nothing will come of harm to you or your friends, Nethra. I promise."

"How do you do it?" His face turned red immediately. She looked up at him, sensing his hesitation.

"I-I…what?"

"Stay strong. Stay thinking straight." He relaxed, cursing his impure mind for misinterpreting.

"Oh, believe me. Half of the time I am not." _I'm not right now._ The warmth of her body next to him was driving him insane. He was practically sweating from the tension. He was glad it was dark, or else the painful erection in his trousers would be embarrassingly visible.

She gripped his tunic. "Promise me…"

He stared at her, ears open. "What is it?"

"When we get home, you have to promise me." She gave him a mischievous smile.

"Am I allowed to know what I'm promising?" He chuckled.

"No. Promise first." She smirked.

"Fine. I promise."

"You will write back to Mia when we get home."

Cullen let out a short fit of chuckles. "You saw that, then?"

"Yes! If I had siblings, I'd be writing them every day! I understand that you're a busy man, but family comes first!" She grinned at him.

"I'll write to her as long as you help me."

"Deal." Nethra loosely shook his hand. "Goodnight, Cullen." She placed her head back onto his chest.

"Goodnight, Nethra."

He fell asleep with the warmth of her in his arms.

* * *

When the freckled elf woke up, Cullen was nowhere to be found. She figured he'd gotten up early to revise the war plans once more. Nethra was greeted by a row of smirks as she sat down to break fast.

"What are you guys looking at?" She said, frowning.

"We heard you got paired with our strapping Commander last night. How was he?" The Tevinter mage spoke with a smirk.

"What do you mean?" Nethra took a sip of orange juice.

"In _bed_ , darling!" Nethra choked. "Andraste's tits, I didn't think I'd have to spell it out for you. Don't tell me nothing happened?! If he looked at me with those puppy dog eyes, I'd have climbed him like a tree long ago."

"We didn't…It's not…" She spoke in between coughs. She felt the large hand of the Iron Bull tapping her back lightly.

"Told you – boss likes that 'lovey dovey' crap. She doesn't bed easily."

Nethra turned around to land a swift punch on the Qunari. "You be quiet!" She turned to the rest of the table. "Everyone, be quiet!"

Their eyes drifted to something behind her.

"Welcome, Commander." Nethra stiffened. "Sleep well?" Dorian spoke smoothly, grabbing a plate off of the table and handing it to the blond man.

"Yes. We need all the energy we can get today."

"No energy was spent last night?"

"No…I am…unsure of what you mean." His voice was cautious. Nethra couldn't bring herself to look at him.

"I see. So you were relaxing last night. Someone else was doing all the work." Dorian muttered, scooping some cut up roasted potatoes onto his plate. Nethra slammed a two-pronged fork over one of his fingers.

Varric, who had remained quiet up until now, choked on a piece of bacon.

"What are you on about? Speak plainly."

"Dorian wants to know if you got laid last night." Iron Bull spoke, conveniently far enough away from Nethra to not get hit.

Nethra whipped her head around, staring at Cullen with wide, terrified eyes. His face was beet red.

"W-What? No, I was with Nethra the entire night. In the tent-"

"Oh, we know." Dorian smirked. "What we would like to know is-"

"I think Knight-Captain Rylen needs to talk to you!" Nethra shouted. Cullen flinched, eyes wide.

"Oh-right." Cullen nodded in panic. "I must take my leave." He swiftly made his way to the martial tents.

Nethra slowly turned her head to stare down the Tevinter mage with fire in her eyes. The Iron Bull audibly gulped.

"Dorian Julianus Pavus, I will **_fucking END YOU!_** "

"I _told_ you not to say my middle name, Inquisitor!" He crossed his arms.

"Respect goes both ways, you bastard!" She ran at him, tackling him to the floor.

* * *

The battlements shook the ground with the screaming, yelling, and rumbling of mass weapons. Nethra hadn't even attacked anyone yet, but blood was still sprayed on her armour and she was already caked with mud. They burst through the fortress doors, pouring into the stronghold while cutting down demons, Venatori, and the occasional Grey Warden.

Nethra, Hawke, Stroud, Iron Bull, Cole, and Solas ran up the battlements, facing demons and monsters like the ones that attacked Haven. Dorian was kicked off the roster after his morning schemes.

They reached the courtyard where Warden Clarel and Erimond were already arguing. Erimond stood by a bleeding out Warden.

"At last, Inquisitor! I welcome you to be reuinited with a certain…friend."

A blood-curdling roar sounded from above them, revealing the monstrous dragon from Haven's attack.

"Ah, fuck!" Iron Bull exclaimed.

"Run!" Nethra shouted, sprinting for cover.

The group ran up the sides of the castle, avoiding the dragon fire. The top of the castle shook when they stepped foot on it, showing Clarel beating down Erimond.

"I will be a murderer no longer!" She hissed, shooting bolts of ice at the man, who was crawling backward. She unleashed a final blast before the dragon swept down and snatched her body in between its teeth. It kicked off the stone and her staff fell, one last spell releasing from it.

The stones shook. Nethra stood, frozen.

"Come on!" Bull grabbed her forearm, dragging her back, but they were too slow. The six of them fell as the castle crumbled.

Nethra held her hand out, a rift opening immediately.

* * *

It's Fade time, bitches!

Sorry the castle fight feels rushed. I'm awful at writing action scenes. I'm excited for what's next. So much angst...

PLEASE REVIEW IM LIKE BEGGING YALL. IM SO LONELY.


	24. Chapter 24

Through a haze of green, Nethra fell fast. She stopped a few feet above the ground, floating for a moment. She reached down to touch the dirt, and immediately gravity started working again. She looked around frantically. Stroud was standing sideways on a slab of rock.

"Where are we?" He asked.

"We were falling." Hawke spoke. "Is this…are we dead?"

"No…" Solas stepped out from behind a boulder, "This is The Fade. The Inquisitor opened a rift. We came through…and survived." The sky glowed green. Black rocks stuck out from all around. "I never thought I would ever find myself here physically…Look. The Black City, almost close enough to touch."

"I understand that this is exciting Solas, but any advice you have on how to get us back would be wonderful." Nethra spoke.

"Cole," Solas turned to the spirit, "How does it feel to be back home?"

"I-I-I can't be here! Not like this, not like me!" He flailed around, clearly distraught.

"It's alright. We'll make it right."

"This place is wrong. I made myself forget when I made myself real, but I know it wasn't like this."

"It's not how I remember The Fade either." Hawke walked towards them. "Perhaps it's because we're here physically, instead of just dreaming. The stories say you walked out of the fade at Haven. Was it like this?"

"I'm not sure. I still can't remember what happened."

"Well, whatever happened at Haven, we can't assume we're safe now." Stroud said, crossing his arms.

"That huge demon was right on the other side of that rift Erimond was using, and there could be others."

"Oh, this is shitty." Iron Bull shook his head in rage. "I'll fight whatever you give me, Boss, but nobody said nothing about getting dragged through the ass end of demon town."

"In our world, the rift the demons came through was nearby. In the Main Hall. Can we escape the same way?"

"We can bloody well try." Nethra said. "Let's go."

The group trudged through black lake water and candle-lit caves. Demons popped up everywhere.

Solas was busy gushing about how interesting the Fade was, and Iron Bull was trying to not freak the hell out. Nethra wandered off, a glint of a flower distracting her.

As she grew closer she found it was a purple rose laying by a tombstone. She brushed away the dust to find her own name written.

 _Nethra Ashanril: Betrayed by a Loved One_

"What is that supposed to…?" She stepped back, staring at the rest of the tombstones. Each one had a companion's name and a reason for dying.

 _Solas: Dying Alone_

 _Iron Bull: Madness_

 _Cole: Despair_

She looked at one hidden in the back.

 _Cullen: Losing to Addiction_

A footstep caused her to turn around. There was a body standing there, covered head to toe in Templar armour. Their body was familiar. They turned around to show Cullen's face, covered in red lyrium. It lit up his veins, pulsing with his heartbeat. His eyes were sunken in and glazed over.

"Nethra." He whispered. His voice had a strange echo to it.

"What is this…?" She spoke, backing up as the shell of a man walked toward her.

"He became this way after the war." A loud voice echoed in her head, "Your dear Cullen was left too weak to resist the lyrium. The song screamed through his veins. He needed it."

"I needed it." The strange Cullen whispered.

"You abandoned him in his time of need. You went back to your clan."

"I needed you."

"Cullen," Nethra's voice was shaky. She knew it wasn't real, but it _looked_ real.

"Where were you?" He shouted at her, his eyes misty. He began walking toward her. "I needed you!"

"Stop this-"

"I needed you! I needed you!" His voice kept repeating as he raised his sword in the air. "Filthy mage!"

Nethra fell back, bracing for impact.

"Nethra!" Solas' voice broke through the apparition's noise. It disappeared immediately. She blinked at the elf. "We must make haste."

A pride demon greeted them near the top of a set of stairs. They each took turns hacking and slashing at the monster. It whipped electricity around, hitting Stroud straight in the chest and knocking him back straight into the pointed part of a rock, impaling him instantly.

" ** _STROUD!_** " Hawke called. It was too late. Blood was running down his mouth as his eyes grew dull.

"Fuck!" Iron Bull bashed the demon's face in in a fit of rage, knocking it down.

"He was happy to die for a cause." Cole mumbled.

"We… have to move on." Hawke spoke, her voice cracking.

It felt as though demons were spawning every minute. The quintet continued fighting their way up the steps.

There, they were greeted by a fear demon. Throughout their time in The Fade, the demon had been talking to each of them in an attempt to invoke fear.

"Dirth me, harellan. Ma banal enasalin. Mar solas ena mar din." Its voice echoed in everyone's head. _Have you learned, trickster? That was no victory. Your pride will be your death."_

Nethra stared at Solas with furrowed brows. What was it talking about?

"Banal nadas." _Shut up_. Solas spoke back to it.

They managed to weaken the demon, only to find a much larger, putrid monster raising up from behind the fear demon.

"There!" Hawke pointed to a small green rift opening from the other side of the battlegrounds. "Run!"

The monster crawled up to them. It pressed its leg in between them and the rift.

"Go! I'll cover you and clear a path."

"Hawke, no-" Nethra started.

"We have to _go_!" Iron Bull grabbed Nethra's arm, but she stood still.

"Hawke, you can't-"

"Tell Varric goodbye for me. Tell Fenris I love him." She gave Nethra an earnest smile.

"Hawke-"

"Sorry in advance, boss." Iron Bull grabs the elf by the waist, hoisting her over his shoulder.

"Wait, Bull! No!"

"We need to leave!" Solas shouted from the rift.

Nethra frantically grabbed onto Bull's armour in an attempt to crawl out of his grip.

"Boss, she made her choice!" He held tighter, running to the rift.

"Hawke! Wait for Hawke!"

"We have no time!"

" ** _NOOOOOOOO!_** "

Everything flashed white, and just like that, they were back on Adamant Fortress. The cries had died down and swords weren't clashing anymore.

Nethra was still screaming. She kicked Bull in a certain area, causing his grip to finally loosen.

"What the fuck, Boss!" Bull roared.

She crawled over his back frantically, making a break for what remained of the Fade rift.

"She must not go back in!" Solas shouted.

An arrow shot straight through Nethra's leg. Hot tears were already trickling down her face as she fell down.

"Sorry, Inky!"

She continued to crawl, reaching out. She could see the prickly hair on Hawke's head through the green, almost like a window. The monster blocked out the vision. Nethra grunted, pulling her body closer. She reached her hand out.

All of a sudden, it was gone.

Her eyes widened. She screamed in despair. She gripped the stone under her, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"What's happening?" She heard a soldier say from behind her. Her eyes were shut, her body trembling. She let out another sob.

* * *

The last chapter was twice as long as normal so I'm sorry if this one seems short! Thank you Meeli for the kind reviews! They are much appreciated!

Feel free to fav/follow/review! I love that shit!

Also, quick side note - would you guys like 'bloopers'? I did some on my other story and people seemed to like them. Let me know! :)


	25. Chapter 25

"Commander! Something happened to the Inquisitor! We must go now!"

His heart nearly stopped. Cullen apologized to the Grey Warden he was talking to. They had agreed to support the Inquisition, as most were being controlled by the Venatori. He tried not to look desperate as he ascended the stairs to the top of the battlements, but he could not help himself. If something had happened…

He could hear her sobs as soon as he reached the top.

"Out of my way!" He shouted, parting the sea of soldiers.

A force field of glowing white surrounded a weeping Nethra. Dorian reached out to touch it, but flinched away in pain.

Iron Bull attempted to cut it down with his broadaxe, but to no avail.

"What happened here?" Cullen almost whispered.

"They fell straight out'a the Fade, Ser. I saw it with me own two eyes." A soldier said from beside him.

Cullen peered around. "Where's Hawke?"

"She stayed behind so we could escape." Solas spoke. For the first time, it wasn't something condescending.

"Out of breath, the monster is coming. My staff has been knocked away. I love you Fenris. I love you." Cole whispered from behind the Commander.

"Maker's breath. Nethra…" The elf was still sobbing, oblivious to the crowd she'd drawn to herself. He slowly walked up to the light. "Nethra," He spoke through the magic wall "we won. The Grey Wardens have sided with the Inquisition. All thanks to you." He kneeled down. "Minimal casualties."

Her eyes peeked open, staring at him. "Hawke's dead, Cullen."

"You don't know that."

"Hawke's _dead!"_ She screamed, sobs racked her body. "Alone in _The Fade._ " A pulse of magic knocked the crowd back a few feet. He reached to her, but the forcefield stung his fingertips. He gritted his teeth as he shoved his whole hand through.

"Andraste's tits." Dorian had to look away. Cullen's glove melted off, revealing blistering flesh, burning from magic. He tried his best not to scream.

He reached further until he finally touched her shoulder. The magic disintegrated.

It was silent with the exception of Nethra's soft cries. Cullen picked her up slowly, her swollen face burying into his armour. "Retreat back to the main camp. We will discuss provisions and plans with the Grey Wardens later."

He carried her in silence. His coat was soaked from her tears, but he would rather tears than blood. Her leg was still impaled by an arrow, but she wasn't bleeding out enough for it to be a huge threat. They would take it out when they got back to camp.

Her companions trudged behind her. Cullen wondered where Varric was, and if he had heard the news yet. He peered down at the brunette elf. Her eyes held a blank stare. She could have been dead if not for the death grip on his arm. Mother Giselle was waiting for them in the medic tent when they got back to camp.

" _Déjà vu_ , don't you think?" She said as he placed Nethra on the bed.

"I suppose so." Cullen mumbled, sitting back in a wooden chair.

Mother Giselle quickly fed Nethra a sleeping potion to knock her out for the arrow removal. Her eyes slowly closed before small snores escaped her mouth.

"Something concerns you, Commander." The Chantry mother said as she patted an ointment around the wound.

"I told her I wouldn't let anyone she loved die. I broke a promise."

"Death is always a result of war. It is naïve to say important lives won't be lost."

"I should have…"

"Regretting the past does nothing, Commander."

He sighed, leaning forward and clasping his hands together. "It feels like it's the only thing I do."

Nethra woke up to Cullen's snores. A fire from outside was casting shadows across the camp. Echoes of laughing soldiers bounced around the town of tents.

"Inky!" Sera walked up to the bed, holding two mugs of red liquid. "Sorry 'bout the arrow in the leg. But you _were_ acting crazy!" She passed one of the mugs to Nethra.

"It's alright." Nethra sipped the spiced wine. "I hope I can apologize to Bull for hitting him in the…you know."

Sera cackled, causing Cullen to stir. "That pisshat is exercising his knob right now. He'll be fine!"

"I did _not_ need to hear that." Cullen grumbled, stretching from his nap.

"Sleeping beauty's awake! I'll leave you to it." Sera pranced off to go talk to Scout Harding.

"Is it just me, or does Sera become easier to understand when she's drunk?" Nethra joked. "Cullen, what happened to your hand?" She practically jumped out of her bed, ignoring the sharp pain in her leg.

"It's from…do you not remember?" He spoke quietly as she cradled his burnt and blistered arm.

"What do you mean? Was I there?"

"After you came out of the rift…do you remember anything?"

"All I remember is trying to get to Hawke, then the rift to the Fade closing." She limped over to the medical supply drawer. Her eyes stung when she mentioned Hawke.

"Some sort of magic ward was protecting you. I-"

"He shoved his hand in like a lunatic. _After_ watching Tiny try to cut it down."

"Varric." Nethra dropped the supplies, leaning onto the bed for support. "I-Hawke…I'm so sor-"

"No need to apologize, Jailbird. Tiny told me everything."

"She said to tell you 'goodbye'."

"Hey," The dwarf touched her arm, staring straight up at her. "Thanks for…trying to reason with her. It's not an easy thing to do." He looked to the ground, eyes glistening.

"I'm so sorry, Varric." She whimpered, tears streaming down her face. She sat back down on her bed.

"Hey, come on. No one wants to see the Inquisitor crying after winning a battle." He gave her a pat on the back. "You should get some rest. You've had a rough day."

Varric returned to the campfire. Cullen stood up slowly.

"Mother Giselle said to put you in a tent tonight. I suppose they're planning on packing up early tomorrow. This way you can sleep in."

"Alright." She said quietly.

"Do you need help getting over there?"

Nethra slid to the edge of the bed. "I don't think so-" She collapsed as soon as her injured leg touched the ground. It was worse than she thought.

"Maker's breath!" Cullen ran to her side, holding her up. "Don't strain yourself." He swept an arm under her legs to pick her up.

They could still hear the people chatting by the fire in their tent. Cullen gently laid her small body down onto the furs. He unbuckled the sweaty leather chestpiece she wore and set it to the side. He pulled off her boots, trying his best not to irritate the arrow wound. He pulled the furs out from under her, throwing them on top of her body. She was silent the entire time. He knew it was never a good thing when Nethra was silent.

He stared at her. The light from the fire outside gave her skin an ethereal glow. He could still make out her freckles in the limited lighting. She had her lips pursed and her eyebrows were furrowed as she stared forward, avoiding eye contact.

"Nethra, what's wrong?"

She whispered something incoherent. Cullen pressed a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry?"

"You promised." She spoke loud enough for him to hear this time. He froze. His lips were parted as he attempted to come up with something – _anything_ – to say.

"Nethra-"

" _You promised!_ 'I won't let anyone you love die,' That's what you said!" The chatter at the firepit was achingly silent. "Hawke's _dead_! You said-"

He pulled her into his chest, refusing to let her see his glossy eyes. "I know."

"You promised." She sobbed.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

Sobs for eternityyyyyy. Thank you so much to InuGuardian1984 and Syraena for the sweet reviews! See you next time! Don't forget to fav/follow/review if you like the story! It means a lot :)


	26. Chapter 26

Cullen woke up to candlelight beside him. He turned to see Nethra curled up by the light, attempting to read a note. Her eyes were still swollen from crying the night before.

"What is that?" He asked, sitting up.

"A letter from my clan. 'Dear Sister Leliana, it is so kind of you to reach out to find us. We are flooding with excitement that our own clan's child is now the leader of the Inquisition. We would like to cordially invite Nethra home to receive her Vallaslin as a final step to adulthood. We will be located twenty acres southwest of the town called Honnleath for the remainder of the cold months. You will be notified if we move. Sincerely, Keeper Maravera of Clan Ashanril'" She looked up at the blond man.

"That's wonderful, Nethra."

"I thought I would be excited if they ever decided to have me back, but all I feel is fear." She sighed, folding up the scroll.

"They want to see you again. They're proud of who you've become. Why would you fear that?"

The elf shook her head in defeat. It was hard to explain.

"We'd best get going soon."

The trek back to Skyhold was more relaxing than any other trip she'd been on. Half the people who stayed behind were still drunk, and the other half were hungover. The march was almost silent besides the occasional whinnying horse. Solas crept up to Nethra on his hart.

"Your clan made contact." It wasn't a question.

"Yes, Solas."

"Did they have any plans for you?"

"What do you mean?" She frowned at him.

"Vallaslin."

Nethra opened her mouth to deny such a thing, but she ended up closing it.

"I see." The bald elf frowned. "I would advise against such a thing, lethallan."

"You would advise against anything the Dalish do, Solas." She spoke quickly. She knew as soon as he found out, he would criticize her. She huffed, kicking her Free Marches Ranger lightly. She named it immediately trading its light trot for a gallop.

She headed straight to the stables as soon as she got back. She dismounted, unsaddled Tarasyl, and led her to her stable. She noticed Cullen's chestnut mare already back in its own stall. She bid Tarasyl farewell before hiking up the steps to Cullen's office.

She knocked thrice on the door. "Come in," His voice sounded from the other side. She stepped in, spotting the blond man leaned over a page of parchment. "Ah, Inquisitor." He smiled, "Just in time. I'd like help finishing this letter."

"Let me see!" She grinned, running over to his desk and grabbing the paper.

 _'_ _Dear Mia,'_

Nethra frowned. "Is that it?" She lifted the parchment and looked under. She looked up at the man who had a mischievous smile plastered over his face. "Cullen!" She laughed. She wasn't used to this playful side of Cullen.

"I must admit, I didn't get very far." He chuckled, rubbing the back of his head.

"No kidding," Nethra shook her head with a smile. "Well, let's start by replying to whatever questions she asked last time. Where'd you put her last letter?" She started shuffling through the papers of his desk. "Honestly, Cullen, you really should organize these."

"Can't we just come up with something? Something _not_ involving her last letter?"

"Now you're acting suspicious." Nethra stared at him for a moment before resuming her search. "A-ha!" She grabbed the sheet signed by Mia, searching through it. Cullen attempted to pull it out of her hands, but she dodged his hands.

 _'_ _Dear Mia, I'm still alive. Your loving brother, Cullen.'_

 _'_ _Honestly, is it so difficult? We thought you were dead. Again. If the Inquisition was not on everyone's lips, we would never have heard that their fine commander survived Haven._

 _We've been hearing strange things about the Templars lately. I am not sorry you left them. I thought your resignation was implied when you joined the Inquisition, but you meant something more, didn't you?_

 _Speaking of, is this Inquisitor Ashanril the same one you attended the Circle with? I knew the name rang a bell so I've been looking through our old letters. Pretty Dalish mage you were sweet on? Lucky you. I'm sure you won't bother telling me, but I'll be cheering for you._

 _It's a fool's errand asking you to stay safe, but please try._

 _Your loving sister, (see how easy this is?)_

 _Mia'_

He stared at her in silence, clutching the pommel of his sword in a death grip.

"You… fancied me in the Circle?" She spoke slowly, meeting his nervous gaze. Even under the candlelight, she could see the redness in his face.

"It's n-not like-"

"Cullen." She placed her hands on her hips.

"Maker's breath," He sighed, "I-I may have…confessed a one-sided teenaged infatuation with you to my sister. It was years ago, Nethra. C-could we _please_ just write this letter?"

Nethra hesitated. "How would you know if it was one-sided? You never asked me."

He lifted his head to stare at the brunette elf. His warm hazel-brown eyes caged her in. "What would you have said? I never thought…"

"I suppose if the circumstances had been different, if the blood mages hadn't taken over…"

Before she could finish her sentence, three knocks sounded from the other side of the door.

Cullen sighed. "Come in."

"Pardon the intrusion, Ser. Sister Leliana has called for the Inquisitor." Nethra gave the commander a quick glance before following the guard out.

"Inquisitor, have you given any thought to your clan's invitation?" Leliana turned to her, hands clasped behind her back.

"Yes, I'd like to visit them, if the Inquisition can spare me."

"Of course. We've just won a great battle. We can absolutely allow some personal time for you before setting our next plans into motion."

"Thank you, Leliana." Nethra smiled. "It means a lot."

"Have you thought about taking Cullen with you?"

"I'm sorry?" The elf's face turned pink.

"Cullen's family lives near Honnleath. Perhaps you two should make the trip together before you branch off to your clan." Leliana gave a smile, but it was not innocent.

"I…" Nethra paused before looking at the Nightingale. "I would not want to distract him from his work."

"As I said, now is the time for pleasantries, Inquisitor. We will not have time to visit our families in the months ahead. Ultimately, it is your choice, Inquisitor. I was simply making a suggestion." The spymaster turned around, sifting through the letters on her table. "I will send a raven to your clan in the meantime."

* * *

Sorry this one's short. I had a nice burst of inspiration for the last month but it seems to have died off :( I'll keep writing though! It's just going to be slower.

Thank you to InuGuardian1984 for the review! If you like this story please follow/fav/comment :)


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